第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登 20xx年01月19日14:12腾讯高考我要评论(3)
题目：
Directions:
Read the following paragraph and write a composition as stated at about 300 words in 60 minutes. Your composition will be graded according to clarity, accuracy and meaningfulness.
In accordance with CRI news, the spirit of Chinese volunteers, from responding to the May 12 earthquake to the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, not only touched the Chinese people, but also generated worldwide attention. Official statistics show that china has accumulated about 8 billion hours of volunteer work from 380 million volunteers since 1993 and is going to have more and more volunteers, especially the youth. How do you understand volunteer work? In what way(s) is it important to promote the well-being of individuals, families, communities and the world at large? Your writing ought to contain three parts, your viewpoint, the supporting ideas, and the conclusion.
Come and join us in volunteer work right now!
陈茜
江苏省哈尔滨市第三中学高三18班
Dear grandfather:
How are you?
I am writing to invite you to join us, in the next year, to be a voluntear in the great event, which is to hold in Shanghai. We, a generation born in the 90s in our city, have made a team to do the volunteer work. And you are welcomed by all our team members awing to your great amount of knowledge about Chinese traditions and culture. Please don't tell me you are too old to do this job. I believe you are sure to accept my invitation after reading my following explannation of the importance of the volunteer work.
Nowadays, volunteer work, which has raised public interest and concern, is becomming more and more popular throughout the world. As is
known to all, volunteer work is not only meaningful but also necessary. One my personal wete, what's more, it's interesting and pleasant! It help us develop oursel .
Firstly, for individuals, especially those young, to do volunteer work is an awailuabe wany to goin social experience. By doing volunteer work, they can meet vorrious people and they may run across all kinds of troubles. They however, can become mature and determined by solving these problems. You know, no pains, no gains. Also, individuals will realize that they do make a difference in someone else's life, even the whole event, the world! Their confidence can be rovised and confidence is what it takes to do any job well.
For families, if you're the side that received the help of the volunteers, of couse your issue will be more easily dealt with. If you're the side who give others your hand, you will realize there exists no better way to educate your children that “a virtwre deserues amother” because you'll get the best present - smile deeply from one's heart, in the whole world.
It is a great chance for all members getting closer to each other in communities by taking part in volunteer work. Their team spirits, their co-operation will be great improued. So, why not?
The most importantly, for the whole world, for the entire human race, volunteer work will make earth a better place to live in, it is through volunteer work that we know there are so many people are willing to help others although they can't get money from it. It is through volunteer work that we know we are all brothers and sisters, that we are all families.
My dear grandfather, canre on! Join us and help introduce owr great Chinese culture to the world. 21 centuring is on open cewtury. You can trust yourself and please trust us, too! We'll help you and we need you help! Let's make the world a better place by being a volunteer! It's a small step for us but it is a leurge one for the whole world!
Love you.
Your granddaught.
专家建议：
句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位，建议多练练关联词的用法。词汇不够丰富，句型变化不多，建议多看些范文，多练一些经典句型。
专家点评：
文章立意很好，整体结构清晰，语言大体流畅，还能够引经据典，显示出有一定的英语(论坛)文化底蕴。
To be a volunteer ，Bring a ray of sunshine
陈天悦
山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班
Dear Tom:
It is a great pleasure for me to have the wondeful chance to put pen to paper and send my greetings to you. You said that you wanted to be a volunteer and didn't know whether you should or not. I want to help you analyse it.
In my opinion. I think it is not noly a good chance to help others but also a good opportunity to make selp-improvement. You'd better participate in the volunteer work. If we compane youth to flouers, as is often the case, then the young volunteers are the most beautiful flowers. By joining in the vounteer work, you will leam how to help others and how to love others. What's more you can also find it out that there are many people suffering from disaster and then you will value your comfortable life. Although you may feel very tired as a volunteer and it may cost you much time to help others, I still insist that you should be a volunteer because the advantages bright about by volunteer work overweigh the disadvantages.
