Whether I'm alive
Or I die
I have been a gadfly
A happy fly
This poem, is the final writing, writing it, he was on the line, and then he died. He died very hard, because he has to soldier, was so loved him, they took the tremulous gun hand, their tears in the cheeks, but they still have to kill him, that is the work. In countless bullet sound, gadfly is dead, all in the play, but the dead so strong, so bright.
China looks at his son's death, he had killed him, he is in God, and sons,
decided to choose the false god, gave up so miserable and so need loving son. He was destined to regret their decisions, he was destined to be your crazy, finally, great cardinal or crazy, or dead, God is not the God of mercy, not because of his loyalty and loyalty to him.
Arthur is poor, Qiongma a slap him from Italy to South America, many years of suffering, he put down, finally, he returned to Italy, he saw Qiongma, they love each other, but not forever. He died, she cried in pain, he all the time, she was also suffering. And as she know he is still alive, she can be relieved, she can forget their past mistakes, he once again living dead in front of her.
Arthur was 17 years old, know God is just a hammer to knock out the clay sculpture, his beloved Padre lied to him, God is not a god of compassion, one can rely on, only yourself. Arthur in trouble and became a fully-fledged atheist, he hated the hypocrisy of prayer, hate all priests, but he knows that, in any case, he still loves the Padre, he doesn't hate him, as long as the Padre to spend the rest of my life to love him, he will be satisfied, he will be happy. But China does not do so, he cried, cry very sad, but his choice is still God, only god ... ...
As the great cardinal, choose God is behoove, Christ was crucified, he is
destined to be merciful, he was acceptable to all confession, and he can do, is only the acceptance of the confession. He is not what people do, he can't, he couldn't save China, more save Arthur. But China does not know, never know, the way he treated his own son, is very unfair, but he did not know God, he was puzzled by his mind, only the empty god.
When China finally wakes up, you must face the heaven or hell of the God, and he will say, he still love God? Also keep your faith? He would regret it, will be.
He will see, and the God was broken into pieces, he will put the heart away from God, he really loves, is his son. But all this is already late, heaven is infinitely high, hell is a bottomless, he 'll never find his beloved son ... ... Once again the confession?
Then ... ...
-
第二篇:牛虻读后感
生死的呐喊
——读《牛虻》有感
今日,我终于读完了《牛虻》这部书。本想读过后便将其珍藏起来,却不知不觉的拿起了笔。这部书并没有《凯旋门》的曲折性,但就是这太过戏剧性的故事发展,以及那似乎可以猜到结局的真实性,让我一次一次面对它“手足无措”。而那不同于《复活》的悲剧结局,又让我读后不禁长叹一声,将书捧于胸前,久久不能释怀?
这部书并未像许多小说那样的一波多折,而正是这一波三折的传统故事,又是那么的引人入胜。他讲述了这样一个故事:主人公亚瑟出生成长在佛罗伦萨一个富有家庭,是神学院院长蒙泰尼里和他母亲的私生子。亚瑟在大学里参加了秘密革命组织意大利青年党,蒙泰尼里察觉此事后极为不安。后来,其赴罗马人主教,卡尔狄神父接任院长,亚瑟忏悔时受骗说出了革命组织的名称和偷运政治书籍事实并被告密,亚瑟和同志们被捕。出狱后受到党内同志及其所爱之人琼玛的鄙弃,又得知自己的身世之谜,双重打击下精神失常。他伪称自尽,偷渡南美。在那里,他坠入真正的地狱之中。多年之后,当他回来,再一次投运军火中,牛虻的枪口被蒙泰尼里堵住,一时精神恍惚,竟放下了枪,被捕入狱,在上帝与儿子之间,这位红衣主教依然选择了上帝。在蒙泰尼里主教同意下,自己儿子被枪决,而在牛虻死不久后,这位主教也因“心脏动脉瘤破裂”突然去世??
象牙塔里的小猫。这或许就是亚瑟那美好童年的缩影。就像温斯顿·丘吉尔所说:“名人的童年都是不快乐的”。也许正因如此,他的美好童年注定了他成年后的暴风骤雨。我不知,那身为父亲的神父以及那在家中忍辱负重的母亲在亚瑟眼中意为何像。但是,当亚瑟得知这一切的真相后,猛然向耶稣十字架扑去时,他的神智突然清醒了,被击碎的神像残骸散落脚下,他终于笑着说:“原来这般容易。”世人每日偷抢奸掠,然后累了一天,回家后又向那尊耶稣受难十字架反省今天一天的过错。而明日太阳升起照抢不误,这种伪善的行为,在亚瑟看来,是这样的可笑与丑陋,甚至不值得洋嘴一笑,于是他终于淡然说道:“一切就像他本有的样子,也是他明日会有的样子,只是他已经死了——完完全全的死了!”
