Every year several languages die out. Some peoplethink that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewerlanguages in the world.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with thisopinion?
Languages arecomplicated and charming, representing the unique culture of some regionand country[c1] . Every year see[c2] several languages dying out, yet we can not [c3] define that a bad thing.
Let’s [c4] begin with thinking [c5] the meaning of a language. Language [c6] should provide people with the function ofdaily use. When a certain language dies out, we are sure that people who usedto use it must have found an alternative useful language. It is wise to abandona useless tool. As long as they can finish communication task[c7] successfully, it does not matter even ifit directly leads to a language dying out. People have no reason to protect anendangered language merely for the diversity’s sake. [c8] Namely, if some [c9]
language is useful, it will never fadeaway.Therefore, thedying out process is part of the nature’s choices.
There are so manyadvantages of fewer languages. First is valid understanding between countries.It is a peace start to share some
language, from which people in both countrieswill communicate more effectively so confusion will vanish. Besides, increasingtravel and
business cooperation will take place. As they [c10] sharethe language and different culture, more people will be willing to travelthere. Both sides’ companies can communicate more easily, more resources willbe shared. Fewer languages will help benefit economy in way of commerce andtourism industry.
By way of conclusion, I want to reaffirm myposition. Although we hate to see some languages dying out, we should cheer forthe advantages it brought to the world.
注释：
[c1]Some regions and countries，前面languages 用了复数后面要记得统一。
[c2]Sees
[c3]cannot
[c4]注意文章是议论文不是演讲稿，用let’s 这不合适
[c5]thinking about
[c6]A language. 你上句话刚写了 the meaning of a language, 后面要记得对应。
[c7]Tasks
[c8]这句话差连接词和前面一句接起来
[c9]a，泛指的时候 建议用a, some 容易引起歧义
[c10]They 指的是谁？
评分详情：
Total：(5.5+5.5+6+6.5)/4=6
Task response 5.5 分
1. present a clearposition
第一段已经明确提出立场
2. main ideas maybe unclear
由于衔接上的问题，第二段的论证有些混乱。
第三段第二个点不太明白你的意思是什么。你的点是increasing travel and business
cooperationwill take place. 更多的人会出去旅游，同时商业合作也会增长？如果是的话，这个点里面是两个分点还是一个点？另外这句Both sides’ companies can
communicate moreeasily, more resources will be shared. 交流的多，更多的资源就会被分享，你说的是什么样的资源？能举个例子吗？
Coherence and cohesion 5.5 分
1. present ideaswith some organization but may be lack of overall progression
2. under-use ofcohesive devices.
这两个问题在第二段里面特别明显。
首先是内容上有跳跃，其次是句子之间没有衔接好。我帮你修改了一下，注意看我是怎么在不大量使用连词的情况下衔接句子的。
Languages shouldprovide people with the function of daily use, namelybeing usable as a communication tool (这个地方解释清楚前面说的thefunction of daily use 是什么). When a certain language dies out, usersof this language do not appreciate the dying language asit does not make communicating with others easy anymore（这个地方是承接前面一句话的a language as a communication tool, 衔接的一个方法之一就是要用到上一句话里面的一个关键词）. So it is wise to abandon the useless language (同理，用上一句话里面关键词language). With the new language（再次顺延上句话的最后一个词） adopted by these people, as long as it servesas a good communication tool（照应上文的thefunction of daily use, 即沟通工具）, it does not matter even if the newlanguage kills the old one. In other words （换个角度来阐述上一句话）, people have no reason to protect an endangeredlanguage merely for the language diversity’s sake.
到这里我觉得可以打住了，不用在一遍又一遍的解释同一个点，再多说就比较啰嗦了。
3. may not alwaysuse referencing clearly
As they share thelanguage and different culture, more people will be willing to travel there.
they 、there 分别指的是什么？无法和上文的内容衔接起来
Lexical resources 6 分
我感觉你的词汇量够写这样一个话题。但是参考前两项评分，你很多地方没有想清楚，所以写出来的点有些模棱两可。基于这个情况下无法判断是否你是因为思路影响单词的发挥还是因为单词的问题影响到你思路的展开。
Grammar 6.5 分
简单句居多主要为主谓宾基本结构的。注意简单句不等于短句子。
有若干条件状语从句 when/as long as/if 引导的
若干复合句
第二篇：雅思作文评分标准
为大家介绍一位牛人网友在复习IELTS剑桥系列时总结的雅思考试作文评分标准,总结的依据来自该系列中考官的评语，比较科学实用，供广大烤鸭们参考。
雅思考试作文评分标准Grades Standard:
1. The main argument are relevant and the writer's point of view need be clear.
2. The writer's point of view needs many ideas that deal with the actual issues and to be consistent.
3. The prompt could not be copied directly in the response and the words can not less than 250 (at look).
4. There are various range of language in the sentence.
5. The sentence cannot be only simple in all.
6. A range of structure need depend on good control of punctuation and grammar.
ps: Examiner is interested in visual example. if there are some appropriate examples to support your view, your marks will not be low.
雅思考试作文评分标准第一点总是观点问题，一般得4分的都是观点不清晰;第二点提到理由，理由必须要支持观点，理由写的混乱的话，分数肯定不高;第三点是字数问题，一般考官不会数的，差不多就ok了(这是我猜的)但是如果你有多次抄袭题目的原话的话，那他就会不厌其烦的数了，而且抄袭的部分不算，只算剩下的。这三点是大家必须做到的，否则5分都拿不到。
雅思考试作文评分标准第四是语言的组织，也就是连接词用的要恰当，看上去是个小问题，但是这点非常重要，要体现出逻辑表达次序，如果乱用，考官的逻辑思维也会混乱，导致看不懂或不理解你要说什么，不能正常往下阅读，这会让考官非常难受，你想想你让他难受，他会让你好受吗?但是他又不知道你在哪里，就算知道你在哪里也不能把k你一顿阿，就算能k你一顿，也不一定打得过你啊，要知道考官大多都是老头老太，但是这口气一定要出的呀，最后倒霉的还是你的分数(晕，撤远了)
雅思考试作文评分标准第五点句子不能全是简单句，当然简单句看上去容易，也比较容易理解，也不会错，但是在那些老奶奶老爷爷眼里就像是他们在上幼儿园的小孙子小孙女写出来的东西，只是些幼儿园水平的东西(在这里顺便讲件事，大家知道ielts的题目在美国和英联邦国家中是什么等级吗?ielts分听说读写4部分，其中阅读和写作是他们12年级的水平，口语的CueCard部分是他们幼儿园的游戏，他们没有听力，这些时我侄子告诉我的，他在美国，今年刚刚12年级，这次他回来，我给他做了剑桥的题目，他告诉我这些是他们现在这水平做的东西)可想而知，幼儿园水平的东西，分数也只能在幼儿园的水平。
雅思考试作文评分标准第六点就是句子的结构了，这点需要注意的是语法和标点，在我们看来标点并不重要，但是剑桥范文的评语中都有punctuation这词，而且和grammar并列，说明这和语法一样重要，而且也是评分的一个标准，不过，这些都是最后出现的，也就是说相对上面5条来说不怎么重要，在我国英语学习和考试中都是语法为重点，而恰恰人家并不看重它，这让我国许多语法很好的同学，有些英雄无用武之地吧!不过学好语法也不是件坏事。我说不重要只是和上面5条比哦，也别太轻敌哦，毕竟也是评分标准之一，特别在时态的应用上要注意，如果乱用时态让考官进入时间隧道出不来的话，那你就再准备1450把他解救出来吧!