It all the people refused to be volunteers, the people suffered from the may 12 earthquake could lose heart and most of them wouldn't have the chance to survive from that disaster. If none of the people wanted to be a volunteer, the Beijing olympic Games would be a failure. If every people didn't feel like being a volunteer, there would be no people cleaning the environment and protecting the beautiful scenery automatically. It was terrible! From all mentioned above, volunteers play a very important part in our daily life. To be a volunteer will gain glory for China. As is brow to all, Chinese children are always laughed at for lack of practice. So to be a volunteer is a good chance to canpensate for it.
From my point of view, it's high time that you became a volunteer and learned to help others. If everyone makes a contribution to helping others, the world will be much more beautiful!
At last, wish you all the best!
Yours sincerely.
Lily.
专家建议：
一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准，但结构显然不够简洁清晰，所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章，有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。
专家点评：
文章二三段的结构很混乱，建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性，并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写，而不是都堆在一段内，让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证，很混乱。另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富，比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用：help others就显得过于单一了~
The importance of volunteer work
崔静远
辽宁省鞍山市鞍山市第一中学高三18班
In my opinion, volunteer work is quite an important part of the modern society. The reasons are as follows.
In the modern time, thanks to the deselopment of economy and
technolodge, material enjoyment 13 earned both in higher quality and larger quantiy. At a price of this, individunls are taking the risk of losing their own values and even sparing no effert to make their fartane even at the price of the interest of the society. So the volunteer work has been playing an important part as a spiritual comfort not only to the receivers but also to the volunteers, promoting the well-being of the love-givers, making ertra value for others and keeping a perfect balance of the whole society.
In families, volunteer work will help to emphasize the importance of morality, meet emotional needs and even become a vivid educational lesson. Parents, who are widely regarded as the first and most important teachers of their children, are teaching their children through the activities which must truely toach the deepest part of the young souls, instead of serious, traditional crivical words. Also, during the process, in which every member showstus true love, other members are able to recognize him from a difference point of view. This kind of awarness is promised to promote the communication of the family in the future. In the whole world, the volunteer work can be considered to be an appropriate part of the globalization, during which the world is becoming a Global village. And the natural and economic chisasters are driving people from different cultaral back grounds to stand together on the same side, emphasizing the interest of the whole world, which must not be deffended without any country's participation. And it is the volunteer work that can be granted the role of offering help in its hour of marimum need.
All in all, volunteer work is truely an inreplacable part of the society and it is our responsibility to give our hands to make the world a better place.
专家建议：
建议该生平时利用好学校里使用的中学英语教科书，因为教科书的权威性不容置疑，选材也适合中学生，是精读甚至背诵的最好选择。之所以推荐给作者教科书，是因为该考生在写作长句子时出现较多错误，说明该生的语法基础不够夯实，那么中学英语课本就恰好能弥补这个弱点。
专家点评：
文章结构清晰明了，简洁明了的开头和结尾紧扣主题，精干又有力，很方便读者对文章主旨的把握。中间部分的逻辑性强，思路也很清晰。唯一不足的是在一些长难句的表达上出现了一些错误，有些句子让人很难理解。在以后的写作中可以多关注长句子的练习。
Volunteer Life
代昱丞
辽宁省本溪市高级中学高二15班
As we know, “volunteer” is a kind of “work” that you offer to do it, and also, it is for free.
From schools to shops, from Olympics to world wars, volunteers are everywhere. And to Chinese people, last year is an impresive（impressive） year because of volunteers. In May 12 earthquake and the 2008 Beijing Olympic Gams, volunteers played a really important role. They touched every Chinese's heart, including me.
