罗密欧与朱丽叶
第一场:我要穿越
罗:(穷困潦倒ing)哎,这日子是没法过了,这对象也是没法找了……
路A:嘿,欧阿,你是咋滴啦
罗:被人鄙视了呗,我他妈就一“三没”产品!(气愤)
路A:恩?
罗:没房 没车
路A:and then?不是还有个没么?
罗:他奶奶地咻,倒霉的霉!
路A:哎,欧阿,21世纪神马都是浮云,别太在意sa!
罗:哎,恨爹不成刚啊!
路A:要不我帮你出出主意?
罗:就你?狗嘴里吐不出象牙……
路A:切!你就吐得出来?吐个瞧瞧?(罗:你!)……好心当成驴肝肺…… 罗:别价,说来听听?
路A:穿越!
罗:恩?
路A:你看哈,那个什么《宫》阿、什么《惊心》阿、什么《神话》阿,都是这个套路 ……要是穿成个穷人,就凭你这点现代头脑还怕不能创造财富么?再说了,要是一个不小心穿成个什么皇子王爷的,不是吃么么香了么!
罗:恩,有点意思,go on~,这个…怎么个执行法儿?
路A:欧啊,穿越这事儿就像考研,是门技术活儿,也是撞大运。要穿就得有耐力、毅力、动力、魅力,外加少许滴不可抗力。
罗:太抽了,太抽了,具体点儿,具体点儿?
路A:附耳过来~!
(小聚)
第二场:一切为了穿越
旁白:从那以后,歌房、体育馆、图书馆、酒店厨房、京剧班子……
罗:开玩笑,这些都是一个穿越人的必备能力好不好!
深夜,寝室,台灯下:
罗(伏在写字台上,电脑打开“穿越计划笔记本!.doc”):那狗牙告诉过我,要穿越就得死! 显示:看到第一行:“车祸……”,
旁白:可是,一月前:某人从“外环”走到“内环”,终于——两眼一闭,把心一横…… 交警(一把拉住,苦口婆心地规劝):小同志,年纪轻轻的有什么想不开的呢?这世上哪有人解决不了的事儿呢?这年头谁都活得不容易,对不对?所以你要死也别死我这片儿,善后是很麻烦的啊……
ging~某人僵直……冰冻图
旁白:于是,某人蹲点三天,终于打上一辆无照驾驶的黑车
罗:师傅,我们来个狂飙……
旁白:后来从上大开到彭浦就用了三个小时
师傅:靠!又他妈的堵车!
ging~某人僵直……冰冻图
显示:车祸穿--叉掉!
看到第二行:“高空坠落穿,例如:跳悬崖、摔跟头、从阳台掉下去…………”
旁白:一天我们的欧站在楼梯上鼓了好几次气,还是不敢滚下去……
罗:八十九级呀,这台阶有八十九级啊!(后面上来的人一撞,砰!)啊~~
(落入某丑女怀抱)
罗(沮丧):哎,谢谢哈
女(扭结ing,面红耳赤):欧同学……其实我……其实我……喜欢你很久了……"
ging~某人僵直……冰冻图
旁白:于是乎,小欧逛遍了上海没找到称心的悬崖,后来听人说跳崖很可能死不透彻,便打消了该念头。当然,小欧觉得跳楼可能会砸到无辜群众或者公共设施,同时,死相也会吓倒纯洁的小朋友,故而,该念头亦被打消。
显示:坠落穿--叉掉!
其他类似触电穿(触电)、落水穿(泮池,捏鼻跳)、睡眠穿(睡帽)……,屡试不成! 显示:触电穿--叉掉、落水穿--叉掉、睡眠穿--叉掉、叉掉、叉掉、叉掉、叉掉、叉掉 旁白:一年后
校花:欧同学,其实……我……一直都在关注你,en……你琴棋书画样样都行(显示:还记得歌房、体育馆、图书馆、酒店厨房、京剧班子……么?),又有个性(N种自杀方式),你…你……你……能不能接受我?(期间不断“啊”?)
ging~某人僵直……冰冻图
旁白:校花告白应该是校园恋爱最完美的回报了吧……可我们的小欧正在想得却是…… 罗:我到底为什么要穿越?为了看MM把马子?(苦笑……)是啊,到底为什么穿越呢? (寝室)
罗(删除doc,释然):我有现在多亏了你呢!谢谢,再见了……洗个澡,从头开始(唱山歌,妹妹你坐船头呀/换大米 换大米……)恩(三声),啊(下水道图)~~~
旁白:没错,他……梦想成真了……
第三场:所谓耗子
罗(坐在地上,泼皮状):为什么呀,为什么呀,(爬起来)我要穿,我要穿回去!等等,容我想想,毛巾?(bin~)淋浴器?(bin~)肥皂?(bin~)下水道?(bin~)
罗:有了!毛巾(撕下衣服,布条,配乐),淋浴器?有了,水桶!肥皂?是猪油么?老板,给块猪皮!恩,问问:喂,你知道下水道这东东么?
