昨天听聚成管理咨询公司张荣老师的<时间管理>,提到了一个"墨非定律",今天在网站上一查,感觉恩有意思,顺便摘抄下来,供大家欣赏.

这个定律很有意思．我们无可奈何的事情都可以归于这个定律了．

19xx年，一位名叫墨菲的空军上尉工程师，认为他的某位同事是个倒霉蛋，不经意间开了句玩笑：?如果一件事情有可能被弄糟，让他去做就一定会弄糟。?

这句话迅速流传，并扩散到世界各地。在流传扩散的过程中，这句笑话逐渐失去它原有的局限性，演变成各种各样的形式，其中一个最通行的形式是：?如果坏事情有可能发生，不管这种可能性多么小，它总会发生，并引起最大可能的损失。?这就是著名的?墨菲定律?。

下面是墨菲定律的一些变种或推论。

人生：

1、别试图教猫唱歌，这样不但不会有结果，还会惹猫不高兴。

2、别跟傻瓜吵架，不然旁人会搞不清楚，到底谁是傻瓜？

3、不要以为自己很重要，因为没有你，太阳明天还是一样从东方升上来。

4、笑一笑，明天未必比今天好。

5、好的开始，未必就有好结果；坏的开始，结果往往会更糟。

处世

6、你若帮助了一个急需用钱的朋友，他一定会记得你──在他下次急需用钱的时候。

7、有能力的，让他做；没能力的，教他做；做不来的，管理他。

8、你早到了，会议却取消；你准时到，却还要等；迟到，就是迟了。

9、你携伴出游，越不想让人看见，越会遇见熟人。

爱情

10、你爱上的人，总以为你爱上他是因为：他使你想起你的老情人。

11、你最后硬着头皮寄出情书，寄达对方的时间有多长，你反悔的时间就有多长。

常识

12、东西越好，越不中用。

13、一种产品保证60天不会出故障，等于保证第61天一定就会坏掉。

14、东西久久都派不上用场，就可以丢掉；东西一丢掉，往往就必须要用它。

15、你丢掉了东西时，最先去找的地方，往往也是可能找到的最后一个地方。

16、你往往会找到不是你正想找的东西。

17、你出去买爆米花的时候，银幕上偏偏就出现了精采镜头。

18、排队时，另一排总是动得比较快；你换到另一排，你原来站的那一排，就开始动得比较快了；你站得越久，越有可能是站错了排。

19、一分钟有多长？这要看你是蹲在厕所里面，还是等在厕所外面。

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以下网友留言只代表其个人观点，不代表新浪网的观点或立场 咖啡不加糖

2006-09-11 15:04:01

一、创意资源定律：

*创意部一定要招募一个庸才，以便大家避开其idea。

最后采用的通常都是其idea。

*大创意秘诀：所有的idea都被否定后，不妨试试客户的。

例：客户说：“六月飞雪”，你只要说“大如席”，大创意即可产生。

*与策略相悖的idea, 往往最具创意。

*客户把创意变糟的能力远强于你弄好它的。

*大家看A拷贝的时候，就是竞品相同创意广告片播出的时候。

*会被执行的，一定是备用方案。

二、客户合作定律：

*客户与广告公司，任何一个犯错误都会导致滞销，除非两者都错了。

*计划越完美，执行时漏洞越多。

*客户预算通常与加班费金额成反比。

*向客户提交广告效果调研报告前，自行偷买一批客户产品是明智的。

*提案文件厚度与其价值成反比。

三、提案结论定律：

*a：会议结束前五分钟进屋的人，意见肯定与众不同。

b：这个人通常是老板。

*只要时间足够，争论的双方都会改变看法，然后继续争论。

四、创意自慰定律：

*连续播放十年，任何广告都会成为经典。

*资深媒介补充推论：如果广告片反反映平平，那就该以提高频次，长期播出来弥补。 *资深AE补充推论：还要加上几千万大抽奖来促销。

*资深调研补充推论：两周后再做一次广告效果调查，结论一定大大不同。

五、办公系列定律：

*法网恢恢定律：错误总会被发现。通常是在提案刚刚开始，或者印刷结束以后。 *设施害羞定律：电脑会死机，投影仪会不亮--要是客户正在看它们。

*准确交稿日期计算定律：从工作单最后期限起，再下两周的周一下午。

*工作有灵定律：工作单的数量，随休假期限临近而激增，休假完毕则骤减。 *加薪定律：你犯错的第二天，加薪评估单准会出现在你桌子上。

六、AE定律：

*你永远不可能想出有价值的东西，除非成为广告主管--在客户那边。

*不能骂客户的产品，否则你的薪水就没了--被辞退。

*不能夸客户的产品，否则你的薪水也没了--你得买。

七、媒介购买诚实定律：

*不能告诉客户周五的版面排满了，要说编辑们都预言星期日会有新闻。

*如果客户的侄子在报社，就要说实话：其它报纸更好。或传单效果最佳。

八、调研美感定律：

*要雾里看花。得出明确结论是你的失职；得出唯一结论则是你的耻辱。

*如果报告页码太少，就把数据改装成图表，然后全部译成英文，统统订在一起。 *推论：把以上内容复印两遍订在一起，效果更好。

九、设计人员无能证明：

大家都开了一上午的媒介分析会，你不参加怎能进步？

另外，昨晚交待的五十个报纸稿，为什麽还没完成？

等等，把这张客户老爸照片上的皱纹用电脑修修，午饭前打印出来。

十、文案必败定律：

*即使周围的人都没有手、不识字、不能口述，你也不会赢。你会被关在笼子里展览。 *你在庆幸“地址：”这句总算没有被改过的痕迹？错了！已改成“公司地址：”。 *推论：从通通要改的结局看，各种写法都不会有区别。

