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世界真奇妙，标语也搞笑
Traffic slogans：
两则交通宣传标语：
Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough—or else they never will be ……
如果你的孩子不够大就别让他开车，否则他就可能再也长不大了……
If you want to stay married, divorce speed.
想和爱人分手，就和超速分手。
A US Marine Corps slogan for Anti-Terrorism:
一条最经典的反恐标语：
It’s God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorists. It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting .
宽恕恐怖分子是上帝的责任，安排他们和上帝见面则是我们的责任。
A French training school in Germany:
德国一法语培训学校招生广告：
If you don’t like the course , you can tell us to give your money back .But remember to tell us in French.
如果你听了一节课之后不喜欢这门课程，你可以要求退回学费，但必须用法语说。
A warning on the fence of a forbidden area:
一处禁地围墙上的警示：
No trespassing! Violators will be shot; survivors will be shot again . 严禁擅闯！违者将被射杀；幸存者将被再次射杀。
Notice at the wildlife park:
动物园里鳄鱼池旁的游客须知：
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them. 向鳄鱼丢东西的人将被要求把东西取回。
第二篇：英语搞笑话剧
英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》 Wanders every five miles
人物：焦仲卿Johnny (Jf or short) 刘兰芝 Lunch(Lf or short) 焦母Johnny’s mother(JM fors hort)刘母Lunch’s mother(LM for short) 太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short)强盗Burglars(AB and C)
Prologue
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J: Everybody says that I’m henpecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then, I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me. All this I do not care. I only want her to be tender than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
My God! Who can help me?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here! What’s up mum?
JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”. L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so lazy……
L: But……
JM: Never interrupt me!
L: Never interrupt me! Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny, I have been working hard all
day long, cooking and washing. I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……
JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son. I’m leaving!
(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L: Mum, I’m back!
LM: You are back? Why? What happened?
L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! I have already told you! When you insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny, I
told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. Look at yourself……
L: But, mum……
LM: Never interrupt me!
L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me
to.
LM(大喜):Nice girl! Just now, I met the mayor’s son in the market. He said:“If your daughter Haven’t been married, I really
really want to marry her!” Now you are free again, I’ll go and tell him.(下)
L(惊愕):What? The mayor’s son? The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)
What as silly thing I have done!(下)
Act3
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er! How smelly! They are still dirty!
(突然想起)Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh, I’m so hungry! But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now
she has gone. I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM(上):Where’s my breakfast? Where’s Lunch? Hasn’t she got up yet?
J: Mum, can’t you remember? Lunch has gone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well, to tell you the truth Johnny, as on without a wife is useless. Lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back! J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!
Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!
The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B: And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C: If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C: Give us all your money!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A: What bad luck! This guy is broken!
B: If we can not rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss LiuLanzhi next month. WE can go and rob the wedding! A&B: Good idea!
J(惊讶):What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impossible!
AB&C: Why? A pretty girl and a richman, what a good couple!
J: But Lunch is my wife! We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? I’ll go
with you. You take the money and I take the bride.
B: Have you got any experience?
J: No. But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)
Act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!
A: The road is built by me!
B: And I planted one tree.
C: If you want to goby this street---
J: Give us all your money!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey, how are you?
L(哭状):I hurt a lot!
J: Don’t cry baby. I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下) (音乐起 Can You Celebrate)