英语笑话:fish say-鱼说

fish say

What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall? "dam!!!"

鱼说

当鱼游进一个水泥墙里面的时候，鱼会说什么?

"水坝!!!"

NOTE

cement wall n. 水泥墙

第二篇：教你说英语笑话

【 第一章 幽默小火花?】第一章 幽默小火花第一章 幽默小火花 Money is not everything. There‘s Mastercard & Visa. 钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡. One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃. Love the neighbor. But don‘t get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居,不过不要让她的老公知道. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后都有一个女人，每个不成功男人的背后都有两个女人? Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚,幸福不是永久的嘛. The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的,结婚的人很难再聪明起来. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口, 今天就要找好. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养. Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外, 后排座位上的意外会生出小孩. "Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. "现在的梦想决定着你的将来",所以还是再睡一会吧. There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天,而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来. "Hard work never kills anybody." But why take the risk? " 努力工作不会导致死亡!"不过我不会用自己去证明. "Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! " 工作好有意思耶!"尤其是看着别人工作. God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 神决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。 When two‘s company, three‘s the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是! A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动，但并不妨碍你尽情地观看. The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn. 学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多；忘记的越多, 忘记的越多；知道的越少, 为什么学来着?! 【 第二章 爱情中的幽默?】第二章 爱情中的幽默第二章 爱情中的幽默 She was his secretary before they got married. Now she's his treasurer. 在他们结婚之前她是他的秘书，现在她是他的"出纳"。 My wife and I have an agreement that we never go to sleep angry with each other. We've b

een awake now for nearly 6 months. 。 我和我妻子达成了一个协议：绝不在和对方生气的情况下去睡觉。结果我们已经6个月没睡觉了 My wife always lets me have the last word. It's usually, 'Yes.' 我妻子总是让我最后拿主意。我总是说：是。 A husband is a man with lots of small mouths to feed and one big one to listen to. 所谓丈夫就是要喂许多张小嘴吃饭还要听一张大嘴说话的男人。 He's a bachelor by choice. Sometimes his own, but mostly the choice of the women he's dated. 他之所以单身事出有因。有时那是他自己选择，而绝大多数时候则是那些他所约会的女人的选择。 Whenever I meet a man who would make a good husband, he already is. 每当我遇到一个我觉得会是个好丈夫的男人时，他都已经是了。 The only person who's asked her to get married is her mother. 唯一想叫她结婚的人就是她母亲。 I think- therefore I'm single. 我思考--所以我单身 A wallflower is a man whose phone doesn't ring- even when he's in the bath. 所谓局外人就是那些电话从不响的男人--即使当他们在洗澡的时候。 10 A bachelor is a man who never chases a woman he can't outrun. 单身汉就是那些决不追赶那些他们无法追上的女人的男人。 11 The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book. 婚前的日子相对于婚姻来说就像是一本冗长乏味的书的一段短小精悍的序言。 12 One should always be in love-that is one reason why one should never marry. 人们应该永远沉浸在爱之中--这就是人们应该永远不要结婚的理由之一。 13 Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it's a mistake to make a habit of it. 结婚是件好事，可我认为如果把它当作一种习惯就不好了。 14 It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. 如果每天都对着同一个人和蔼可亲会使人的神经崩溃的。 15 What did you do before you married? -Anything I wanted to! 你结婚之前都干什么了？--我喜欢干的所有事！ 16 The truth is, I regret the day I was married. -You're lucky. I was married for a whole month! 事实上，我对我结婚的那天真感到后悔。--你很幸运！我的婚礼持续了整整一个月。 17 Did your wife have anything to say when you got home late last night? -No, but it didn't stop her talking for hours. 昨晚你回家晚了时你妻子对你说什么了吗？--没，但这并不妨碍她连说几个小时一直没停嘴。 18 You know the honeymoon's over when the groom stops helping his wife with the dishes- and starts doing them himself! 你知道吗，新郎不帮妻子刷碗而开始自己刷碗的时候就意味着蜜月结束了。 下页上页首页末页 2/7到页>> 下章上章首章末章 2/6到章>> 19 There's only one thing that keeps me from being happily married- my wife. 唯一让我的婚姻得不到幸福的就是--我