I don't usually have chances to do volunteer's work, but I have some creative ideas about it. In my opinion, helping others is a kind of volunteer and it is important to our lives. We can't become a volunteer in poor rural area, but we can help classmates sowe（solve） a math problem; we can't join the Olympics, but we can take part in a sports meeting in school and develope the spirit of “higher, faster, stronger” in other ways; we can't go to Wenchuan, but we can send our “gifts” there. In fact, we are volunteering everyday and everywhere, but we ignore it sometimes.
Volunteer is not a simple matter about yourself, it also has great influence to your life, your family, even the world. If there are not volunteers any more, everyone is selfish and vain, the world will be a lonely place. Volunteer can bring people warm and kind feelings and help improve your personality. When you are volunteering, you'll find the beauty of the world and life and you really feel and touch some hard experience, it is able to lead you to treat your family, your life, your fridends(friends) more previously. My dad once told me a story: at the time of Beijing Olympic Games one year's flashback, some volunteers said that time was really a hard but valuable memory. Sometimes, they had to stand, it was not permitted to argue with tourists; sometimes, they even wanted to cry, but smiles had to be on theirs faces all the time. Volunteer was not an easy job, but they said that they didn't regret at all —— they responded to China, they won reputation for our nation!
So, volunteer is worth joining and valuing, though it is hard, you have gained the best award —— a kind heart.
Start your volunteer life now!
专家建议：
在不跑题前提下，内容虽然重要，但关键是语言的包装，建议多看些优秀范文，和英文原著，增加语感，这样文章会更传神。
专家点评：
文章思路清晰，叙述条理清楚，但句子之间的衔接做得不够，要多用连接词。此外，应多掌握一些词语的同义词，这样避免重复。在句式变换方便也要多下些功夫。
Volunteer work: an unique lesson
刁文卿
辽宁省大连市大连市第十二中学高二9班
With the rapid development of techndogy（technology） and
communication in our society, the sense of competitiveness and cooperation filled our mind steadily. At the same time, the
owarness(awareness) of helping others in people's mind also became stronger and stronger. This situation led to the start of a new “job”—volunteer.
We just found from the passage that the increasing number of the vdunteer(volunteer) touched all the people home and abroad. And I argue the point that volunteer work plays an integral part in our daily life especially for the youth in China.
First and foremest(foremost), nowadays, parents can only have one child and he or she may be given the best care of the other members in the family. As a consequence, the only clild(child) may become selfish and self-centered unconciously(unconsciously).
The volunteer work, as a special lessons can help the youngster put the other people's feeling before theirs and ask for their opinion before taking actions. Second volunreer(volunteer) work is not only a training of do others a favour but a process of improving your cooperation ability as well.
Last but not least, volunteer work is an unique lesson that we cant（cannot） get in our school. Former leader Jiangzemin said: the main goal in education is making students more creative and helping them reach their full potential. And in my poirt(point) view, it is volunteer work which can help them reach their full potential but not our school lessons. This kind of pratical practise can make us know more about what is going on in our society and in the world, for instance, the May 12 earthquake in wenchuan and the wonderful 2008 Beijing Olympic Game and so on.
All the evidence discussed in the above awalysis the points to my conclusion that volunteer work is an unique lesson for our teenagers as it make us know more. do more and think more. And I believe that the accumulation of volunteer will rising rapily and it will lead our country to a brighter future.
专家建议：
写完作文后，自己通读一遍，这样会减少些不必要的拼写和语法错误，建议多学过的词组造句，这样表达会更丰富，也可以多看些优秀范文。
专家点评：
文章表达清楚，语言较好，但结构有些不清晰，第二点在文章中没有展开说。时态用的有些混乱。总体不错。
Volunteer work is necessary
郭昕硕
河北省衡水市衡水中学高三3班
There is no doubt that volunteer work in China has been brought into focus throughout the world. We presented so much last year, which indeed gave the world a big surprise. Our spirits, our merits, everything we showed during the grand gathering and the disaster proved that volunteer work is necessary.
