This picture draw two young man ,who are lack of their one leg, throw their curtches behind and help the stride walk forward mutually.They consist of a person together,walk the place where they want to .The picture said :"a your leg ,a my leg,help each other together and travel every place.
In fact ,this picture tell us the importance of cooperation.We are a small part of the society,when we completes a project ,the strength by owner is just a little,but if all of the company staff cooperate ,we wlll can botain the best success. As a volleyball term is make up of several
member,only if they play in concert can they win this competition.Cooperation is always put in the first place,beacuse without it ,even if all member are wonderful players,they can't win this coperathion,too.
In couclusion ,cooperation is very important in the competition society.No matter where we work,we must have the cooperation spirit,our work can do well.（前面两个句子之间没有连接词可以加上then）Everybody all have the cooperation spirit,our country can be more prosperous.
点评：文章存在大量语法错误，影响得分，希望你以后多加注意，尤其是像单复数、单词的拼写这种错误切忌再犯，否则很容易给阅卷老师留下英语水平差的印象。
从内容来看，文章总分总的布局比较合理，首段对漫画内容的描述也比较到位，如果能够避免语法错误的话，首段基本没有什么问题。
第二段你先点出主题，后举了公司和排球队的例子加以证明，条例很清晰，但缺陷在于你两个例子之间的链接不是很紧密，给人一种堆砌的感觉，而且在举完实例之后没有任何深入阐述，道理阐述段略显单薄。
第三段你总结得较好，对合作精神的重要性进行了进一步的阐述。
总的来说，这作为你练习的第一篇作文，在文章段落的安排上还是比较合理，但以后要多多注意句式的多样性，如果可以的话，每段中使用一两个长句，可以给阅卷老师留下良好印象。但切记不要再犯语法错误，否则还不如写简单句。
希望你经过一段时间的练习后写作能力能够有所进步！
Dear teacher,
Thank for the teacher who works in the Accommodation Officer reading my letter.But I have a question for a long time.So i need you help.
I will be a senior from the depentment of Art.Next term is important to me. I live a room in college which I share with another student,but i find it very difficult to study there.Beacuse my rommate always has friends visiting.
Nowadays ,I must study English and read the book which help me improve my specialized knowledge,in order to the graduate student test.But I am always disturbed.When i
study,somebody, who lived near my room or her friends ,come to our dormitory ,laugh or talk loudly,they don't make me study carefully.I tell them again and again,they still do this. I woud have a new room next term.I would prefer a single room,thank you !
I look forward to your reply.
your student , xx
点评：对书信作文的结构把握得还可以，只是句法上错误较多，要多看看作文书中的句子是怎么构成的。表目的性的分句一般爱放到前面说，一个逗号不能连接两个独立的分句。一些固定用法掌握得也不是太好。在写作上要加强，大作文评语：
文章存在大量语法错误，影响得分，希望你以后多加注意，尤其是像单复数、单词的拼写这种错误切忌再犯，否则很容易给阅卷老师留下英语水平差的印象。
从内容来看，文章总分总的布局比较合理，首段对漫画内容的描述也比较到位，如果能够避免语法错误的话，首段基本没有什么问题。
第二段你先点出主题，后举了公司和排球队的例子加以证明，条例很清晰，但缺陷在于你两个例子之间的链接不是很紧密，给人一种堆砌的感觉，而且在举完实例之后没有任何深入阐述，道理阐述段略显单薄。
第三段你总结得较好，对合作精神的重要性进行了进一步的阐述。
总的来说，这作为你练习的第一篇作文，在文章段落的安排上还是比较合理，但以后要多多注意句式的多样性，如果可以的话，每段中使用一两个长句，可以给阅卷老师留下良好印象。但切记不要再犯语法错误，否则还不如写简单句。
希望你经过一段时间的练习后写作能力能够有所进步！
小作文评语：
对书信作文的结构把握得还可以，只是句法上错误较多，要多看看作文书中的句子是怎么构成的。表目的性的分句一般爱放到前面说，一个逗号不能连接两个独立的分句。一些固定用法掌握得也不是太好。在写作上要加强，继续努力，希望你越写越好。
继续努力，希望你越写越好。
第二篇：初中英语作文批改范例
初中英语作文批改范例
书面表达：
以“My opinion on??”为题，写一篇英语短文。
要求：（1）能写出自己的真实见解；（2）层次清晰，意思连贯；
（3）书写工整，卷面整洁； （4）字数70—80词左右。 学生作文范文：
My opinion on television
庙仙初中九（2）班：张鹏
Television has come into our life for many years. We can’t live happily without television.
①It can give us the latest information and news. It can open up our eyes and ’ll be boring all day if there is no television. Television programs are attractive. After a whole day’s hard work we can sit before the television and drink a cup of tea. How wonderful it is! It is true that watching TV can influence our behavior. However, it depends on what we do. 教师点评：
①Well done! How well you made the sentence!
②So smart! You tell me your real thought about television .
③It’s very clever of you to end your work with this beautiful sentence that you have learned!
Good! It’s excellent you haven't made any mistakes this time! I’m so glad to see your work has improved! But it’s much better to be creative. You’d better use some short sentences to instead of the long ones . Do you think so? I hope you can work harder and make more progress. Cheer up!
指导教师：姚荣军
工作单位：庙仙初中