妻子。 20 Marriage is just another union that defies management. 婚姻就是一个反抗管理的联盟。 恋爱中的人 1 Love is like war, easy to begin but hard to end. 爱就像一场战争，开战容易停火难。 2 Love opens your chest and opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. 爱扒开你的胸膛，掏出你的心脏，有人就乘机侵入你的心胸把你搞得一团糟。 3 Does God punish or reward us with love? 爱，是上帝用来惩罚我们的还是奖赏我们的呢？ 4 Love your neighbor, but don't get caught. 爱你的邻家女孩吧，但注意不要被逮着了。 5 I love a hand that meets my own with a grasp that causes some sensation. 我喜爱这样的一只手，它的力度让我有几分感觉的手。 6 The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. 珍爱一切的好办法是：意识到你可能会失去它。 7 Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away. 爱就像是握在手里的水银，把手指张开，它好好的呆在那里，要是你紧紧抓着，它反而溜走了。 8 If you judge people, you have no time to love them. 老是审视别人的话，你就腾不出时间去爱他们了。 下页上页首页末页 3/7到页>> 下章上章首章末章 2/6到章>> 9 A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. 极其微弱的一线希望就足以点燃爱的火花。 10 At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. 一谈到爱，每个人都变成了一位诗人。 11 Sometimes the perfect person for you is the one you least expect. 有时候，最适合你的人恰恰是你最没有想到的人。 12 How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. 我是多么幸运啊，拥有一样东西让我的"再见"迟迟说不出口。 13 The Eskimos have 52 words for snow because it is so special for them; there ought to be as many for love! 爱斯基摩人有52个分别表示"雪"的词语，因为雪在他们的生活中太重要了；我们也应该有这么多表达"爱"的词语啊！ 14 If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me. 如果世上真的不存在两方对等的爱，就让付出更多的一方是我吧。 15 When two eyes meet and hold strongly, they are bound to meet again. 当两眼相遇久久凝视，这两双眼睛注定将会再一次相遇。 16 I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. 我喜欢成家，拥有一个在自己的余生中特别想去得罪的人，这不是一件很美好的事情吗？ 17 Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. 爱不是把地球变圆，爱是让环球旅行有价值。 下页上页首页末页 4/7到页>> 下章上章首章末章 2/6到章>> 18 To love is to be vulnerable. 去爱一个人就是把自己变得特别

脆弱。 19 Love at first sight never happens before breakfast. 一见钟情的爱从来不会发生在饥肠辘辘的早餐以前。 20 To love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction. 相爱不是你看我我看你，而是一起朝着相同的方向望去。 21 I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. 注意了，我不是在吻她，我只是在她的嘴边呢喃。 22 My love is like an ocean; it goes down so deep. My love is like a rose; whose beauty you want to keep. 我的爱就像浩瀚的海洋，它深沉厚重；我的爱就像芬芳的玫瑰，你疼爱珍重。 23 All shall be well, and Jack shall have Jill. 一切都会好起来，她会向你走过来。 24 First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. 初恋只是一分傻冒再加九分好奇。 25 When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. 当你爱上一个人的时候，所有深藏在心的祝福都奔涌而出了。 26 Came but for friendship, and took away love. 你为友情而来，却把爱情带走。 27 For, you see, each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. 你看，每一天我都爱你多一些，今天比昨天多但比明天少。 28 Love doesn't sit there like a stone. It has to be made like bread; remade all the time..made new. 爱不是一块木头，一动不动的坐在那里；对待爱，要像做面包那样--反复揉搓，不断翻新。 下页上页首页末页 5/7到页>> 下章上章首章末章 2/6到章>> 29 A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. 男人是透过他的眼睛捕捉爱意的，女人是通过她的耳朵体验爱意的。 30 Life is a flower of which love is the honey. 人生是鲜花，爱情是蜂蜜。 恋爱中的女人说 Females say that..... men are hard to please 男人很难取悦!! the problems with guys: 男人的问题是： if u treat him nicely, he says u are in love with him; 如果你对他好，他说你爱上他了． if u don\'t, he says u are proud. 对他不好，他说你骄傲． if u dress nicely, he says u are trying to lure him; 如果你穿得很漂亮，他说你企图诱惑他． if u don\'t, he says u are from kampong. 如果不，他说你是乡下来的 if u argue with him, he says u are stubborn; 如果你跟他理论，他说你固执 if u keep quiet, he says u have no brains. 如果你沉默，他说你没大脑！ if u are smarter than him, he\'ll lose face; 如果你比他聪明，他说那是小聪明 if he\'s smarter than u, he is great. 如果他比你聪明，他就是有智慧！ if u don\'t love him, he tries to possess u; 如果你不爱他，他想拥有你 if u love him, he will try to leave u.(very true huh?) 如果你爱他，他试着离开你． if u don\'t make love with him., he says u don\'t love him; 如果你不跟他做爱，他说你不爱他 if u do!! he says u are cheap. 如果跟他做，他说你是贱货！ if u tell