*续推论：写假字就好。

十一、比稿会议记录莫非版：

*用不着费心相互介绍，没人在乎对方是谁。

*市调报告不过是把客户给的东西热一下在端上来而已。

*没有比竞品分析、客户资源、目标问题更能让客户恼羞成怒的东西了。

*行销建议仅能打断客户销售经理的鼾声，以促其翻身睡的更欢。

*市场策略？不，还是直接谈广告吧。

*创意，就像动物园来了头新鹿。新鹿也只是鹿嘛。

*连要收50%回扣的客户广告经理都哑然失笑：提出的预算要除以10才成。

*此时，客户老板双眼一亮。这与本会无关--是想起了内定广告公司的漂亮妞。

*再坚持半小时，就能吃上招待午饭，然而全体已经起立。

*回到公司，总有人会发现手机忘在出租车里了。

不过，其司机态度之恶劣肯定会让大家难忘。

补充定律：

*如果你对以上定律心有戚戚，你将被减薪。

*如果它们更加坚定了你的从业信心，则下岗在即。

墨非定律（Murphy?s Law）即：「事情如有可能出错，就会出错」（If anything can go wrong,it will），从管理领域而言就是指「尝试与错误」（Trial and Error）的情况，但总以减少错误以达成最大效果为主要途径，行政管理的「控制程序」主要步骤包括「设定标准」、「检验复核」与「正确途径」。即力求减少错误的管理途径，墨非定律可以衬托出行政管理方面「控制」程序的意义，及采取正确途径的重要性。

[匿名] susu

2006-09-12 14:10:50

做一回沙发吧，有点儿深奥，需要时间慢慢消化。

[匿名] 咖啡

2006-09-12 14:16:09

1.等公交车的时候，半天都不来，眼看马上就要迟到，刚刚狠狠心打车，坐上之后出去不到50米，回头一看，发现公交车来了！

2.同样是等公交车，等半天不来，好不容易来一辆，急匆匆挤上去，不小心往后一看，后面又来了一辆，里面都没有多少人！

2006-09-12 18:46:03

“16、你往往会找到不是你正想找的东西。”

意外找到了心爱的东西，失而复得，狂喜之际，竟然忘了开始是在寻找什么。

[匿名] 蝶恋花

2006-10-12 16:37:50

这个定律了我还是不大明白呀，好像是说着说着就变味了是的，延伸意太深奥了

物超所值的选择，你够精明吗？

第二篇：Murphy-墨菲定律

Murphy's laws

If anything can go wrong, it will

Corollary: It can

Corollary sent by Dr. Allen Roberds

MacGillicuddy's Corollary: At the most inopportune time

Corollary sent by Earl R. Johnson

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong

If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway

If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop

Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others

Corollary sent by Sean Cheshire

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw

Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.

Corollary sent by Dave M.

Mother nature is a bitch.

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics

Things get worse under pressure.

The Murphy Philosophy

Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws

Everything goes wrong all at once.

Murphy's Constant

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

Murphy's Law of Research

Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.

Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.

Sent by Tony '68

Addition to Murphy's Laws

In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.

More Laws

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem. Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Everything takes longer than you think.

Everything takes longer than it takes.

Sent by Jon Carpenter

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. Every solution breeds new problems.

The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance. no matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up.

Sent by Mitch

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Sent by Paul Breen

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

More Laws of Selective Gravitation.

A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.

A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot). If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.

If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.

More Laws of Selective Gravitation were sent by Jack from the Classic CKLW Page

The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.

Sent by Ralph

You will always find something in the last place you look.

If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last.

Sent by Alegna

It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.

Sent by Peter

After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.

Sent by Dizzy

You have to look where you lost it.

Sent by ClaytonPrc@aol.com

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

The other line always moves faster.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought. If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up. If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it. Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Sent by John Cougar and by getalife who asks "who wrote that?".

Illustrious Blackbird knew the answer, it was Samuel L. Clemens also known as Mark Twain.

Where patience fails, force prevails.

Sent by Woody.

Erma Bombeck

"Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.

Sent by Amwood1@amwoodhomes.com.

Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:

The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you, the worse you know when this will happen,

and vice-versa.

and Relativistic correction of Murphy's law:

Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference. Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):

Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway. Were sent by Simone Penzavalle.

If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.

If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.

When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.

Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.

Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back. If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.

He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.

The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa,

Thank you.

Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again. Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.

(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example) The fish are always biting....yesterday!

You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.

Sent by Sean Murphy

The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind. Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten. The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks. EIGHT laws were sent by Charles L. Mays,

Thank you.

When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in. Sent by Fridrik Bjarnason

Or in another version

The light at the end of the tunnel is a train

Sent by Steve

Cole's Law:

Thinly sliced cabbage.

