搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：西门吹雪 叶孤城 花满楼 king 旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。

第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .

Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is coming in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

Y与X相遇．

X：Oh ,I am sorry to knock you !

Y: Ha ha, Never mind baybay.

X: Excuse me， who are you on earth? could you tell me your name?

Y: Ha ha, I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous-------YeGucheng. Who are you?

X:I am Ximenchuixue.

Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchuixue?

X:Yes, what is wrong?

Y:I heard that you are the besting MartialArts?

X:Great, you know me !

Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! let me you go!

X: No, I must kill you !

Y: I don't want to be killed. There are an eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!

X: Noway! Because we are fighting now! you know?

Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!

X: Pardon!

(Y拿出一袋牛奶)

X抢过牛奶:milk, very good! I like drinking it. how do you know that?

Y: Please drink it!

X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha

Y: Do you still want to kill me?

X: Sure, must! milk is milk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good! Very good! I hope you will not forget what you said!?

X: I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never be have properly! 3-2-1-0! X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !

Y大笑：HaHa……

X可怜状: help! help! Where is the washroom?

Y:What ?

X:Toliet?

Y:What ?

X:The “WC”?

Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

X:Thanks,byebye.

Y掏出纸屑吹:This is genuine snow!

H:Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!

Y:Who areyou?

H:Hua---man----lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?

Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in“WC” now,ha……

H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world!

Y:You are right!

H:Teriffic!you are the one my king looking for! Do you want joinin us?

Y:Yes,It’s very good.

H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

Y:Ok,Let’s go!

第二幕：无间道

H:My dearest ! let me introduce Yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is Yegucheng.

K:sit down plese, yegucheng.

H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache,sair and aids?

Y: Yes,Ido.

K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）

X唱着上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子) this ring should be mine!

K:But who are you? Why should it belong you?

Y急切: king! Dear king!I must go now,my brother is looking for me! huoxi(维语再见) K:huoxi? What does that mean? It is not English, isn’t it ?

Y:How clever……

X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here!Iwant to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:oldbrother ! Forgive me!

X:Forgiveme? Why?

Y: Once there was a chance before me, I lost it. If the god give me an other chance, I’ll tell you,I love you,If there must be a limited period,I hope it is thousand year!

X:You shall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can you tell the lady’s“WC”!

Y:I like going lady’s WC .I.I..I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)

K: ayixidailu?What’s the meaning? Why I also can’t understand you?

X:You are stupid! It means“I love you”.

K:Don’t say that you love me. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me!

X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You---kill----me?come, come…(Ｘ抓住K)

K:Fuck you. I must kill you!

X:How can you kill me? haha……

Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

K:thank you very much,you save me. Now, I’ll give you the ticket for American to let you have a vacation.

Y:That’s good. But there is one more thing. Can you give me a MM ?I want to go American with her.

K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……

Y:Hahaha-----

H:Where’s some where?

K:What?

Y:Do you want to go lady’s“WC”?

X:Yes,I……I…… do.

H顶着摇头：X,no, no， you can’t go to Lady’s “WC”. That is not the place where you can go into ! because you are X ! you are the best man of Chinese kongfu!

X: what if I’m the best in the word? Why I try my best to live but I’m still so miserable ? when can I get my freedom? Must be the dead day ? !

K: you are right. One will not be clever until the day he die. In that case ,why will you die in such a bad sorrow way !go into the Lady’s WC , then die , comfortablly ! go ahead !

H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !

K; why ? why do you help him ! who acturally are you ?

H: my real name is LuXiaofeng------the wife of X .I’m a spy.

K惊讶: !you---you---You are LuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?

Y: I have already recognized you . a tricker ! do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! because of you ,I deeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (轻声说)Ｘwill die ,go and see him ,please .

H扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the fature and tomorrow is a good beginning !

K:what a moving story !I was impressed !

Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !

H: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !

(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)

Y痛苦状:don’t leave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please not abandon me ! I realize that I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,help me ,I key you ,beg you------help me . I’ll never do that again !(Y死，音乐停)

（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）

H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .

X:go home ! ?

H:Tomorrow is another day! even you have the last second to live,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love !