him your problem, he says u are troublesome; 如果你告诉他你的问题，他说你麻烦 if u don\'t, he says that u don\'t trust him. 如果不，他说你不信任他 if u scold him, u are like a nanny to him; 如果你骂他，你好象他奶妈 if he scolds u, it is because he cares for u. 如果他骂你，是表示他\"关心\"你 if u break your promise, u cannot be trusted; 如果你不守承诺，你就是没有信用 if he breaks his,he is forced to do so. 如果他不守承诺，他是迫不得已的 if u smoke, u are bad girl; 如果你吸烟，你是坏女孩 if he smokes, he is gentleman. 如果他吸烟，他是绅士 if u do well in your exams, he says it\'s luck; 如果你考试成绩好，他说是运气 if he does well, it\'s brains. 如果他考得好，他说是实力！ if u hurt him, u are cruel; 如果你伤害了他，表示你很残忍 if he hurts u, u are too sensitive!! 如果他伤害了你，表示你太敏感而且太难取悦！ so hard to please!!!!! if u send this to guys, they will swear that it\'s not true....... 如果你寄这封信给男生，他们会发誓以上是不正确的．． but if u don\'t they say u are selfish..... 如果你不寄给他们，他们说你自私．． 恋爱中的男人说…… The nice women are ugly. 好女人不漂亮。 下页上页首页末页 6/7到页>> 下章上章首章末章 2/6到章>> The beautiful women are not nice. 漂亮女人不好。 The beautiful and nice women are general stupid. 又漂亮又好的女人一般都很愚蠢。 The beautiful, nice and clever women are married. 又漂亮又好又不愚蠢的女人都结婚了。 The women who are not so beautiful but are nice women are born in poverty. 不是很漂亮但是很好的女人都出身贫寒。 The women who are not so beautiful but are nice women born in noble think we are only after their lordliness. 不是很漂亮但是很好又出身高贵的女人会认为我们看上的是他们的权势。 The beautiful women without lordliness are after our lordliness. 而没有权势但是很漂亮的女人看上的是我们的权势。 The clever women, who are not so nice and somewhat beautiful don't think we are clever enough. 不是很好但是很漂亮又很聪明的女人却嫌我们不够聪明。 The women who think we are clever, that are nice, somewhat clever and have lordliness have a lot of pursuers. 又好又聪明又出身高贵又觉得我们聪明的女人都有很多追求者。 The women who are somewhat beautiful, somewhat nice and have some lordliness and thank God are clever are ALWAYS MAINTAIN MANY CANDIDATES!!!!! 又好又漂亮又出身高贵而且又聪明的女人总是脚踩几条船。 The women who always maintain many candidates, automatically complain us when we stand off them. 那些脚踩几条船的女人一旦我们疏远她们就对我们充满怨言抱怨。 NOW，WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS WOMEN? 现在，到底有谁了解女人这东西？

