心碎之叶孤城大战西门吹雪

Billing（演员表）：XiMenchuixue ，YeGucheng，HuaManlou，King

PanJinlian，Narratage，soldier

Narratage：A quiet village is covered with white snow. Birds are dancing in the cold. A man is standing in the street. The wind is coming in silence. Another mysterious（神秘的） man approaches .

Y与X相遇．

YeGucheng：Oh , I am sorry to knock into（撞上） you !

XiMenchuixue： Ha ha , Never mind, boy. What’s your name?

YeGucheng：Ha ha , I won’t change my name, no matter what happens. I’m the most famous-------YeGucheng. Who are you?

XiMenchuixue： I am XiMenchuixue.

YeGucheng：Ah??? XiMenchuixue?

XiMenchuixue： Yes, what’s wrong?

YeGucheng：I heard that you are the best one in Chinese Kongfu.

XiMenchuixue： Great, you know me !

YeGucheng：But your wife is my first lover.

XiMenchuixue： What???

Y抱腿: Oh, Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!

XiMenchuixue：No, I must kill you !

YeGucheng：I don't want to be killed. There is an eighty-year-old mother and a three-year-old son to be looked after by me!

XiMenchuixue： Noway! Because we are enemies now! You know?

Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!

XiMenchuixue： 拔刀砍向Y

(Y拿出一袋牛奶迎上去)

X抢过牛奶: Milk, very good! I like drinking it. How do you know that?

YeGucheng：Just drink it!

X喝完牛奶: Thanks, ha ha.

YeGucheng：Do you still want to kill me?

XiMenchuixue： Sure! Milk is milk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very nice! I hope you won’t forget what you said!?

XiMenchuixue：I’m sure I won’t!

YeGucheng：I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly!3-2-1-0!

X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach, Oach !

Y大笑：HaHa……

X可怜状: Help!Help! Where is the washroom?

YeGucheng：What ?

XiMenchuixue： Toliet?

YeGucheng：What ?

XiMenchuixue： The “WC”?

YeGucheng：Oh, I see. go along this street to the end and turn left when you see a high building! You can’t miss it.

XiMenchuixue： Thanks, bye bye.

X与J相遇

X跑过来J举牌：Ladies room

PanJinlian： You saw me!? You animal, monster, bullshit! (一边拉拉锁一边说)I kill you!

XiMenchuixue： Oh, No! I am sorry honey, but you are so beautiful! What’s your name?

PanJinlian： My first name is Jinlian, and my family name is Pan.

XiMenchuixue： Oh, PanJinlian!??? So nice name. I love you. You have the most beautiful face, nose and little lips. Would you like to marry me?

PanJinlian： Yes, I’d like to. But do you get married?

XiMenchuixue： Of course, ah…not! What about you?

PanJinlian： Um…neither am I. But do you have a ring to give me？

XiMenchuixue： I will get one for you.

PanJinlian： I love you. I will be right here waiting for you.

Narratage： Then XiMenchuixue go to find a ring. Let us see what happens to YeGucheng at the same time.

YeGucheng：You see??  It is really terrible for a person not being good at English.

Y掏出纸屑吹:This is XiMenchuixue now!

HuaManlou Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!

YeGucheng：Who are you?

HuaManlou ：HuaManlou! Have you seen XiMenchuixue?

YeGucheng：Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” now, ha……

HuaManlou惊讶: So, now, you are the best in the world!

YeGucheng：Clever girl.

HuaManlou You are the one my king looking for! Do you want to join us?

YeGucheng：Yes, my pleasure.

HuaManlou Ok, follow me. Let’s go to see my king!

YeGucheng：Ok, Let’s go! My first lover in dreams.

HuaManlou What?

YeGucheng：Nothing.

HuaManlou：My dear king ! Let me introduce YeGucheng to you! （指Y）This is YeGucheng.

King： Sit down please, YeGucheng.

H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，HuaManlou YeGucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , rainstorm or Aids?

YeGucheng：Yes, I do.

King： Gucheng , come closely. 给叶孤城戴上戒指（音乐停）

X唱着上: Only you……(看到戒指) this ring will be mine!

King： But who are you? Why should it belong to you?

Y急切: King! Dear king! I must go now, my mother asks me to go back home to have dinner.

XiMenchuixue： I am XiMenchuixue. YeGucheng, come here! Give me the ring!!!

YeGucheng：Here you are.(灰溜溜的过去)

X转身准备离开

King： Arrest him!

XiMenchuixue： I will kill anyone who is in my way, no matter he is a human being or a Buddha（佛陀）.

Soldier：I am the most handsome soldier in the world. My favorite is looking myself in the mirror. I am here. I am here! I am here! You can’t go, boy!???

X拔刀捅个不停，S动作配合但不死

X擦汗：I am too tired to kill you, but I will cut down your head.

Soldier：Oh, God! Where is my head? Without a head, I will be very, very ugly. World without being handsome, I would rather die. Ah…

King： Ah, XiMenchuixue is really rude. You see??? The handsome soldier’s brain was broken into pieces. Tell Youlai building not to cook tofu brain as breakfast any more.

Narratage ：Then, XiMenchuixue go to ladies room to meet his lover with the ring. But actually HuaManlou is XiMenchuixue’s wife. So… what will happen next?

