1. 男女处理压力的不同方式。男人倾向解决问题和安静思考什么事使他们困扰，女人本能地感到

需要谈论让她们困扰的事。压力来时，男人会愈来愈集中注意力和变得孤立；女人则愈来愈不知所措和变得情绪化。此时，男人对提升感觉的需求与女人不同，他藉由解决问题来让自己感觉舒服，女人则藉由谈论来使出自己感觉舒服。

2. 男人在感觉自己被需要时容易受到激发；女人则在感觉受珍爱时才会被激发。

3. 男人基本上需要信任、接受、感激的爱，女人基本上需要体贴、了解、尊重的爱。

4. 女人注重爱情的小小表现，而非昂贵的礼物

5. 当女人爱上男人时，她觉得有责任帮助他成长，并帮他改善他的做事方式。

6. 光是专注与感兴趣的倾听，对女人而言就是支持的表现

7. 她们重视爱、沟通、美与关系。她们花许多时间互相支持、帮助和滋养。她们透过感觉和关系

品质来诠释自己存在的意义；透过分享与建立关系来经历满足感。

8. 金星人谈话时从来不提供解答，尊敬另一个金星人的方法是耐心倾听，感同身受地了解对方的

感觉。

9. 如果他不能寻得解决方法，他就会做些事来忘记他的问题，譬如看新闻或玩游戏。他会因心灵

得到解脱而逐渐感到轻松。如果他的压力实在很大，他会做更富挑战的事，如飙车、参加竞赛或爬山。金星人难过或感受压力时，纾解方式是找她信任的人，然后谈论她这天的问题细节。当金星人与他人分享沮丧的感觉后，她能马上感到舒服。这就是金星人解决压力的主要方式。

10. 在金星上，与人分享问题，事实上是爱与信任的表示，而非负担。金星人不以有问题为耻，她

们的自我不是倚赖「能干」，而是倚赖於爱的关系。她们坦白地分享沮丧、迷惑、无助和疲惫的感觉。

11. 期待在洞穴中的男人马上变得坦然、负责、有爱心，就像期待正在难过中的女人能马上完全镇

定下来一样的不切实际。期待男人总是保持爱的感觉是错误的，这就好像期待女人总是保持理性和逻辑也是错误的。

12. 她有压力还是谈论时，不会顾虑到问题的优先顺序，会透过表达让人了解自己来求得放松。

13. 女人认为她给与太多时，她会为两人间发生的不快乐而责备配偶，她觉得自己付出的比接受的

还多，十分不公平。

14. 男人若感觉不到他对别人的生命产生了正面的改变，他就很难再关心自己的生命和关系。他不

被需要，就难以被鼓舞、激发。为了再次受到激发，他必须感受到别人对他的感激、信任及接受。不被需要对男人来说，是种慢性死亡。

15. 愈是谈论和探讨过去、未来、存在於潜意识和没有解答的问题，她们愈能得到舒坦。她以谈论

各种问题的细节来放松自己。谈论了一个问题时，她会接着再谈别的问题、烦恼、失望、挫折。这些问题的主题都不需有任何次序，在逻辑上也似乎毫无关连。若她觉得还是不被了解，她可能会去多想其他将来可能会发生的问题，而变得杞人忧天。

16. 两性关系中，不清楚和没有爱心的沟通是最大的问题

17. 「我觉得你从来没有听我说话。」「从来没有」这样的字眼，女人并不真的当一回事，她只是用

来表达她当时的挫折感，而不是把「从来没有」当成实际资料。

18. 女人把想法说出来，与有兴趣的听众分享她发现内在的过程，甚至今日女人也仍然透过纯粹谈

天，发现她要说的内容。

19. 男人有亲密周期，有时像橡皮筋一样抽离

20. 减轻消极感觉，以爱沟通的最好方式是使用情书技巧。1.写一封表达你的气愤、伤心、害怕、

后悔和爱的感觉的情书；2.写一封表达你想听听你配偶说什么的回应信；3.和配偶分享你的情书和回应信。

21. 可以加分的小事：练习听问题、问问题；提前计划约会，不要等到周末，才问她想做什么；旅

行时，行程安排松一点，让她不必太赶；不管何时她的感觉受到了伤害，给她同情，并告诉他：“很对不起，让你受到了伤害。”然后沉默，让她感受你了解她的伤害，不要提供解答或解释她的伤害不是你的错；当她跟你讲话时，放下报纸或关掉电视，全神贯注听她说；每天拥抱她

四次；铺床，清理卧室；按摩她的背、颈或脚；在众人场合表现你对她的感情；牵手时，不要让你的手软弱无力；体谅她的迟到或临时决定改变衣着；买装饰品给她（拿一张她的照片，让店员帮忙选择适合她的饰品）；让她看见你把她的照片放在你的皮夹里，并不断更新；用刚建立关系时的态度对待她。

22. 女人需要：关心，了解，尊重，忠诚，认同，安慰

男人须要：信任，接受，感激，赞美，肯定，鼓励

23.