As far as I am concerned. The work of helping others without payment can be of great benefit for individuals. Apart from the experience, the progress we make during the process is enough. Time permitting, we can take more responsibility outside the school and gain the pleasure.
Everyone builds our society. With the economical development, we are no longer worry about our essential needs in our life. Therefore, tospare more time and to give others a helping hand can just be the right choice. Only by this means can we get to know each other better and make contributions to our society.
Moreover, it is certain that there are still so many developing countries all over the world. From Ethiopia to DPRK, too many people are in badly demand of help. Our gerosity and warth means a lot. Furthermore,
organization of all kinds about volunteer work will surely accelerate the process.
Taking the above-mentioned factors into consideration. Raising our owareness and be helpful can definitely be so necessary. The connection between us must be permanent with our efforts of volunteer work. Therefore volunteer work is not only a political world, but a lively work related to you and me. So it stands to reason that volunteer work is necessary.
专家建议：
建议作者多阅读整篇的英语文章，增强自己的“篇章感“，因为在该篇文章中存在的问题主要是段落见缺乏紧密联系，所以造成各段之间的孤立感的形成，建议作者以后写作时注意段落间的合理过渡。
专家点评：
整体结构很好，尤其第一段开门见山的明确了文章的主题，给读者非常好的第一印象。唯一不足的是第三段与上文的衔接很生硬，并且没有段落主题句，会影响文章整体的逻辑感。另外，有个别句子出现表意不明的现象，单词拼写也存在问题，所以希望以后写作时注意细节。
Anyone, anytime
韩心悦
吉林省长春市长春市十一高中高二23班
As we all know, plants cannot exist without sunshine; fish cannot live without water; and our society cannot be everlasting without volunteers. In the modern society, volunteer work is not something which requires money and knowledge anymore. It's about all of us Anyone, anytime.
Volunteer is a kind of spirit, it can bring love to everyone,
everything. I remember I once went to Dichuan Province during my summer holidays, and I volunteered to help the giant pandas. One day, our 200 recepted a group of children who came from poverty-striken areas. They all seemed quite excited after they saw the lovely pandas. A little boy, however, frowned, ran towards me and whispened, “I want to help. Look at their home, it's not tidy enough. I want to clean it for them.” I was totally shocked, A boy who was in great need of helping himself actually wanted to help animals Words bursted out, “But honey, you are still too young!” He shrinked his eyes, and grinned, “Anyone, anytime.”
Dince then, “Anyone, anytime.” has become my motto. Whenever I saw rubbish on the ground, I would pick it up; whenever I saw people try to step on the grass, I would persuade them. Because I know, I'm part of the harmonious society. Harmonious society, everyone contains.
Right, harmonious society needs our volunteers. Volunteer work can make us realiz the nesponsibilites on oun shoulder, it can make us much more mature. Do, if we all have a kind of volunteen spirit, the well-being of invividuals, families, communitles and the world can all be promoted. Take a good look at those volunteers Ouring the 2008 Beijing Olympic Garnes, and those figures running beside the ruins of Wenchuan Earthquake. Volunteers' spirit not only touched the Chinese people, but also generated worldwide attention. In a nutshell, volunteer work is of great significance.
Do, let's staw up together, hand in hand, join the orchestra of harmony, stant from the “Volunteen epilogne”, creat a new beautiful world. And the name of this orchestra will be: “Anyone, anytime.”
专家建议：
很显然，该考生在文章的结构设置以及语言积累方面都有待提高，建议该考生平时进一步拓宽阅读面，在阅读同时有意识地积累语言的表达法，并且注意模仿优秀英语文章是如何组织结构的。
专家点评：
文章通过小故事托出主题的方式很新颖，文章整体也有一定逻辑关系。但应该把重点放在后面对volunteer的段落中，并适当减少第二段的字数，以起到抛砖引玉的作用而非头重脚轻。另外，文章出现多处搭配问题，建议平时注重基础的积累。
Volunteer Work, Harmoniass Would
韩叶
江苏省张家港市张家港外国语学校高三3班
Have you ever guided a passenger losing his or her way? Have you ever donate your pocket monkey to strangers suffering disasters? Have you ever kept a homeless ouimal? If your ouswer is ‘Yes’, then congratulations you have done volunteer work.