【 第三章 英语笑话?】第三章 英语笑话第三章 英语笑话 Level One 1. Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 2. The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。 "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。 3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 "乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。 "妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。 " 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。 Level Two 1．Roles And How We Play Them Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in my life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. "Guess what Mom," he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me, "I've been chosen to clap and cheer." 2. The Blind Date: After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. 下页上页首页末页 2/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a gri

m expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank God," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to." Note: Blind Date: 从未晤面的男女经第三者安排所作的约会 3. A Letter from Mom: Dear Son, I'm writing this slow, cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you first left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last family here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days this time. 下页上页首页末页 3/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. About,your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know if you are an Aunt or an Uncle. Not much more news this time, write soon. Love, Mom P. S. Was going to send you money, but the envelope was already sealed. 4. Mother Mouse: A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?" 5. The Rescue: A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. 下页上页首页末页 4/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> They were all shouting. "Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Mulla Nasrudin elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?" "I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man. "In that case," said Nasrudin, "take my hand!" The man immediately grasped the Mulla's hand and was hauled to safety. Nasrudin turned to the amazed by-standers and declared, "Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools!" 6. Department-store automatic answering machine: "If you are calling to order or send money, press 5." "If you are calling to register a complaint, press 64-59834822955392." "Have a good day." 7. Psychiatrist's Secretary: "In my office, I just can't win!" lamented the psychiatrist's secretary. "If I come to work early, I'm anxious. If I'm on time, I'm compulsive. If I'm late, I'm hostile..."

8. The Organization: The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up. 下页上页首页末页 5/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but ass holes. 9. Computer Humor: "I asked my dad where babies come from. He says you download them from the Internet." "Whenever something goes wrong, I just push this little Reset button and restart. I wish my whole life was like that!" 10. Pay Day: A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said. "I know," the owner said, "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained." The contractor said, "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention." 11. Pig: A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. 下页上页首页末页 6/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." Level Three Some Military Jokes A woman, married to a Navy Pilot, inquired about an increase in their monthly allotment for living quarters, because rents near the Station where he was based were so high. She received the following letter back: "Class Q allotments are based upon the number of dependents, up to a maximum of three. If the birth of a child will mean your husband is entitled to more quarters allowance, notify him to take the necessary action." For those of you never in the military, it seems all branches try to reduce any/all situations to writing. 下页上页首页末页 7/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> According to the US Navy, "Classified material shall be considered lost when it cannot be located." A group of US Navy officers, assigned as an advisory group in Taiwan, were searching for a name for their new officer's club. They finally settled on "TAI-WAN-ON". On patrol, the Officer of the Deck asked the starboard lookout what he would do if a man fell overboard. "I would shout 'Man overboard'." the sailor replied. The OD then asked what he would do if an officer fell overboard. The sailor paused and thought, then said, "Which

one Sir ?" A rather old minesweeper was cruising a lonely stretch of the South Pacific and was overtaken by a new Australian cruiser. All the US sailors admired the new ship and the Captain sent a blinker- light message to the Aussies: "You are beautiful." Less than 10 seconds later, the Aussie ship blinkered back: "I'll bet you say that to all the ships." Heavy Boots About 6-7 years ago, I was in a philosophy class at the University of Wisconsin, Madison (good science/engineering school) and the teaching assistant was explaining Descartes. 下页上页首页末页 8/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> He was trying to show how things don't always happen the way we think they will and explained that, while a pen always falls when you drop it on Earth, it would just float away if you let go of it on the Moon. My jaw dropped a little. I blurted "What?!" Looking around the room, I saw that only my friend Mark and one other student looked confused by the TA's statement. The other 17 people just looked at me like "What's your problem?" "But a pen would fall if you dropped it on the Moon, just more slowly." I protested. "No it wouldn't." the TA explained calmly, "because you're too far away from the Earth's gravity." Think. Think. Aha! "You saw the APOLLO astronauts walking around on the Moon, didn't you?" I countered, "why didn't they float away?" "Because they were wearing heavy boots." he responded, as if this made perfect sense (remember, this is a Philosophy TA who's had plenty of logic classes). By then I realized that we were each living in totally different worlds, and did not speak each others language, so I gave up. 下页上页首页末页 9/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> As we left the room, my friend Mark was raging. "My God! How can all those people be so stupid?" I tried to be understanding. "Mark, they knew this stuff at one time, but it's not part of their basic view of the world, so they've forgotten it. Most people could probably make the same mistake." To prove my point, we went back to our dorm room and began randomly selecting names from the campus phone book. We called about 30 people and asked each this question: 1. If you're standing on the Moon holding a pen, and you let go, will it a) float away, b) float where it is, or c) fall to the ground? About 47 percent got this question correct. Of the ones who got it wrong, we asked the obvious follow-up question: 2. You've seen films of the APOLLO astronauts walking around on the Moon, why didn't they fall off? About 20 percent of the people changed their answer to the first question when they heard this one! But the most amazing part was that about half of them confidently answered, "Because they were wearing heavy boots. 下页上页首页末页 10/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到