Sent by Michael

Being dead right, won't make you any less dead.

and

Having the right of way, won't make you any less dead.

Sent by anonymous

Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want. Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it.

Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.

The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.

The four last laws were sent by Joe

Crespins law of observation:

the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions

Sent by R. Crespin esq.

If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers. Sent by Chris Davidsen, from Norway.

A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation.

If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable.

If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.

no matter where I go, there I am

Sent by John Davenport

Where patience fails, force prevails.

Sent by Woody

Murphy's Law Current Revision

Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!

You just haven't been notified.

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."

Said by Isaac Asimov

A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had

plagiarized his "Gamble's Law" which says that "The letter box is always on the other side of the road"

If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time. If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person. Sent by Timothy Boilard

Waxman's Law:

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Last two laws were sent by Del Ross

Skarstad's Observation

You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.

Sent by Gayle

If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.

Sent by Greg

all good things come to those who wait...

but , don't wait too long or they will pass you by...

like 2 ships that pass in the night...

never again to return that same exact site.

Sent by Jujuakita

If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done.

Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.

Sent by D-D-D-Dave

You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water Sent by John

Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.

Sent by anonymous

Long's Law

Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.

Sent by Chris Moore

McFalls' Maxim

No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.

Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you're still screwed.

Sent by Oliver McFalls

Hunter's Corollary to Murphy's Law:

Things always go from bad to worse.

Hunter's Observation on Beauty:

Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower.

Hunter's Observation on Experts:

An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.

Hunter's Observation on Sugarcoating:

All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.

Hunter's Observation on hypocrites:

A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite. Hunter's Observation on Education and Oz:

"We can give you a diploma, but we can't give you a brain."

The last six laws were sent by Hunter

Sgt. Murphy's Law

Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk.

Sent by Bird Waring

The Law of Stupid Tricks

Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.

Sent by Zenjive

Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space. Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you'll have.

Sent by Magycke

Paper is always strongest at the perforation.

Sent by Mike

Things are never as good as they are bad.

Sent by Scott Miller

Chaos always wins, because it's better organized.

Sent by Regards Walter citing Terry Pratchett

The Wingwalker's Rule:

Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else. Sent by D. Kinloch.

A bird in the hand is messy.

Sent by Ted Machler

The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.

Sent by Jenny Pitt

When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them. Sent by Pieter

If Murphy's law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic - Steven Wright

Sent by Deke

If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will.

Sent by Mark

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come...

Sent by Yaron Budowski

If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried. Sent by Damien Hope

Mrs. Murphy's Law:

If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town.... Sent by Sharon Murphy

If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.

Sent by Jeronimo

Warneke Law

You cannot force Murphy's Law to happen and you can't use it in reverse. Sent by Warneke

When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.

Sent by mark peacock

Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.

Think about it, complete the circle.

Sent by Sam Diggly who's dad told her this law after she got married. It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again.

Sent by Tracey Goldstein

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, the pessimist fears this is true.

Sent by what'd ya say?

You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it. Sent by Conan Rock

Hofstadter's Law:

It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Sent by Ben Jones

In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it's as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are.

Sent by Lois Weiner

The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo

Sent by G B

Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.

The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.

Sent by Keith Hipkins

Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock

Sent by Bryan Ortiz

Window polishing:

It's always on the other side.

Sent by Jakob Sultan

Hall's Law:

Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention.

Sent by Colin

(Another) Hall's Law

Minor problem isn't.

Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall

A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.

If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you'll push it to that distance.

The last two laws were sent by Luciano Quinones

If it looks good,

And it taste good,

And it feels good,

There has got to be something wrong some where,

So be careful.

Sent by Shirley Cameron

Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.

Sent by Robert Dion

The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.

Sent by GKarlitz1@aol.com

No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right. Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.

The last two laws were sent by Robert K White

When you really need something, its either not available, or can't be found. When you don't need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.

Sent by Robert Van Sile

Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later. Sent by Jeff S

Law of Conservation of Filth:

In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty. Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:

It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean. Sent by Scott Tietjen, AKA, "Great Scott"

The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile. Sent by Larry

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Sent by G Martin

Gumperson's Law:

The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.

Sent by Ken Kaplan

Uffelman's Razor:

[Given Murphy's law, ...] One should not attribute to evil design any unfortunate result which can be attributed to error. A mistake (or series of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation.

Conspiracy Corollary to Uffelman's Razor:

Nothing should be attributed to conspiracy that can be explained by error or a succession of errors.

Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to "fake" the Apollo moon landing. Such an undertaking would be so likely to result in multiple glitches that it would be nearly impossible to pull off. Thus, conspiracy is an unlikely explanation of events. Accordingly, the "evidence" of the "faked" landing is more likely a result of the errors of those interpreting the evidence than of the evil design of the alleged conspirators.

Example 2: The Warren Report.

Any open questions in the Warren Report are more likely the result of the errors of the Warren commission, or the errors of those interpreting the Warren Report, than the result of a conspiracy to cover up the true facts. copyright 1995, 2002. David G. Uffelman

Probability law:

Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.

Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won't happen.

Sent by Sylvain Galibert

Common Sense Is Not So Common

Power Is Taken... Not Given

Sent by John Burke

Two wrongs don't make a right. It usually takes three or four. If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.