室友(穷人):下水道?东东?那是个什么玩意,不是耗子洞吧!
罗:bingo!精辟!
旁白:于是乎,我们的罗同志,除了上工干活儿,一得空儿就带着“毛巾”、套着“水桶”、拎着“猪皮”,挖耗子洞(挖地动画)
旁白:与此同时……
朱(极度柔弱): oh, 我不行了,oh, 我的小黑呀
仆人A:oh,美丽的朱丽叶小姐,您怎么了,出什么事儿了?
仆人B:这还看不懂么?小姐的那只黑耗子又不见了……
仆人C:哎,又得刨地去了……
朱(彪悍):oh, my ladegaga! 你们几个在这嘀嘀咕咕、唧唧歪歪的干什么,还不快去帮老娘把那死耗子给逮dei回来,你们个顶个的给我卖力着点,当心老娘扒了你们的皮!!! 旁白:与此同时again……
罗:咦,这个什么?一只耗子?(满脸黑炭,拎出只耗子)
朱:oh, (抽泣欲哭)小黑黑呀~~~(调子:小白菜呀)
仆人A:(接过耗子)滚一边儿去……
仆人B:咦,这桶不错,回去yan咸菜正好
仆人C(奸笑):这猪皮……算你小子有眼力劲儿~~(一把夺过)
朱(彪悍):oh, my ladegaga!(看到欧,爱恋状,爱心前后)
朱(柔弱):(手绢)小女子姓朱,名丽叶,(依靠)今天真是多亏公子您了~,请问公子大名! 罗(小声):朱……朱丽叶?嘿,我还罗密欧呢!
朱(柔弱):噢,罗公子~!
第四场:窗台小聚
众仆:小姐回房了!(背景音乐《包青天》)
仆A:各小队集合!稍息,立正!向右看齐!
仆A:恩?怎么连左右都不分,你们怎么保卫小姐的安全?(拿出一根萝卜用手指着说)最近有个姓罗的家伙,对我们小姐心怀不轨。我们要提高警惕,加~~~强防范。(狠狠地咬一口萝卜,吐在地上,众仆人聚拢过来看)
仆A:下面听我命令:一小队,去查大门!
一小队:喳!(行清朝礼仪)
仆A:二小队,去查后门!
二小队:Yes,sir!(敬礼)
仆A:三小队,去查狗洞!
三小队:嘿!(鞠躬,90度)
仆A:还不快去!(三小队慌忙下场)
仆A:咦,有人!(做藏身状,罗密欧偷偷摸摸上,背景音乐《鬼子进村》)
罗密欧:没有你们我怎么办?(sing)
(总管出来与罗见面,左摇,右晃。两人跳开)
仆A:“在哪里,在哪里见过你?你的面容如此熟悉。”来者何人,报上名来!
罗:我没忘记你,忘记我,连名字你都叫不出来~~(邓丽君)
仆A:不…不管了,瞧你这小样儿,不管是谁,要想见我们家小姐,先过我这关
(男儿当自强音乐起,两人面对面摆出黄飞鸿经典姿势)
(音乐10秒后停止)
齐:(两人突然蹦到一起)两只小蜜蜂啊,飞在花丛中啊,左飞飞,右飞飞,飞啊啪啪,飞啊啪啪,飞啊啪啪~~~
总:(捂着被打肿的脸)小子,你等着!
罗:哈哈哈哈??
罗:朱丽叶,真的是你吗?
朱:(深情的点头,两人手牵手,深情地望着对方,转几圈)(配乐:你是风儿我是沙) 罗:oh,亲爱的朱丽叶,其实我这次来只想对你说一句话,我的那些东东什么时候才能还给我?
朱:(高跟鞋扭脚)(彪悍)娘的,老娘重要的还是,那个什么东东重要,说,给老娘说清楚,要是那个什么东东重要,我…我…我就喝了它(饮料瓶贴“毒药”)
罗:饿,别……你重要
朱:恩,小A把那个叫“东东”给我毁了!
罗:饿,别…别…(冲过去,抱A腿)东东重要,东东重要!
朱:我勒了个去(一口气喝完)
小A:好呀,你害死了我家小姐!
朱:不~~~这…这……这可是我回去的唯一希望了……哎,与其回不去,不如…不如自我了断!(抄起水果刀)(配乐就义)
罗:(醒来)(广播语)呵呵,瘦下来牌儿减肥药,中西结合无毒无副作用,苗条身材给力不坑爹,儿童亦可服用哦~ 我就吓吓他!(一摸鼻息,没气)
(抽泣大哭)欧呀,你这傻帽,咋这么想不开nie,不就一张猪皮儿么!(琼瑶)密欧~ 山无棱,天地合,才敢与君绝。(抄起水果刀)
第五场:再续前缘
21世纪,XX博物馆
罗看着莎士比亚手稿,哭了,(我滴东东呀!!!),看到朱,(你真狠,你真的好狠哪),哭得更凶
朱=吴(配乐:步步)
第二篇:罗密欧与朱丽叶话剧英文版
Scene I
( Julia and Romeo are classmates. Julia has liked Romeo for a long time. Today, Julia determines to show her feelings to Romeo. He passes by Betty and Clover. Julia is waiting for the bus. )
Betty & Clover: Wow?so handsome.