章>> " Car Keys When my husband and I arrived at the shop to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. Proceeding to the service department, we found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched, I instinctively tried the passenger's side door-handle and discovered it was open. "Look," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "Oh, I know," answered the young man, concentrating furiously. "I already got THAT side." The Screw? It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says."That's cool," says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it. 下页上页首页末页 11/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> "Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it. "Oh yeah," says Carries father, "our Carrie really loves to screw. She'd screw all night if we'd let her!" Well, this makes Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening is beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAMN IT, DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!" Hot Dogs Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." Her companion replies, "Odd, but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. 下页上页首页末页 12/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?" Camping Alert! In case anyone is considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists ar

e also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it. Fire! One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. 下页上页首页末页 13/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!" As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. 下页上页首页末页 14/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck!" Dancing Duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "Hmmm...." thought the duck's former owner. "Did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" Good News and Bad News A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. 下页上页首页末页 15/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news.&quot

; The man asks for the good news first: "The good news is that you have 24 hours to live," says the doctor. The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??" "I couldn't call you yesterday." Deathbed Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. "Jake," she said. "Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must confess." "There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right." "No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you." Jake stroked her hand. "Now Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it," he sobbed. "Why else would I poison you?" Medical Advice A young groom comes home to find his bride looking as if she had been in a fight. 下页上页首页末页 16/17到页>> 下章上章首章末章 3/6到章>> “What happened?’ he inquired. “Your mother started a fight with me” she cried. “Tell me more” he insisted. “Well I called the Doctor, he said to come tomorrow and bring a sample. I didn't want to appear ignorant, but I didn't know what a sample was, so I asked your mother. She said “ Go piss in a bottle.” Well, this sure wasn’t polite, so I told her to go shit in a hat … and that’s when it started. 【 第四章 英文脑筋急转弯?】第四章 英文脑筋急转弯第四章 英文脑筋急转弯 Level One 1. What will you break once you say it? （什么东西一说出来就打破？） 2. Will liars be honest after they die? （骗子死了之后会诚实吗？） 3. What always goes up and never goes down? （什么东西只升不降？） 4. Why did the boy make his dog sit in the sun? （男孩为什么让他的狗坐在阳光下？） 5. Why can a bride hide nothing? （为什么新娘子什么也藏不住？） 6. Why is the library the highest building? （为什么图书馆是最高的建筑物？） 7. What is the smallest bridge in the world? （世界上最小的桥梁是什么？） 8. What is the difference between the North Pole and the South Pole? （北极与南极的区别是什么？） 9. What makes naughty boys long to work in a clock factory? 淘气的男孩为什么想去钟表厂工作？） 10. What bird lifts heavy things? （什么鸟能举起重物？） 11.A ship can contain only fifty persons. Now there is already forty-nine persons in it. At this time,a pregnant woman comes on and boards the ship. The ship sinks.Why?(有一艘船只能容纳50人,现在已有49人。这时一位孕妇上了船,船就沉了。为什么? 12. Why is the comet like Micky Mouse? (为什么是慧星像米老老鼠?) 13. Who is closer to you, your mom or your dad? (谁跟你