The last two laws were sent by Lenny Quites

When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.

Sent by Rivers

Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful brake them.

Solon, ancient Greece

Sent by Red

key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.

Sent by Divya

The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Sent by Ross Henderson

Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.

Sent by Anonymousepad

Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.

Sent by GL Roberts

If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.

Sent by Bob Holdegraver

If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn't go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.

Sent by John Wilson

Common sense isn't.

Sent by Joe Facchini

The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits. Sent by Mark M Stevens

The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist. Sent by Elizabeth A. Kennedy

Those who don't take decisions never make mistakes.

Sent by Asier Zabarte

The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can't last forever. Sent by Taranis Valerin

Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong. Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security. If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.

The only time you're right, is when its about being wrong.

The only times something's right, is when everyone agrees its wrong. The last five laws were sent by Thomas Wrobel

If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law will backfire.

Sent by Pat M.

Its never so bad it couldn't be worse.

Sent by Raymond J. Gunn that says that his friend George Brabbs use to say it, then he died, now he wonders

Murphy's Metalaw

Knowing Murphy's Law will never help.

Occult Principle of Murphism

To know Murphy's Law is to draw its attention.

Avoidance Law

If for some reason Murphy's Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.

Hermetic Murphism

As above, so below.

The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.

Buddha's Version of Murphy's Law

Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly.

Fleming's corollary:

Nothing ever gets better.

Murphologist's Curse

Given time one can develop a sense of how Murphy's Law will act, but the Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.

The last seven laws were sent by Azrias Mordax

The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you

Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you

Law of cooperatives

In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next

The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba

Mr. Murphy warning:

Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy

Mrs. Murphy's Law:

If something goes wrong, it's Mr. Murphy's fault.

Last two laws were sent by Frank O'Neal

Mrs. Murphy's Law

If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the blame

Sent by ginakell@hotmail.com

Lewis' Axiom

The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible

Sent by Robert Lewis

Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.

Sent by Nabeel

Another name for Murphy's law: The law of conservation of misery Sent by Achten

Carvalheiro's deduction

If in a particular circumstance Murphy's law don't apply, then something must be wrong

Sent by Filipe Carvalheiro

Sharad's Law

If Murphy's law is right then it will go wrong

Sent by Sharad Bhandari

A law about websites:

The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.

Sent by Shaunna

Laws about this site:

The More the number of laws you claim to have, the more the number of laws you are going to miss.

Sent by Sathish

This site won't open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy laws are

Sent by Dinni

Remember:

Shit happens

Murphy's law is intrinsic.

Sent by wolfram

And on the eighth day God said;"O.K. Murphy, you take over!

Sent by Robert A. Silvestri

Larry Niven's summary of Murphy's Law:

The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.

Sent by Kevin Boland

The road to success is always under construction

By Anton Figg (?)

and never forget O'Toole's Corollary or

Sod's Law or

McGillicuddy Law

Murphy was an optimist

Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren't there? Or in other words:

someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.

The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.

You get all the credit for the dumb move.

Murphy was an extreme optimist!

Says Charles L. Mays

And we'll end this page with something optimistic (don't hit me).

Don't worry about Murphy's Law, you know it's gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!

Sent by Ruth Beaty

The humor of Murphy's Law leaves you laughing at the end of the day. If you make it through a Murphy Day...you win!

---Murphy's love laws---

All the good ones are taken.

If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.

The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.

Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.

This constant is always zero.

Sent by Van Den Bossche Jochen

The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.

Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position. The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.

Nice guys (girls) finish last.

The good ones die first.

Sent by Henry

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.

The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

Nothing improves with age.

No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

Sex has no calories.

Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. No sex with anyone in the same office.

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. Virginity can be cured.

When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

Sex is dirty only if it's done right.

It is always the wrong time of month.

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.

Love is a hole in the heart.

If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

Do it only with the best.

Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Anonymous comment:

The person who said that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...NEVER loved and lost!

Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.

Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.

A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.

What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

Never say no.

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.

A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.

Love comes in spurts.

The world does not revolve on an axis.

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

Don't do it if you can't keep it up.

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

"This won't hurt, I promise."

Nothing improves with age.

An ex-wife/husband will always be "till death do us part".

Sent by Leesa.

When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen.

When that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears. It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.

Although it may seem like that on the outside, no one is having fun being single

If you're heart is broken, sweep up the pieces.

There will always be someone who will want to put it back together. The last four laws were sent by David

Love and high-school must NEVER go together.

Sent by GonzRock

If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?

Sent by Ray Williams

Show me a husband who won't, I'll show you a neighbor who will

It doesn't matter HOW good it was, if you end up worrying or regretting it, it was bad sex

You get the best sex from the worst one for you

Never trust a woman who acts like you are so sexy she can't help herself but drag you to bed

No one is as fascinating as they think

The last two laws were sent by Jack Betz

If you believe a relationship can't work, but feel the need to try, it won't.

Corollary: You will later find out that your lack of belief caused it to fail.

Sent by Greg

The duration of a relationship to a person is inversely proportionate to the importance of person to you.

Sent be Sweatnpup

The Key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time. Sent by Finding Forrester.