HuaManlou My dear husband, where are you going?

XiMenchuixue： Something important! Don’t follow me.

HuaManlou But the ring should be mine.

(X找到了金莲, but H 也跟来了.)

HuaManlou Oh, shit(捂眼). What are you doing? You little bitch, I will kill you. Nine Yin bones claw?

PanJinlian： HaHaHa…! My son is Li Gang, I fear nothing(自信).Who the hell are you?

HuaManlou I’m his wife !!!?!

PanJinlian： You have a wife? You cheated me!

XiMenchuixue： But you have a son, named Li Gang. My heart is broken(扭头退场，留下背影)

PanJinlian： My heart is also broken(冲背影，也下场)

HuaManlou（大喊）My heart is broken into pieces!!!(冲背影)Fuck your sisters.

Narratage：At the same time, Ye Gucheng and the king are playing another legend story.

YeGucheng：转身准备离开

King： Gucheng!? Are you going to abandon me?

YeGucheng：I will!

King： Why ?

YeGucheng：Because I’m not a gay. Once, there was a sincere love available for me , but I didn’t cherish. Now I regret to die! If the god would give me another chance, I would have said to that girl “I love you” .If there must be a limit for it , I hope it was one night. But now ,my heart is broken(退场)

King： Oh ,no. My heart is broken too. (退场)

Narratage：Every one is a fraud. Love is not a thing that you can buy whenever you want. At last, These people with broken heart go back to Tang dynasty, and they all become monks. Then……(放西游记的歌，白龙马最后出场，背后贴字 “White Dragon Horse”

End.

第二篇：搞笑5人英语剧本之西门吹雪

夏：In the last day of school

Our student were very sad and we have the last party

夏Here is a card for Miss Wang let’s write down what we want to say to her

吴You’re so kind to us we learned a lot from you you are very nice to us 夏you helped us a lot you re always so friendly you are our best friend 吴You taught us a lot you are a wonderful teacher

夏I LOVE YOU miss Wang I will miss you

ON the party

夏吴：let’s take the card to Miss wang

陈 oh it’s so beautiful I love it very much

陈hi mike where the middle school did you go?

夏I am going to an international school maomao

吴Too bad we won’t study in the same school we won’t be able to play football together

夏We will my school is just across the street call me up when you are free also I may need your help with my Chinese Let’s try to get together as often as possible

吴Yes I will call you let’s keep in touch

Good bye

夏：after the party A quiet village is covered with white snow . Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is coming in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

高：Oh ,I am sorry to knock you !can I talk to you for a minute 爱: Ha ha, Never mind sure what is it

高:I will leave my school this week what can I do for my school before we leave

爱:you can do many things .you can leave your storybooks to your

schoolmates you can grow some flowers under the trees you can pick up the litter around the building

高: what a good idea!

爱: now,could you tell me your name?

高: Ha ha, I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous-------高瑞仪 Who are you?

爱:I am崔爱莲

高 惊讶:a 崔爱莲?

爱:Yes, what is wrong?

高:I heard that you are the besting killer?

爱:Great, you know me !

抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! let me you go!

爱: No, I must kill you !

高：who can help me?

陈: let’s me help you There are an eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after byher! You can’t kill her 爱: Noway! Because we are fighting now! you know?

陈突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!

(陈拿出一袋牛奶)

爱抢过牛奶:milk, very good! I like drinking it. how do you know that? 高: Please drink it!(坏笑)

爱喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha

高: Do you still want to kill me?

爱: Sure, must! milk is milk.

高(恼怒+冷酷):Very good! Very good! I hope you will not forget what you said!?

爱: I’m sure I won’t!

陈:I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never be have properly! 3-2-1-0!

爱捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !

一起大笑：HaHa……

爱可怜状: help! help! Where is the washroom?

高:What ?

爱:Toliet?

陈:What ?

爱:The “WC”?

陈:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

爱:Thanks,byebye.

掏出纸屑吹:This is snow now!

王:Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!（保护环境是一项基本义务）

陈高:Who areyou?

王:王家琪! Have you seen崔爱莲?

高:Yes, she was beaten by meand is in“WC” now,ha……

王惊讶:Now you are the best in the world!

陈:You are right!

王:Teriffic!you are the one my king looking for! Do you want joinin us? 陈:Yes,It’s very good.

王:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my team that’s was good!

陈高:Ok,Let’s go!

旁白：there are many people in the team

郭:what are this photos

万：look at this picture that my middle school I will go to that school when I get bake to the US

郭:what a big play ground you have !how small your class room building is!

万:there’s a big play ground in most middle school in America we play a lot of ball games we have a lot of after school activities we have about the same subject

爱:everybody now I will talk you about my team is all of the detective and there are very clever.

万:we will catch the bad people on the world now our world has many bad people we will catch them do you want to join us

陈:of course

(电话响了)

王Hello may I spesk to 郭一霖

郭Speaking

王Please as fast as you could and get to the US that’s one beautiful girl was killed

郭Reslly one girl was killed I will go to the Us

万Let’s go

旁白In the US

万Hello policeman what happened

王Let’s see a movie

郭What about

表演蓝可儿在电梯里的动作吴知营

End the movie is about 蓝可儿 now she is dead;she is into the water

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