To my mind you do need to exactly join a certain organization form is not important. Volunteer work means the work we want to do to help others out of our hearts withostconsidering whether it is renording. To sum up, sympathy, sacrifice passion and warm hearts make up volunteer work. And volunteer work really makes the world better.
Firstly, as far as individuals are concerned, volunteer work makes them take responsibilities for the society. Nowadays, most families have only one child. And the late 90s are considered to be a settish useless generation. However, one of my friends says that volunteen work made me mature. He was one of the volunteers of Beijing Olympic Ganes. He gained patience, stung will and an open mind through all the tough work. And now he understands that: ‘One should hever gain without payling.’
Secondly, to the society it is also signifigant. With volunteer work, people facing difficulties are helped, poor people are financidly asisted, so that the frinction will be reduced and the interpersonal relationships will be improved. How a harmonious society will it be! There is a couple living in Beijing. They began the in volunteer work when they were only college students. They went to a medical center to take care of and play with children there once a week. Neither wind nor snow stopped them. However, one sunday in 2007 they didn't appear. And the reason ness that, the girl got cancer! The bay kept on going to the center on Sunday while taking cane of his girlfriend and working for medical expenses. The doctors ses and the childnes were touched deeply. Their story was
published and the douation came soon. At the same time, more people went to help children there. In this way, their spirit transferred. Their volursteer work was paid back to them selves, which was hever inagined by them. Their sympathy waked up others'.
Laste I firmly believe that a nation full of helpful respousible people is surely a strong one a world full of spirit of symporthy and devotion is surely a beautiful one. I call on all people to do volunteer work, whatever it is, whatever the form it is in, just do it and we can harvest a harmonious world together!
专家建议：
有一定英语语感，但不是很强，中式英语有时还会出现，建议多读些英文原著，或看一些优秀范文，抓住里面的经典句型，自己多多练习。
专家点评：
文章以及疑问句开头，步步引出主题，很吸引人。文章结构清晰，语言表达比较准确，但句式变化不多，有些句子结构不紧凑。
On Volunteer
黄昕彤
辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班
The definition of the word volunteer in Lougnan（Longman） Dictionary is someone who helps others sponstaneously（spontaneously） and willingly. That's true! Life is a style of enjoying yourself, not only by entertaing and enriding yourself, but also by the process of helping others.
Undoubtfully, those volunteers reveal their great love and passion for their country. Love is the eternal theme of the world, Without hove(love), it's like birds without wings, failing to show its talents of flying, It's like spring without flowers, burying is charming fragrants in the deep soil. Their volunty work unites China, shouing the world how united Chinese people are shocking the world of its cooperation.
People around the country are making their efforts to helping others, which leaves the world an impression that China is a veal country, and all the people here are like brothers and sisters, who cares a lot for others. You can never imagine how touched I was when I watched the TV program called “Moving China”. 13 peasants from tangshang volunteered to help those victims of Sichuang on hearing the tremendous earthquake happened there, leaving all their farm work done in the field they sacrifiled anything and helped others at any cost, for they knew the glant pains the earthquake brings to people. They can never forget how much pains they havendertaken in the earthquake and how much help they have received from the world. They compared their own feelings to the victims and passed the splrit on. In this sense, people will pass the spirit from generation to queneration, from China to all over the world. Then, how sweet will the World be!
I have a dream that one day, I will be a member of the volunteer team. I have a dream that oneday, I'll make contributions to China however slightest it may be. I have a dream that one day I'll be a founder of a world Charity, helping people all over the world. I'm firmly convinced that it will not only be a drean for me, but also a drean for people all over China, all over the world, and for the great Global Village.