The two thing no man can ever understand; Women and what makes all men complete damm fools over women.

Sent by Jack Betz

Love makes believers of us all.

Translation: Love obscures common sense.

Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the plague.

The last two laws were sent by Greg

If you go behind a girl you are heading to trouble.

sent by Pradeep S.

In the eternal battle of the sexes, women are already the winners. Sent by Jack Betz

When with your girlfriend you will always have gas.

Sent by Steve Barrett

Celibacy is not heredity.

Sent by king Ed

The hornier someone is, the less likely that it will be they have sex. Corollary Horniness is inversely related to one's chance of scoring The man shalt not win the argument he started

The man shalt not win the argument he didn't start

If a man won an argument, it was just in his head

(for the ladies) Try and try as you might, there will still be times where men are just assholes. We can't help it and we're sorry

A love will tell you they love you endlessly. A true love will tell everyone else they love you endlessly despite the embarrassment factor When all else fails, have hope

The last 7 laws were sent by David

Eichel's Rule - During sex, try to sweat

Sent by Bird Waring

In Romance; and in Finance we play with Figures.

A cauliflower resembles a rose, if your eyesight is not 6/6

Before falling in love do take your backup, it always helps in recovery. The last three laws were sent by Asim Qadri

if a man has it he won't want it,

the guy who buys it won't use it,

the guy who uses it could give a shit about it,

so don't give a shit and you will have it all.

Sent by Ervin the Dray of USA

Love has all the answers. But till then sex brings up some good questions. Sent by Vic

Sex on the TV can't hurt you unless you fall off.

Sent by Natalie

Anticipation is 98% of the pleasure

Sent by judester013

The amount of members of the opposite sex you pursue is inversely

proportional to pretty much everything about you, such as intelligence. Sent by Albert Yao

If you are interested in someone, a close friend will grab their attention. This is especially likely if they:

A.) Don't want the attention of said person and/or

B.) Are already dating someone else

Sent by Jamie

The ABC rule:

If A is attracted to B, and you are attracted to C, A has a better chance with B than you do with C.

B and C are often the same person.

Sent by Randall Wald

The uglier the girl the closer she lives.

If any things will happen on the first date, you won't have a condom. The last two laws were sent by Doug

The size of the pencil is not as important as the quality of the writing. Corollaries: The quality of the writing is affected by the quality of the paper.

Regardless of how well one writes, it is difficult to write at all unless there is lead in the pencil.

Sent by Scott.

Marriage is the greatest leveler.

Sent by Prashant Talnikar

Girls are like toilet rooms. Either it is taken, or full of sh*t. If you're having difficulties choosing between potential two girls, you'll always pick the wrong one.

If it seems perfect today, tomorrow it will end.

If a girl tell you "let's stay friends", she won't call ever again. If you call, she won't answer.

You'll always catch fever before the first date.

The last four laws were sent by The Sorokman

Never make love in your back garden. Love is blind, but not your neighbors. Sent by The big boss.

Or in another version:

Don't make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain't. Sent by Shannon

Love is blind. Marriage is an eye opener

Sent by Frepp

When it comes to love and lost, doing the right thing always hurts. Sent byNicole Pedroza

Being honest with someone will always turn that person into an enemy. When you're girlfriend says that you have to talk the relationship is over. The day you decide to tell you're girlfriend you could not live without her she will leave you the next day.

You're best friend stop being you're best friend the instant a beautiful woman walks in and you both are attracted to her.

The more you want a women the least she will want you.

The last five laws were sent by Eric Guilbault

When she says: "Don't buy me anything expensive" and you listen, expect to be single.

Sent by Steve

Even the most beautiful woman in the world has at least one guy who is tired of her.

Sent by Bill

If you marry a beautiful girl she'll turn into her mother.

If you marry a plain girl she'll turns into her dad.

Sent by Jim T

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. But they never said anything about their daughter.

Sent by Edgar

The mother of the man, or the father of the woman you love will invariably hate you.

The best men (or women) are always taken--or crazy.

When you take your time getting ready your date will arrive 20 min. early; when you're on time they're 30 min. late.

As soon as you break up the man (or woman) who couldn't commit TO YOU will get married.

The last four laws were sent by Acacia Anderson

A good women/men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken. Procrastination is a lot like masturbation, it feels good until you realize your just fucking yourself

Last two laws were sent by Ryan Shuck

Women are like boats: they require constant maintenance and attention, and they cost a lot of money.

Men are like buses: another one will eventually come along.

Sent by Neil

Never forget: Don't fuck with Mrs. Murphy!

Sent by Dave Holloway

Kracke/Malenka Law:

Good from far, far from good.

Walter/Kerwin Law:

Any good looking person you see that isn't alone, will be accompanied by a person of the opposite sex who doesn't deserve to be with them. The last two laws were sent by Warneke

The length of a relationship is directly related to how much you are attracted to your significant other best friend.

No woman\men is better than two

The last two laws were sent by Bangi

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question - YES is the answer. Sent by Ross Henderson

Romanceis when common sense flies out of the window.

Being told your the nicest guy they know is the kiss of death. Sent by Ryan Shuck

Everybody is most horny when alone.

Sent by Timothy Boilard

Beauty is directly proportional to the number of drinks consumed.