这如他所说的,他在人生的回忆中也许那件事已经不在乎了,以为他不知道,当他决定好的一刹那,他将面对另一个大的挑战,真正的地狱!
他只身逃进南美。他,曾在龌龊的妓院里洗过碗碟,给比他们的牲口更恶毒的农场主当过马夫;他,曾在走江湖的杂耍班子里,戴着尖顶帽子,挂着铃铛,当过小丑;他,曾给每个肯把脚践踏在他脖子上的畜生做过奴隶;他,曾乞讨过发馊的残羹剩饭而遭拒绝,因为人家的狗比他更有优先权!但是当他残了一条腿,身上尽是伤疤后,他回来了,以牛虻的身份回来了,他不再是那个会哭的亚瑟,只是,只是,一只冷笑的牛虻。
他回来了,带着那专属于牛虻的面具回来了。那面具遮住了他的面庞,在面对抢与感情时,他依旧面无表情。直到,他的初恋情人琼玛望着他那双依旧湛蓝的双眸,直到傍晚的夕阳及阴天的作用是他周身疼痛,不得不用鸦片时,他开始哭了。因为他知道,只有那神父尊崇的石像是“坚固不摧”的,而只要是人,都无法经受这一切。
可怜的牛虻,或许,他早已把那千疮百孔的生命看得再淡不过了;或许,他早已把党的事物与存在看做活着的唯一理由;或许,他早已恨又爱那红衣主
教彻入骨髓??我不知道,只是当他再次面对那位流着同样血的红衣主教时,他依旧放下了枪,就像我说的“毕竟他是人,他不是那尊神像。”于是他被团团围住,就像几个月前他说道“猫儿,你的祖先是埃及的神灵,没人踩他们的尾巴。你很镇定,从来不犯人间的罪行,但如果我抓住你的爪子放在蜡烛上烧,你那超脱的态度又将变得怎样呢?那样的活,你会不会向我索要鸦片呢?” 但是我知道,牛虻,他不会。在他被捕入狱后,他的旧症发作,而他唯一的目标就是——逃出去!于是,他仅靠一把锉子磨断了四根铁柱。终于,他带着最后一口气,爬呀爬呀??直到昏倒在监狱的围墙上。或许这就是命运,上帝给牛虻和那位红衣主教的最后一次机会。可是,那比“将猫爪放在蜡烛上烧”更残忍的监狱长,甚至在他周身发炎的情况下依旧用皮带捆住他,甚至皮带陷入皮肉,直到他连要鸦片的力气都没有了??
我不知道,能否称牛虻为英雄。因为他的苦难是在对世界的平白幻想以及象牙塔久久滋润下产生的。就像他自己说的“当时的我幼稚的认为,所有欺骗了你的人都应该下地狱,但是我却不知道,我正跳下一个地狱!”但是,他的苦痛有无非来自于那个社会,尤其是那个时代的意大利,那个神权至上的年代。而亚瑟比别人更早的清醒带来的却是痛苦,就像鲁迅先生说的“这吃人的礼数!”而若牛虻还在,他便是要说“这吃人的神像啊!”
“当他忍受了人所能忍受的一切,那颗心被人拖进泥沼里,任凭过往行人践踏,他的灵魂中没有一片空隙不被别人轻蔑打上印记,没有别人嘲弄的烙铁烫过的痕迹后”,那个神父,他的亲生父亲,在说了一句“亚瑟,救救我吧”然后再一次在神与儿子面前选择了前者。牛虻笑了,撕心裂肺的笑了,他知道。他所经历的一切都是那么不值得。于是,他受刑于枪决,结束了他的一生。
牛虻这次彻底的走了。他单纯过,纠结过,痛苦过,希望过。但当他那仅剩一点点的要求与希望被神像的崇拜压的一口气也喘不过来时,他,这只可怜的牛虻选择了离去。如果,父亲不是个神父。如果母亲没有生了亚瑟。如果??但是没有如果,人们不会批评那个冷酷无情的红衣主教,因为在那个时代,再善良的神父也不适合当父亲。或许亚瑟是他的儿子也只有少数人知道。但是,人们都会记得 那个有一双湛蓝双眸的伤疤残疾革命者——牛虻!
牛虻走了,就像他给琼玛的最后一封信:我爱你,琼玛,当你还是一个穿着花格子布衫的难看小姑娘,围着皱巴巴的胸褡,背上拖着一根小辫子的时候,我就爱上你了,我现在依然爱着你。话已说完,别了,亲爱的。还记得我们小时候一起学的那首诗吗?
无论我活着
还是我死去
我都是一只
快乐的牛虻
??