比较亲密,你的妈妈或你的爸爸? ) 14. What's the poorest bank in the world? (世界的最贫穷的银行是什么? ) 15. What month do soldiers hate?(军人憎恨什么月? ) 16.An old woman has lived in one-story house before.Her body is very short. Afterwards,she moves into a big building and lives in the ninth story. However, when she comes back home each time,she always takes an elevator to the sixth story and gets off,then she walks to the ninth story.Why?(有位老妇人,从前住平房,并且个子非常矮,后来她搬进了一个很高的楼里,住在第九层,但是她每次回家,她总是乘电梯到第六层就下来,然后走到第九层.为什么?) 你猜到了吗？正确的答案是?? 1. Silence. （沉默） 2. No, they won’t. They lie still after they die.（不会，他们依旧撒谎。 Lie still 躺着不动，依旧撒谎。 3. Your age. （你的年龄） 4. He wants to have a hot dog. （他想要一条热狗。） 5. Because someone will give her away. （因为有人会揭发她。Give away 揭发，在婚礼上把新娘交给新郎） 6. It has the most stories. （它的楼层最多。Story 故事，楼层） 7. The bridge of a nose. （鼻梁） 8. A whole world. (整个世界。 a world of difference 天壤之别) 9. They want to make faces. (make face 做鬼脸，做钟表面) 10. Crane. (鹤。Crane鹤，举重机) 11. Because is a pigbot. (那是潜水艇。pigbot,潜水艇) 12.Because it is a star with a tail..(为它尾部有一个星。) 13.Mom is closer, because Dad is father(farther).(因为爸爸是父亲 , 所以妈妈比较靠近。) (更远的) 14.The river bank.(河岸。) 15.March.(行军.) 16.Because she was too short to press the ninth button.(她太矮了不能按到第九层的按钮.) Level Two 1．Among 26 letters，which one goes all round an island？ 2．What tree comes in twos？ 3．Here is a very old English puzzle．If you can work out what it means，then it is true！ I C U R Y Y 4 M E ____ ． 4．What word is pronounced well？ 5．What，by losing one eye，has nothing left but a nose？ 下页上页首页末页 2/3到页>> 下章上章首章末章 4/6到章>> 6．It has five letters．It has six left if you take two letters away．What is it？ Key：1．C．2．Pear tree．3．I see you are too wise for me 4．Well．5．Noise．6． Sixty． Level Three 1．What is it that is white and black and red all over？ 2．What table do we see in the fields？ 3．What is that which goes up the hill and down the hill and yet stands still？ 4．Why are fixed stars like pens，ink and paper？ 5．Why are the tallest people the laziest？ 6．How can we change a lady into a boy？ 7．What kind of animal will become larger when its head is cut？ 8．Where can we always find money when we look for it？ 9．Where do animals speak with each other？ 10．When will a net hold water？ 11．When can we see things without our eyes open？ 12．What has a lot of teeth b

ut no mouth？ 13．What goes up but never comes down？ 14．What tree is of the greatest importance in history？ 15．Why is a madman like two men？ Key：1．Newspaper．2．Vegetable．3．Road． 4．Stationary（Stationery）．5．Because they are always longer in bed than others．6．Take away“y”（lady?lad）．7．Fox?Ox．8．Dictionary．9．In the fairy tales and fables．10．When the water turns to ice．11．When we are dreaming．12．Comb．13．Your age．14．Date． 15．Because he is a man beside himself． 【 第五章 自己说笑话?】第五章 自己说笑话第五章 自己说笑话 如何地道表达：形形色色的人 1．一根筋儿 one track-minded. 别跟他较劲了。他一根筋，你还不知道？ Stop reasoning with him. Don’t you know he is one track-minded? 2.出众的人 a lulu 要说漂亮，我们公司新来的秘书可算是个相貌出众的女孩子了。 Talking about being pretty, our company’s new secretary is indeed a lulu. 3.两面派 two-faced 我知道怎样对付两面派，而且一眼就能看出谁是一贯两面讨好的人。I know how to handle two-faced people and can even tell at the first glance who are in the habit of running with the hare and hunting with the hounds.(注：run with the hare and hunt with the hounds指人两面讨好，不得罪任何一方的做法。) 4．傻大个儿 a lummox 听说那个傻大个儿把他们公司的买卖搞得一团糟。 It is said that the lummox has loused up their company’s whole business. 5.收破烂儿的人 a rag man 那些收破烂儿的人走街串户，有时也能挣不少钱。 Those rag men going from door to door sometimes may also earn quite a handsome sum of money. 6.乡巴佬 a hayseed 她说她决不会嫁给一个乡巴佬，不管他多有钱。 She insisted that she would not marry herself off to a hayseed, no matter how rich he was. 7.不三不四的人riff-raffs 老张的家里总来些不三不四的人，可想而知老张不是什么好东西。 There are always riff-raffs hanging around in LaoZhang’s home, which gives you the feeling that Lao Zhang is not a good guy. 8.受气包儿 doormat 她天生就是个受气包儿，什么事都不敢说个不字 She’s born doormat ,afraid of going against anything. 9.面无表情的人 a deadpan 和那些面无表情的人在一起工作真让人憋气。 You feel choked to work with those deadpans. 10.扫帚星 a jinx 有人说那个女人是个扫帚星，谁跟她结婚谁倒霉。 She’s said to be a jinx, who would bring bad luck to whoever she marries. 如何地道表达：能力与智慧 1．海量 have a hollow leg 你像灌醉他？他可是海量，从来没有醉过。 Want to drink him under the table? Well…you can never do. He got a hollow leg, you know. 2.略胜一筹 be a notch above 论油画，张先生比刘先生画得好。但是，谈到水彩画，刘先生可就比张先生略胜一筹了。 In oil painting, Mr.Zhang