Corollary: Beauty is also directly related to the time remaining until last call.

The other side lawyers are always better then yours.

The last two laws were sent by Murphy

the partner you want don't want you. The ones that want you are not made for you.

Sent by Argiris

Any "Why" question, has no answer, and if it does, that answer is not logical.

Sent by Alexandra

Love will cause people to do stupid things.

Loving someone to much may be cause for a restraining order.

If you love a person let them go. If they don't come back they weren't worth it.

Sex ends all interest.

Cute now equal annoying later.

The last five laws were sent by Nicolina DiRuscio

Not everything takes longer than you expect.

Sent by Suresh

It's only kinky the first time you do it.

Sent by Brian Clinton

Halmos law:

To get your significant other you need: Time. Money and Energy. The sum of the three is constant.

If you are short of one of them, you need quite a lot of the remaining two.

If you are short of two of them, you need tremendous amount of the remaining one.

If you are short of all the three, no hope.

Otherwise the result is always success.

Sent by Tony Halmos. Age: 67

The love of your life will only want you back once you are in another serious relationship.

Sent by Ana M.

You don't pay for sex, you pay him/her to leave after you're done. Sent by Ryan Shuck

Beaches law:

If you think a girl is beautiful, her boyfriend will always be there to confirm it.

Seduction law:

Your seduction potential is inversely proportional to your willingness to seduce

The last two laws were sent by Sylvain Galibert

The most intelligent statements will be thought of at the most

inappropriate times. (i.e. during a make out session, strike up a law of Quantum physics, thus demonstrating that you are not interested in the other person).

Sent by David Poole

You never truly know a significant other until you meet him/her in a court of law.

No matter how beautiful/wonderful s/he may seem to be, there's always someone out there that's sick and tired of his/her s**t too. The last two laws were sent by Bob.

The boyfriend of the girl you like is a ...

Sent by C

If (s)he wants to dump you, (s)he will find a reason.

or

If (s)he wants to dump you, (s)he will.

Sent by Anjana G. Ranasooriya

(wo)man = time + money

time = money

(wo)man = money2

Money = √evil (money is root of evil)

man = evil

Sent by AFsoldier

I know the math here doesn't hold. but it's funny, so I'll leave it here. Marriage is like a dog with a bone, he might not touch it, just doesn't let another dogs come near it.

Sent by Airbornemonty

Everything that glitters, is not WET.

Sent by Ashish Chandra

When you finally bed the attractive blond/e, s/he'll nick your wallet and watch.

Unless you owe him/her fifty quid.

Sent by Ed Smith

Marriage is the ending of a perfectly good sex life

Sent by askingduncan

Albert Einstein Gravity Law

Gravity cannot be held responsible for 2 people falling in love. Sent by John A. Oxford

The difference between love and the common cold is that for the common cold there is a vaccine.

Sent by Takura Razemba

The Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson law for celebrity couple

Persona-polarization:

The most beautiful women in the world, always marry the most ugly men. The Carmen Electra/ Dennis Rodman corollary

The most beautiful men in the world ALSO marry the most ugly AND most crazy men in the world.

Sent by Bob Schreib Jr.

If you love her/him, s/he doesn't love you

If you are in love, he/she isn't

If you want love, you don't get it

If a beautiful wo/man loves you, it's fake

If you are happy together, wait till you are married

The last five laws were sent by Stefan Farkas

It's always the quiet ones that have the two dozen corpses in their basements.

Sent by Bo Zhang

love can be your best friend and/or your worst enemy

Sent by Jennifer W.

Wedding cake cures nymphomania.

Sent by Juggy

Everyone believe in love, but wonder if it exists

Sent by Sushil Choudhari

You may get off on a cheap hooker but you can't get off on a cheap lawyer Sent by Ryan Shuck

The one thing that will almost certainly come between two friends is a girl

Sent by Aditya

The sexier a man is, the better the chances that he is gay

Sent by M.

Being told that someone doesn't want to date you because you're such a good friend, is like being told that you didn't get the job because you're overqualified

Sent by Vin Burgh

When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow Sent by Joe Fox

the girl/boyfriend who says s/he is... isn't

Sent by Micah Tolbert

You don't fall in love, you fall in a hole. The depth of the hole is proportionate to how oblivious you are of the fall.

Sent by R. Jones

The best way to get over a woman.....is to get over another

Sent by Huzaifa Ayaz

You always need a more patient partner no matter how patient s/he is Sent by Aman J Singh

Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.

Sent by Cy Hilterman

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Sent by ???

The person you want the most will end up with the person you hate the most. If you get it, it will be taken away.

The last two laws were sent by Peter V. Garalde

The perfection of a person is proportional to how much you love him/her. The imperfection of a person is proportional to how much you hate him/her. The last two laws were sent by Safwan Aumari

Rebillot's Law of Infertility:

You never know that you're infertile until you try to fertilize.

In any married couple, both members think that they will be the first one to die, which means that at least 50% of the people will be wrong. The last two laws were sent by John Rebillot

You'll think of a great line to say to someone the moment after your chance is gone.

