20xx年9月15日 广告 儿童广告 利弊类 一方观点 Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

There is a heated debate about the effect of advertisements to kids. individuals consider that ads have negative impacts on children and should be stopped.

At present, a large number of advertisers are targeting their works at children. Many individuals find it advisable to abolish this kind of advertising for it has harmful effects on children. Personally, I totally agree with this idea.

Indeed, advertising is beneficial to people to certain extent. parents can know what they want to buy from advertising, such as toys, milk, and something that kids use. parents would buy some things for their children . In addition, the people who invest in ads can receive huge interests from their products. There are many parents buying the products related to ads because their kids' hope to own it.

However, my stance is based on the followings that the ads aiming at children could jeopardize children should be banned. Firstly, some people who invest in ads intend to earn money from the unawareness of kids. They will use the extreme way to attract them. Using the 'ads words ' which are exaggerated will mislead children to buy . Besides, ads are not good for children's mental and physical health. For instance, this

practice arouses a sense of buying stuffs unlimitedly. last but not least, uncontrolled buying goods from ads would increase the finance pressure on parents who have not enough money to buy expensive ads things.

To conclude, ads are harmful to children’s growing. Although they can make buying stuffs simpler, the effects of ads will make more and more kids out of the control of their desire. The advertisements just serve as tools that businessman want to get profits with.

第二篇：最新雅思作文批改范例

Some people believe that charity organizations should give the aid to 援助those who are in great needs, while the others think that charity organizations should concentrate on helping people who live in their own country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Charity organization has never lost its unique power to confuse people and transport them to troubles(?). It is argued that whether the charity organizations should support to people who are in great needs or (to) those who live in their own countries. Personally I believe that charity organizations focus (focusing)on helping their own countries’ people should be considered as the option of last, instead of the first resort.

Evidences show that charity organizations to aid people who are in great needs can bring a host of benefits to individuals as well as the whole international society. The charity help(helping) those who need great help can alleviate the increasing social gap between rich and poor, countries’ strong and weak (? ,)which will probably reduce the rate of crimes and build a harmonious world. A case in point is that since the outbreak of the Iraq war the international Red Cross federation is aiming to help nearly one million of the most socially vulnerable people inside (in)Iraq. Specifically, it supports Iraq food, water and medical facilities to help the vulnerable people rebuild their hometown. As far as I am concerned, worldwide charity organizations, which can help people all over the world, will (help to) construct a harmonious wold and reduce the war.

However, charities just concentrate (concentrating )on aiding people who live in their own countries seems not work effectively. The radical reason for which(which 改为that, 或是去掉for which) is that it has a limitation on supporting vulnerable people from other countries who suffer from the disasters, which will lead to a complex and dangerous social environment other than in their own country. This will eventually build an inhumane image in the world. A case in point is that in 20## （after）the Japanese earthquake, Chinese charity organizations sent rescue teams and basic facilities to Japan to save people’s lives. If China did not do like(去掉）this, Chinese reputation would certainly destroyed and our country would be condemned by the international society. In this case, this way should be considered as the option of last.(?) A nation should help other nations regardless of its strength.(结尾的总结是否应该回归到慈善组织呢？）

Therefore, I believe that charity organizations should （give)aid to people no matter where they come from, which(since they) are regarded as (the) better solutions to reduce wars and help vulnerable people rebuild their homeland when they went through disasters. According to these ways( Thus), a harmonious international society will be set up. Besides, it will make a progress in ( make great contributions to ) the whole world’s sustainable development.

By and large, we can expect that at least the problem about what kinds of people charities should aid can be largely solved by supporting people from all over the world who faces the desperate situation. The more effort put in and the wider (engagements) the whole society involvement( involved in), the more substantial results likely to be. The increase of aiding people who are in great needs and the consequent improvement in people’s happiness is surely a worthwhile objective.

总评：首先字数太多，看起来累赘，会导致扣分。开头非常重要，但第一句话让人很困惑。观点明确，比较有条理逻辑，内容很充实，注意现在分词一般式的用法，文章出现了3次错误。不要刻意取用复合句，难杂句，简单句容易掌握，也表达的比较清晰。然后注意连接词的运用，有些运用不很恰当。开头最好精致不重复，流畅，结尾概括简洁。

小作文：

The line graph and table graph compare the worldwide water use and water consumption in two different, countries Brazil and Congo in 2000.

According to the line graph, during the twentieth century, global water use（used) by different sectors shows an increasing trend. To be more specific, agriculture accounted for a large proportion of global water use, which increased dramatically from 550Km^3 in 1900 to 3000km^3 in 2000. In contrast, industrial use and domestic use accounted for a small proportion of worldwide water use. From 1950 to 2000, industrial use increased steadily at (to)1000km^3 while domestic use also increased slowly at(to) 300km^3, both below the level of agriculture consumption.

According to the table graph, it showed the difference in water consumption between Brazil and Congo in 2000. Specifically, Brazilian amount of irrigated land was 26500km^3 and water consumption per person was 359m^3. In contrast, Congo had only 100km^3 irrigated land, that is, the water consumption per person was just 8km^3（最好加一点从中推断出的结论，例如：the figures for Brazil indicate how high agricultural water consumption can be in some countries ）

To sum up, the figures of irrigated land and water use per person indicated that agricultural consumption made up a larger proportion of worldwide water use.

总评：基本信息都能描述出来，词汇丰富，衔接较好，主要的差异比较、特征描述很好很具体，内容条理，除去一些小错误，要注意在分析推断时最好点出一点隐含的结论观点。