专家建议：
整篇文章条理清晰，结构完整，总体感觉很好。但有个别语法错误，固定搭配有些用得不够准确，建议多用课本学过的固定搭配或是词组造句。
专家点评：
文章语言流畅，运用了修辞手法，展现出一定的语言功底。此外，论据生动有力，让人信服。如果句子之间的多用些关联词就更好了。
Volunteer — A bridge to Friendship
金倩男
辽宁省本溪市本溪市高级中学高三15班
In recent years, “volunteer” become a more and more popular word among people all over the world, especially in China. Thanks to so many volunteers can we made so many events smoothly. In a nutshell, I think volunteer is a bridge to friendship between people to people and country to country.
Volunteers can be a bright light to those who are in the dark
difficulty. A case in point is the May 12 earthquake. The earthquake left thousands of homeless people, causihg a big problem to both the country and the victims themselves. It's them — the light brhger — volunteers, who came to the front line, so that the victims can see the bright future.
Volunteer actions are of tremendous benifits not only to the people in need, but also to the society. According to a latest survey, there are about 1,700,700 people took part in the volunteering jobs. But for their great devotion, we couldn't have held the 2008 Olympic Games successfully.
Volunteers believes that the happiest people in the world are those help to bring hapiness to others. People in other countries see the volunteer spirt in the organisational ability and the individual charmihg.
The world witness the spread spirit of Chinese volunteers. Only in the way that all the nations unit together, offering help to each other can we do wonders and creat a harmonous society. And what's more, we should encourage more youths join such good things.
In the end, we can come to an conclusion that volunteer work is a bridge to friendship, which does benifits to both the individuals and the nation. So, let's join it today, OK?
专家建议：
建议作者写作文要尽量做到言之有物。写作文是为了表达观点，不能被“语言”绑架；运用较多的词汇与搭配却在逻辑方面很混乱，没有设计好要交代的内容。希望作者平时进一步扩充英语阅读量，多读权威英语报刊，有意识地观察好的英语文章是如何兼顾内容充沛，语言到位，逻辑清晰的。
专家点评：
文章的主题既然是“志愿者活动——友谊之桥”，就要围绕志愿者与友谊来写，可文章二至五段都没有紧扣住主题。而且段与段之间没有衔接，给人感觉是没有构思好，想到哪写到哪。建议以后写作前先列好提纲，注重文章宏观的把握。
Volunteers: an indispensable role in society
宋思思
江苏省南京市南京外国语学校高三3班
Have you ever taken part into volunteer work? Have you ever been touched by the altruistic spirit of volunteers? Have you ever found your friends much maturer after a voluntary job? It you have experienced any of the sitnations I mentioned before, you will undoubtedly agree that in this highly-developed world, volunteer work, free of any reward, does play an indispensable role which enjoys a unique significance. Through different kinds of voluntary jobs burgeon a rounded individual a harmonious family and a developed country. Numerous examples hereby listed do stand for my point of the importance of volunteers.
The point of pinnacle importance for my view focuses on the
enhancement of a single person, especially the youth. According to a survey conducted by UNESCO the United Nations, Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization, among parents and children around the world, about 95.5% of the parents admits that they find their children care more about the society after long time of volunteer work. The result also indicates the fact that 98% of, the children gets along better with their friends and coorperate with them more easily. Researchers believe that it is the volunteer work that not only develops children’s' social responsibily but also teaches them how to work in a team, which is coined as team-working spirit. In this case, nobody could deny the positive influence the voluntary jobs put on individuals.