140若一件好事好到幾乎不可能是真的，那麼真的就不可能輪到你。

139這輩子不再見你，因爲再見的不是你。

138消極的人說：山裡人都不穿鞋子，所以沒市場。積極的人說：山裡人都沒鞋子穿，應該是個大市場。

137政治家與政客的區別：是從事政治活動的人分別給自己與對手用的名詞。

136小國對人民貧窮的解釋：人口太少；大國對人民貧窮的解釋：人口太多。

135最有效果的激勵：犯一個錯你就玩兒完。

134玩撲克時，贏得大聲說笑話，輸得高聲喊“發牌！”。

133你自己覺得哪張照片還不錯，可是所有的朋友都對你說：不像你。

132別人花錢的食物吃起來味道總是好些。

131留意送給別人的禮物；當他們死後，很可能會遺贈給你。

130在很冷的氣溫中脫下右手的手套，總是會發現鑰匙在左邊口袋裡。

129若任何聲明可以被扭曲報導，能使社會及經濟不安的，它將會被扭曲。

128若發現你比你的律師更精明，那就是找錯了律師。

127若自認你的工作表現完美無缺，並不證明你工作優秀，祇不過是你的標準不夠高。 126如果你走得夠慢、夠久，你將再度領先。（別人已領先一圈，又繞到你後面了） 125他不比你聰明——但他比較能令人信服。

124無論你事情做得多麽好，總是會有人不高興。

123你今天還在批評的人，或許明天將會是你的上級。

122犯錯是人性，將錯誤怪罪對方乃是政治。

121生產力定律——工作應該更精明，而不是更辛勤。

120若覺得自己不夠稱職，可能確實是如此。

119人是活在主觀意識中的動物 。

118“好自為之！”可能是你給別人最糟糕的建議。

117若你想找尋不成熟的的感覺，打電話給媽媽。

116千萬不要詢問你不想知道答案的問題。

115若想討好你的上司，就把別人所做成的事歸功於他。

114冷戰時期，蘇聯人和美國人一樣可以站在自己首都大街痛罵美國總統，所以都是言論非常自由的國家。

113沒錢的人說：我省下一趟坐計程車的錢，就可以多搭幾次公汽。

有錢的人說：我省下幾次擠公汽的錢，就可以享受一次計程車的舒服。

112不要在打電話時跟別人說話，否則電話接通時，就忘了要找的是誰或是忘了要說什麼。 111提供你考?#93;——暫時由你負全責。

110凡是掉了東西進馬桶，東西的價值與掉進馬桶的機率成正比。

109一個深奧的真理反面，通常是另一個深奧的真理。

108偉大的發現都是不小心發現的。

107千萬不要讓自己成為不可取代的，因為不可取代就不可能升遷。

106若你在取捨之間無法決定——放棄吧！

105解決問題不能用製造問題的思維想方式。

104什麽是「藥」？——就是利用白老鼠的反應而產生醫學報告的產品。

103準確，就是把所有錯誤都糾正後的總和。

102錯誤沒有正確的做法。

101必須永遠假設你的假設無效。

100讓事情越簡單越好，笨蛋！

099若一個方法笨而有效，那它就不笨。

098對於別人好的忠告，唯一方式就是轉送他人。這玩意兒對自己從來就沒有什麽用處。 097永遠不要召來敵火，那會得罪你身邊所有的人。

096若有懷疑，你最好先射光彈匣再說。

095我們可能應該原諒敵人，不過先幹掉他們再說不遲。

094相同的錯誤犯第二次時，你什麼都沒學會（第一次犯錯你已學會了一次教訓）。 093電腦是不會錯的，只是軟件老出問題。

092當你擁有後，反而會減少它的價值感，並且是立即體現。

091要不動腦去想，什麼都有道理。

090國家越小，辦理簽證手續越複雜。

089若是經過充分周密計畫的任何事，結果將不會發生。

088問題愈複雜，限期卻愈短。

087首先給人一分好印象，勝過在後面十分努力的表現。

086有你喜歡的花色，偏]適合你的尺寸；有你喜歡的花色，也有了適合你的尺寸，試穿卻又不合身；有你喜歡的花色，試穿也合身，價格買不起；花色、尺寸、價錢統統都滿意了，結果第一次穿出去就繃線。

085若想理解一分鐘有多長？這要看你是蹲在廁所裡面，還是在廁所外面等。

084你早到，會議卻被取消。你準時到，卻還要等。遲到，你就是遲到。

083找東西，往往是找到不是正想找的東西。

082排隊時另一排總是移動的比較快，當你跑到另一排時，原來排的那一隊就會開始移動的比較快。你排的越久，越有可能是排錯了隊。

081事故發生的地點越遠，傷亡的人數就必須越多，否則不是一個好故事。

080若幫過一個急需錢的朋友，他一定會記住你——尤其在他下次急需錢的時候。 079笑一笑，明天未必比今天好。

078好的開始，未必有好的結果。壞的開始，結果往往會更壞。

077有能力的——請他。沒能力的——教他。不會做事——管理他。

076你愛的人，你覺得愛上他（她）是因為；他（她）讓你想起老情人。

075千萬別跟傻蛋爭吵，旁人會搞不清楚，到底誰是傻蛋!