第二篇：《男人来自火星,女人来自金星》读后感(英语)

Impression after Reading

---Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

I am 22 years old. I have never had a boyfriend. If I am an American, people will think there must be something wrong with me. But fortunately, I am a Chinese. Nobody will laugh at me or think I am weird or something for I having never hanged out with a boy for almost 22 years. Well, I really do not know much about males and I even feel a little afraid when I am walking alone with a boy, especially a boy I like..

This term, I bought a book with my curiosity. It is a best-selling book in America. The name of the book is Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. The author is John Gray, Ph.D. He is an internationally recognized expert in the fields of communications and relationships. There was one sentence on the cover that caught my eyes: The classic guide to understand the opposite sex. I think that is the reason that I bought it----getting to know boys.

The beginning of the book is quite imaginary. Suppose that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus. Well, you may doubt how they can fall in love with each other and how they will get along well with each other.

In this book, we can not only understand the opposite sex, but also know how to establish a harmonious relationship with the opposite sex. There are several things that the author explores: how men’s and women’s values are inherently different and try to understand the two biggest mistakes we make in relating to the opposite sex; the different ways men and women cope with stress; how to motivate the opposite sex; how men and women have different needs for intimacy; how to avoid painful arguments; the ways to communicate with each other during difficult times; the four seasons of love.

With discovering so many things, I think what I learn from the book is not just the opposite sex, love, and marriage, but more about human beings minds. In other words, it is like a psychological book, teaching us how to act and how to understand others’ acts. It is a kind of reflection. It happens in everyone, not just in the opposite sex. As long as we know each others’ thoughts, we can understand each other better,

as the human nature’s point of view.

There are obvious differences between men and women. Men gain self-satisfaction through proving their power and ability. To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he does not know what to do or that he can not do it on his own. People say men are always more sensitive than women, it is true to some degree. When men are faced with a problem, they will try to find a solution rather than just talking about the problems like women. In daily life, they pay more attention to “objects” and “things” rather than people and feelings. And especially when they feel needed, they can also feel great happiness. I always wondered that why it seems that in a romantic relationship, men often give more than women do. The reason seems to be apparent now, it is because when a man’s girlfriend or wife needs him, he is eager to help her and meet her needs, which will give him a sense of achievements. Therefore, when you have a boyfriend, do not always do things on your own or reject his help, which can help to keep a good relationship. Just like the author said,” Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed.”

Well, the description of the life on Venus is quite true in the real world. Women are more interested in communication, beauty and relationship. I think I am the person like that. The same will be true to most of girls. We do not usually talking about politics, sports or economy and we like to share things with others and chat with others about our emotions, life or the people around us. In the book, the author also mentions that when women are faced with a problem, they like to talk every detail of it because they may feel better after talking them out. Well, I think I am a little different on this point. I prefer to find a way to solve my problems instead of complaining or talking. What’s more, I won’t feel better if I just talk about it, I need to solve it. It may like the way that men use. But if I have a boyfriend, first I will tell him about my problem, then we can find solutions together to solve the problems. That is the way I like.

Of course, there are still many other differences. But the most important thing for us to do is not to focus on the difference, but learn how to accept and interpret them. I think it is also vital to build a happy marriage. When a man and a woman from two planets live together, it is not easy to maintain the happiness all the time. The different habits, languages and reactions toward things will all be obstacles. Sometimes, each of them may have an incorrect belief. A woman is vulnerable when she feels she does not deserve to be loved, be cared for or be cherished. For women, being disappointed, abandoned or ignored is especially painful. In order to compensate for this

fundamental fear, they give and give, but deep inside they do not feel worthy of receiving. While men hold an incorrect belief that they are afraid of not being good enough, they are not competent enough to give what women want. So it is just as women are afraid of receiving and men are afraid of giving. On this topic, I must say I also feel the same way sometimes. I do not know whether boys will feel like that, but I am sure I do. Precisely, it is not just constrained between male and female, this feeling happens in daily life at any time about all the people around me. I always try my best to be a good, so I try to help, to forgive, and to give. I hope what I do can be recognized by others and gain their love, care or attention. But sometimes, things work the other way around. What I mostly can not accept is being ignored. Getting hurt is inevitable and I do not want to give up being a good person even though I have a great disappointment in my heart. In other words, I do not help others that because hoping others’ return or I even think I do not deserve to get good returns, just because I want to be a good human being who being good to her partners.