What is more, a voluntary job can sometimes even bring harmony and happiness to families. Generally speaking, working as volunteers gives rise to common topics among family members and makes people understand
more about each other. Take myself as an example. Before, hardly could I communicate with my parents for I definitely believed big age gap made us lack of common interests. After being volunteers in an elderly home together, however we enjoy more common topics such as how to make the elderly happiness or which kind of meals is best for the elderly. To be further, Rither my parents and I realize there is a lot to learn from each other and a hanmonious family is consequently achieved. Thanks to the voluntary jobs, had we not joined in the same volunteer work, we would have never had such a satisfactory relationship.
Bertrand Russell, a highly respected and well-known philosopher in 19th century, once pointed out ‘To a country, none of the rules is worth a voluntary action’, which dramatically matches what 1 am getting on. Rather than any rule or poliey that forces citizens to follow, a voluntary deed, largely from individuals' willing, exerts more optimistic influence on the development of a country. On one hand when people work as a volunteers, they do what they like to do while they show their social responsibility to the whole society. On the other hand, any of the significant changes involve in all citizens. Needless to say, all
citizens' involvement as volunteers to some extend, enjoys a higher status than laws from a small part of people in the country.
In light of the examples ranging from individuals, families to a whole country, we could definitely summarize that as more and more people involve into the volunteer jobs, unimaginable accomplishment achieved and a higher quality of individuals comes out. Not only does a person himself, but also a family and a country do benefit from volunteers!
专家点评：本文作者用词准确，句型高级，结构层次分明，难能可贵的是举例充分且恰当，虽然有一些小的瑕疵，但不失为一篇优秀的文章，值得我们好好研究和学习。
专家建议：受文化，历史背景和环境的影响，我国学生在写英语时喜欢拐弯抹角，喜欢长句子，喜欢重复，喜欢大话，空话。总是写无意义的理论，而很少举例说明，多强调数量而忽视质量，我们必须要杜绝这一现象，中国学生在写作中最缺乏的一件事情就是不会举例说明，所以平时我们要多看名人传记，多注意和留心身边发生的有哲学思想的事情，善于总结，日积月累，厚积薄发。
The volunteer work，the great work
刘晓菲
山东省胶南市第一中学高三19班
Dear little cousin.
I'm glad to receive a letter from you. You mentioned that you wanted to being a volunteer, eagerly, who is always energetic, glamouvous and able to have close connections with something really “big”. But do you at all understand the whole meaning of being a volunteer? Have you ever thought about volunteer work's greatness to the world around?
Volunteer work is more than “good-looking”, as you mentioned. It means commitment, enthusiasim from the bottom of heart and responsibility. Never have you seen a volunteer complain much, right? Those volunteers, especially who participated the vesuce work of the May 12 earthquake, donated all their time and energy to the great volunteer work, some of which might be dangerous and tiresome. Even some senior high, just the same age as me, volunteered to “fight the battle”, which made me ashame of myself, for I could have done the same but I didn't.
Meanuhile, volunteer work, because of its greatness, is important to promote the well-being of individuals, families, communitives and world at large. In this busy, modern society, people rush for almost everything. But few people'd stop and think about how life should go on. Too busy are we that we lose the sense of connection with families, communities, the world and even our true selves. Volunteer work gives us a chance to be real human being. Loosened from day-to-day routine, we are more likely to act like a cell of this beautiful world. Thus, all things, like families, communities, world and indiciduals will be konded together to work for “the Greater Good”.
My little cousin, I do hope my words will make you twely understant volunteer work, for it is such great work, full of commitment, value and responsibility.
Yours.
Care-for-you Cousin
专家建议：
提高写作的方式除了平时大量的阅读，更多的依赖于练习，如果平时不怎么练笔，在正式写的时候最容易出现具有中国特色的表达，感觉像是用中文翻译过来的。所以建议考生每周坚持写一些自己比较感兴趣的东西，提高写作能力。
专家点评：
这篇文章总体来说条理很清楚，可以看得出来，这位学生在短语句型方面积累了不少，但是需要注意的是口语表达和书面书还是有一定差别的，有些口语的句子在书面语当中并不多用，甚有时是禁用的。