All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.
—— Anonymous
He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
—— Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.
—— Anonymous
Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
—— Anonymous
Marriage is a three ring circus： engagement ring， wedding ring， and suffering.
—— Anonymous
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo??
—— Anonymous
Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting.
—— Anonymous
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it， it's not so hot.
—— Anonymous
Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over， you still have the strings.
—— Anonymous
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
—— Anonymous
It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
—— Jane Austen
Marriage is low down， but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
—— Baskins
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
—— Ambrose Bierce
MARRIAGE， n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master， a mistress and two slaves， making in all， two.
—— Ambrose Bierce， The Devil's Dictionary， 1911
In the blithe days of honeymoon，
With Kate's allurements smitten，
I lov'd her late， I lov'd her soon，
And call'd her dearest kitten.
But now my kitten's grown a cat，
And cross like other wives.
O！ By my soul my honest Mat，
I fear she has nine lives.
—— James Boswell， Life of Johnson
Insurance is like marriage. You pay， pay， pay， and you never get anything back.
—— Al Bundy， character on “Married with Children，” U.S. television show
Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin！
—— Al Bundy， character on “Married with Children，” U.S. television show
I hate work. That's why I got married.
—— Peg Bundy， character on “Married with Children，” U.S. television show
In matrimony， to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
—— Samuel Butler
If variety is the spice of life， marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
—— Johnny Carson
If you are afraid of loneliness， don't marry.
—— Chekhov
Marriage is an adventure， like going to war.
—— G. K. Chesterton
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
—— S. T. Coleridge
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in， you take it out， you lose interest.
—— Irwin Corey
I've sometimes thought of marrying， and then I've thought again.
—— Noel Coward
Marriage is a matter of give and take， but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.
—— Cass Daley
I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.
—— Bette Davis
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage， and half shut afterwards.
—— Benjamin Franklin
Where there is marriage without love， there will be love without marriage.
—— Benjamin Franklin
Love is the dawn of marriage， and marriage is the sunset of love.
—— French saying
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that， he is finished.
—— Zsa Zsa Gabor
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce， I keep the house.
—— Zsa Zsa Gabor
Love is an ideal thing， marriage a real thing； a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
—— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
—— Samuel Goldwyn， immigrant-turned-famous-movie-producer， when told his son was getting married
Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.
—— James Graham
I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
—— Lewis Grizzard
Marriage is a great institution， but who wants to live in an institution？
—— Marx Groucho， the film “Animal Crackers”
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one， go ahead， get married.
—— Katharine Hepburn
Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.
—— Oliver Herford
Wedding is destiny， and hanging likewise.
—— John Heywood
It is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand； but， by the beauty of our law， what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off！
—— Douglas Jerold， 1858
Marriage has many pains， but celibacy has no pleasures.
—— Samuel Johnson
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
—— Sam Kinison
Marriage is a lottery， but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.
—— F. M. Knowles
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
—— Stephen Leacock
I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying， and for this reason， I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.
—— Abraham Lincoln， in a letter to Mrs. O.H. Browning， April 1， 1838
I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married， they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
—— Dick Martin
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
—— Groucho Marx
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows， marriage does.
—— Groucho Marx
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
—— Jackie Mason
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
—— James Holt McGavran
Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke， it becomes us to be grateful.
—— Phyllis McGinley
Marriage is like a cage； one sees the birds outside desperate to get in， and those inside desperate to get out.
—— Michel de Montaigne
To keep your marriage brimming， with love in the wedding cup， whenever you're wrong， admit it； whenever you're right， shut up.
—— Ogden Nash
No woman marries for money； they are all clever enough， before marrying a millionaire， to fall in love with him first.
—— Cesare Pavese
It doesn't much signify whom one marries， for one is sure to find out next morning it was someone else.
—— Rogers
I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
—— Will Rogers
Before marriage， a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said； after marriage， he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
—— Helen Roland
In olden times， sacrifices were made at the altar， a practice which is still very much
practiced.
—— Helen Rowland
When a girl marries， she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
—— Helen Rowland
When you see what some girls marry， you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
—— Helen Rowland
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
—— Rita Rudner
To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties.
—— Arthur Schopenhauer
Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper.
—— Scottish Proverb
It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
—— George Bernard Shaw
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
—— George Bernard Shaw
Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married.
—— George Bernard Shaw
One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten： “Give little， give seldom， and above all， give grudgingly.” Otherwise， what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
—— Ruth Smythers， Marriage advice for women， 1894
Marriage： A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.
—— Herbert Spencer
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
—— Gloria Steinem
Love is blind —— marriage is the eye-opener.
—— Pauline Thomason
Marriage isn't a word?? it's a sentence.
—— King Vidor， in the 1928 film， The Crawl
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life， except for good taste in men！
—— Wedding Toast
Marriage is a great institution， but I'm not ready for an institution.
—— Mae West
Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage， which is never advisable.
—— Oscar Wilde
Marriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree.
—— Oscar Wilde
Men marry because they are tired， women because they are curious； both are disappointed.
—— Oscar Wilde
Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.
—— Madame de Rieux