X:Do you want me live a life in such a sorrow way ? ok , ok , I promise I will bealive for you .but !you know, I have not time left ,but you have ,promise that you will be happy everyday !You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now ,and never let go of that promise.

H: I promise .

X:Never let go .

H:I promise . I will never let go ,

X.I'll never let go.(X死)

H:be alive! yeah , be alive ! be alive without a hendance !life can be chance like time can go to back . there is beautiful snow but in spring , so life can come from the beginning ! （H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）

第二篇：搞笑5人英语剧本之西门吹雪

夏：In the last day of school

Our student were very sad and we have the last party

夏Here is a card for Miss Wang let’s write down what we want to say to her

吴You’re so kind to us we learned a lot from you you are very nice to us 夏you helped us a lot you re always so friendly you are our best friend 吴You taught us a lot you are a wonderful teacher

夏I LOVE YOU miss Wang I will miss you

ON the party

夏吴：let’s take the card to Miss wang

陈 oh it’s so beautiful I love it very much

陈hi mike where the middle school did you go?

夏I am going to an international school maomao

吴Too bad we won’t study in the same school we won’t be able to play football together

夏We will my school is just across the street call me up when you are free also I may need your help with my Chinese Let’s try to get together as often as possible

吴Yes I will call you let’s keep in touch

Good bye

夏：after the party A quiet village is covered with white snow . Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is coming in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

高：Oh ,I am sorry to knock you !can I talk to you for a minute 爱: Ha ha, Never mind sure what is it

高:I will leave my school this week what can I do for my school before we leave

爱:you can do many things .you can leave your storybooks to your

schoolmates you can grow some flowers under the trees you can pick up the litter around the building

高: what a good idea!

爱: now,could you tell me your name?

高: Ha ha, I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous-------高瑞仪 Who are you?

爱:I am崔爱莲

高 惊讶:a 崔爱莲?

爱:Yes, what is wrong?

高:I heard that you are the besting killer?

爱:Great, you know me !

抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! let me you go!

爱: No, I must kill you !

高：who can help me?

陈: let’s me help you There are an eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after byher! You can’t kill her 爱: Noway! Because we are fighting now! you know?

陈突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!

(陈拿出一袋牛奶)

爱抢过牛奶:milk, very good! I like drinking it. how do you know that? 高: Please drink it!(坏笑)

爱喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha

高: Do you still want to kill me?

爱: Sure, must! milk is milk.

高(恼怒+冷酷):Very good! Very good! I hope you will not forget what you said!?

爱: I’m sure I won’t!

陈:I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never be have properly! 3-2-1-0!

爱捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !

一起大笑：HaHa……

爱可怜状: help! help! Where is the washroom?

高:What ?

爱:Toliet?

陈:What ?

爱:The “WC”?

陈:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

爱:Thanks,byebye.

掏出纸屑吹:This is snow now!

王:Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!（保护环境是一项基本义务）

陈高:Who areyou?

王:王家琪! Have you seen崔爱莲?

高:Yes, she was beaten by meand is in“WC” now,ha……

王惊讶:Now you are the best in the world!

陈:You are right!

王:Teriffic!you are the one my king looking for! Do you want joinin us? 陈:Yes,It’s very good.

王:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my team that’s was good!

陈高:Ok,Let’s go!

旁白：there are many people in the team

郭:what are this photos

万：look at this picture that my middle school I will go to that school when I get bake to the US

郭:what a big play ground you have !how small your class room building is!

万:there’s a big play ground in most middle school in America we play a lot of ball games we have a lot of after school activities we have about the same subject

爱:everybody now I will talk you about my team is all of the detective and there are very clever.

万:we will catch the bad people on the world now our world has many bad people we will catch them do you want to join us

陈:of course

(电话响了)

王Hello may I spesk to 郭一霖

郭Speaking

王Please as fast as you could and get to the US that’s one beautiful girl was killed

郭Reslly one girl was killed I will go to the Us

万Let’s go

旁白In the US

万Hello policeman what happened

王Let’s see a movie

郭What about

表演蓝可儿在电梯里的动作吴知营

End the movie is about 蓝可儿 now she is dead;she is into the water

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