Julia: Hi, Romeo.
Romeo: Hi.
Julia: Your clothes fit you well.
Romeo: Oh! Thanks. You look charming, too.
Julia: Oh! Really? In fact, I ??have something to tell you. Romeo: What is it?
Julia: Un ~It’s a little difficult to say. Just?just? (shy!) Romeo: Just what?
Julia: Just?I like you!! (determined)
(Romeo and Julia stop action)
Clover: Oh! My goodness! Do you hear what she said?
Betty: Yeah! To my surprise.
Clover: Look at her! So fat, so black, and?
Betty: Yeah?.you can say that again.
Romeo: (surprised) But I want a thin girl.
Julia: Okay! Give me some time. And I’ll show you.
——————————————————————————–
Scene II
(Julia had a plan of losing weight.she goes to the pharmacy to buy the most popular medicine “Slim Body” )
Frank: May I help you?
Julia: Do you have this kind of medicine called “Slim Body”? Frank: Of course we do.
(Now, Allen comes in at the same time.)
Allen: Frank, do you have “Slim Body”? I want to buy more. It makes me lose weight from 300 kilos to 70 kilos.
Frank: Wow. Amazing! Here you are!
Allen: Thanks. (Go out.)
Julia: I want to buy a dozen of it. (After eating “Slim Body”, Julia gets the trots,and she failed. Then, she decided to go on a diet.) (In the restaurant)
Clerk: Can I take your order?
Clover: French fries, chicken and a large cola.
Betty: Hamburger, one large milk shake.
Clerk: Anything for you?
Julia: Please give me a cup of water and some crackers. (Surprised by Julia’s order, they all turn their heads toward her.)
Clerk: That’s all?
Julia: Yeah?(Julia looks at Clover and Betty enjoying their food. And Julia is very hungry. But she can’t eat. She wants to lose weight. Then, she passes out.)
Julia: I want to be slim!
(A month later)
Julia: I’ve become a thin girl. Now I can go to see Romeo. And he’s gonna accept me. Romeo, Romeo?..(Yell?Julia meets Romeo.)
Julia: Hi, my dear Romeo. I’ve become a thin girl. Would you be my boyfriend?
Romeo: Oh, Julia you look so different now. But I like girls with fair complexion.
Julia: Oh, um??Ok, wait for me.
Scene III
( Julia’s friends come visit her, and want to invite Julia to the beach.) Clover: The weather is nice for going out. We want to go to the beach. Would you like to join us?
Julia: I’d like to? but it’s too hot. I don’t want to get a tan.
Allen: Don’t worry. We won’t spend too much time staying in the sun.
Clover: Come on, come on.
Carol: Come with us.
Julia: Okay?give me a little time to prepare for that. (Few minutes later)
Clover & Carol: Are you done?
Julia : Yes, i am coming.
(She comes out with a lot of protections for her face.)
cClover & Carol: woh??
(Two months later, Julia has become a girl with a fair complexion,and she decided to show her love to Romeo one more time)
——————————————————————————–
Scene IV
Julia: I think I ‘m a perfect woman now. Romeo will be very proud to have me. Romeo, Romeo??Romeo, look at me! Don’t you think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world? You would love to be my sweet heart, wouldn’t you? Romeo: Wow! You’ve become so beautiful. But I can not accept you. Julia: Why? I’ve done so many things for you.
Romeo: Because I already have a boyfriend.
Julia: Boyfriend?
(Allen shows up.)
Romeo: Honey~
(Allen and Romeo walk away hand in hand.)
Julia is heart broken and sorrowful,she realize that if the opposite sex do not like you ,whatever you have sacrificed for her ,the fact will not change,so what the most important thing is not changing yourself into a pefect persom that others hoped ,just to be yourself and enrich yourself ,maybe someday in the future,you will find ture love.
Julia is studying in the classroom
Julia : hey boy ,here is your book
Liang:smile at her ,thank you ,but now ,it is your book
Julia smile back to him :by the way ,could you please tell me what is your name?”
Liang: my name is liangshangbo,iam from china
Later they fall in love ,and get married
Lomeo:
Once there was a true love at my hand ,but I didn't cherish it .I didn't realize it until it was gone.There is nothing more miserable than it .If God can give me a chance to restart ,I'll say 3 words to her --- I Love You.If I have to add a deadline to the love I hope it will be ten thousand years