074請讓我勤儉和有毅力，但不是現在。

073誰見過胖子領導過革命？

072推銷時最有說服力的語言“注意這個！”。

071辯論時間的長短與問題的重要程度成反比。

070在過去的時間裡，你買了數不清多少的筆，但在電話旁邊永遠少一枝。

069若事情進行的異常順利，你可能已誤入歧途。

068如果一個設想成功了，第一個邀功的人就是由始至終強調它行不通的人。

067若你等遲到的人等得不耐煩，去洗手間方便一下，那傢伙沒準就到了。

066我們永遠也到不了上帝許諾的聖地，若真能到達，那裏就不再是聖地了。

065在真的成為更高級別人員之前，最好不要嘗試幻想你已是高級人員。

064在 公司生存的第一條法則——讓你上級的上級不要騎在你上級的頭上。

063匆忙的原因是誤時，相反，誤時的原因是匆忙。

062只要有人出錢，就會有人出力。

061在任何機構裡，如果你希望有所作爲的話，祇有兩類人可以接觸——最高層的人員及最低層的人們。

060最簡單的解釋——它實在沒有道理。

059一個政客在當選前能解決一切的問題。

058大家都打算做事，大家也都做了，可是沒有一個人做的是他當初打算做的事。 057不要去反對被替換。如果你不能替換，你就不能升遷。

056今天唯一賺錢的人，就是那些銷售與電腦有關的人。

055最好的人與最壞的人創造歷史，平庸之輩延續歷史。

054若你清楚知道自己正在做甚麼，也許你就會討厭了。

053永遠不要作預測，因為如果你錯了，沒有人會忘記；如果你對了，沒有人會記得。

052使用剪刀前，先多量兩次，因為你只有剪一次的機會。

051現代婚姻可維持的時間，與親家的距離遠近成正比。

050蠢材都會繪畫，但要聰明人才能賣掉。

049放在口袋的錢最容易被花光。

048當事情完結之後，自然一切都好辦。

047並不是因為你會作某種事，就表示你能靠其生活。

046確認的希望產生否定的結果；否定的希望也產生否定的結果

045除非你真的希望上帝出現，否則絕對不要祈求上帝，因為這樣會打擾祂。

044創作的確偉大，但抄書快的多。

043無論什麼計劃，若只是建議是不會完成的。（建議是別人的，事情不會成功的）

042第二次被驢踢到時，你學不到任何的東西，但證明了你是一個笨蛋！（因爲第一次被驢踢到時，你已嘗到了一次教訓）

041問題越複雜，限期會越短。

040若想受歡迎，就積極幫別人的壞習慣找個好理由。

039蠢人和他的錢財到處都受歡迎的。

038自我提高是沒有方向性的。

037千萬不要問一個你本來就不想知道答案的問題。

036無論是多麽簡單的名字，都難在電話裡說清楚。

035若某件事已進行得差不多完成時，就有人會過來改變它——弄得一塌糊塗。 034若你聼說原則上同意時，這表示實際上沒有實際行動的意思。

033若在社交場合有疑問時，熱烈握手。

032若大家的想法都差不多時，顯示沒有一個人是在認真地思考。

031若想成名，照著記者的話去做。

030年老的優點——任何時候遇到的女性都比你年輕。

029有錢未必快樂！但沒錢一定不快樂！

028電腦從來不發生故障，是軟件設計者總是有問題。

027充分設計、規劃的事，都不會發生。（發生的都是未經周密規劃的事）

026省一分錢等於賺了一分錢。

025就第一印象來說，你絕不可能有第二次機會。

024需要別人翻譯的菜譜，小心你是買不了單的。

023面對不用負責任的事較容易作出決定。

022寧願缺席不要遲到。

021再多的零還是零。

020千萬不要試教豬唱歌；既浪費你的時間，豬又不高興。

019無論你是否作了一個決定，那就是你的一個決定。

018人們寧願被一個不能解決的問題困擾，而不願接受一個不能瞭解的答案。

017失敗的人有兩種：一種是不聽任何人的話；另一種是任何人的話都聽。

016科技被兩種人控制：一種是瞭解科技但不管理者，另一種是管理科技但不瞭解者。 015成功的定義：站起來的次數要比被打倒多一次。

014錢不是萬能的，比如：它不是充分足夠時。

013千萬不要說你不知道——莫測高深地點點頭，悄悄地離開，飛快地跑去請教專家。 012若必須在無知與愚蠢之間作選擇，應該選擇無知！它還有希望治好。

011忍耐是個優點，但絕等不到公雞生蛋。

010若可以拖到後天的事兒，可不要只拖到明天。

009若你在兩者之間無法作決定時，選便宜的準沒錯兒。

008若你能找到所有人都同意的事，這事一定是錯的。

007若你想讓人生氣，就騙他；若你想要他憤怒，就說真話。

006若你只實驗一次就把事兒給做對了，顯然你某個地方是做錯了。

005若一個人對你說“不是錢的問題，而是原則的問題”，我敢打賭六比一是錢的問題。 004在實驗室裡幾個月相當於在圖書館裡的幾小時。

003 大學裏累積了許多知識：每個新生入學時都帶一點進來，到畢業時沒帶走什麼，大學裡的知識就這樣累積起來了。

002 若無法說服對方，就把對方搞糊塗。

001 若有可能出錯，就一定會出錯。