To be honest, I can get happy when being good to others, loving them and giving more. Since love has the magical power to make people happy, strong and unified, to preserve the sweet love between men and women seems quite important, especially when they get married.

Basically, we need to know what he or she is saying, because men and women speak different languages. Here are some examples in the book. “I am so tired, I can’t do anything” translated into Martian means “I have been doing so much today, I really need a rest before I can do anything more. I am so lucky to have your support. Would you give me a hug and reassure me that I am doing a good job and that I deserve a rest?” Without this translation, when a woman say “I am so tired, I can’t do anything.” a man may hear “I do everything and you do nothing. You should do more. I can’t do it all. I feel so hopeless. I want a‘real man’to live with. Picking you was a big mistake.” “This house is always mess” translated into Martian means “Today I feel like relaxing, but the house is so messy. I am frustrated and I need a rest. I hope you don’t expect me to clean it all up. Would you agree with me that it is a mess and then offer help to clean up part of it?” Without this translation, a man may hear “This house is a mess because of you. I do possible to clean it up, and before I have finished, you have messed it up again. You are a lazy slob and I do not want to live with you unless you change. Clean up or clean out!”

Looking at the examples, I begin to think about my parents. It is kind of similar, but my parents’ situation is worse than that. If my mother says the house is messy, my

father would say it is your responsibility to clean it up, not mine, it is not useful to tell me about this fact. Oh, my god! I hate it when my father says that. What a kind of masculinism! Sometimes I really think there is no way for the opposite sex can understand you completely, and you may get enraged about it. But we still need to work out some ways to get close to understand each other. That is why the book is so famous because people are seeking for solutions in order to avoid pain.

In addition to the different languages, habits and behaviors can also matter. A woman can tell a man she doesn’t like the way he dresses and ask him if he can change something. But if he is sensitive about this comment, she should apologize and say “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to tell you how to dress.” If she doesn’t like his table manner, she can not just say it in front of people, what she should do is to wait for a time when no one else is around and then share her feelings. Don’t tell him how he should behave or that he is wrong, instead share honest feelings in a loving and brief way.

What’s more, men and women use different ways to cope with stress. Women like to talk while men like to keep silent and go to their cave. When a man goes into a cave, he is saying “I need some time to think about this, please stop talking to me”. He may not realize that a woman may hear “I don’t love you, I can’t stand to listen to you, I am leaving and I am never coming back.” In order to reassure a woman that he doesn’t mean this, he should say like this “I need some time to think about this, I will be back” or “I need some time to be alone, I will be back”. “I will be back”, these simple words are appreciated by a woman and she feels still being loved. So she will feel relief to let him be alone for a while. That is the right way that makes a woman to understand a man’s cave.

What I can tell from above is that men are always expecting a gentle way from women and women are always expecting an assured way. When misunderstandings arise, remember that we speak different languages; take the time necessary to translate what your partner really means or wants to say. This takes practice.

After so much discussion about the differences between men and women, it can be concluded that women need caring and men need trust; women need understanding and men need acceptance; women need respect and men need appreciation; women need devotion and men need admiration; women need validation and men need approval; women need reassurance and men need encouragement. Different needs require different understandings. We all know that love has four seasons. In spring, people fall in love. Love seems eternal. It is a magic time. In summer, it is a time for

realizing. We realize that out partner is not so perfect. We become frustrated and disappointed. In autumn, it is a golden time----rich and fulfilling. We experience a more mature love that accepts and understands each other’s imperfections. In winter, it is a time that painful feelings emerge and it is a time of reflection, healing and renewal. After the cold winter journey, we are then able to open hearts and feel the springtime of love.

This book is not only talking about love, the opposite sex, marriage, it is also talking about understanding, human nature and relationship. Whenever you walk in one’s life, you can not just walk away after you check it up. Accept the differences between you, and try to understand them and make you closer. When you have a good time, open your heart to enjoy it; when you have a bad time, try to find a way to heal it. We don’t need to find out whether love is eternal or not, we just need to find a good way to protect it, improve it, and feel it.