paints better than Mr.Li.But when it comes to water colors,Mr.Liu appears to be a notch above Mr.Zhang. 3.有头脑 be a brain 他可是个有头脑德人，决不会相信你的那一套。 He’s a brain, who wouldn’t be fooled into believing your babbling. 4.很能干 to have a lot on the ball 我知道李明很能干，但我怀疑他是裾娴脑敢獾轿颐钦舛?垂ぷ鳌?/SPAN> I know Li Ming has a lot on the ball. But I’m not sure if he likes to work here. 5.有名无实 a poor apology 你刚才提到的那个作家不过是个有名无实的人。 下页上页首页末页 2/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> 他的作品太没意思了。 The man you’ve just mentioned is but a poor apology for a writer. His writings are tedious. 6.绞尽脑汁 to rack one’s brain 他已经绞尽脑汁了，可是仍未找到问题的答案。 He had racked his brain, but hadn’t been able to work out the answer to the problem. 7.没骨气 have no guts. 真没想到小高那么没骨气，竟然嫁给了坑害过她父亲的人。 I’m surprised to learn that XiaoGao had married the man who had once done her father in. She rally has no guts. 8.真了不起really something 他真了不起，竟然一个人对付了那么多的对手。 He overwhelmed so many of his opponents alone. He’s really something. 9.昙花一现 a flash in the pan 那个歌星也只是昙花一现，出了几张唱片就销声匿迹了。 That singer was only a flash in the pan. He disappeared into the air after having made one or two records. 10.寡不敌众 be outnumbered 她很勇敢，但终因寡不敌众，被那帮人打晕过去 The girl was brave enough, but as being outnumbered, she was finally knocked into the middle of next week by the gang. 11.单枪匹马 play a lone hand 在投资时，他总喜欢单枪匹马的去干 When investing in a business, he always likes to play a lone hand. 12.出师不利 get off one the wrong foot 他的主意不错，可一开始就出师不利。 下页上页首页末页 3/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> His idea was good, but he got off on the wrong foot when he started doing it. 13.口才 the gift of gab 我几乎没见过像莉莉这样有口才的女孩子。 Seldom have I met a girl who’s had such a gift of gab like Lee Lee’s. 14.还嫩点儿 still wet behind the ears 想陷害我？你还嫩点儿 Attempt to do me in? You are still wet behind the ears. (be wet behind the ears 的字面意思是“像刚生下来的婴儿一样，耳朵后的根毛还是湿的那) 15.糊涂虫 a nitwit 你真是个糊涂虫，怎么能当他的面讲他女朋友的坏话那？ You’re a real nitwit. Why should you badmouth his girlfriend in his face? 16.饭量小 eat like a bird 她的饭量特别小，有一小块面包就足够了。 She eats like a bird. A small piece of bread will be enough for her. 17.痛失良机 Let something slip through one’s fingers 你真蠢

！这样一个发大财的机会千载难逢，你怎能眼睁睁的让他跑掉那？ You can’t be more stupid! How could you let such a golden opportunity to make big money slip through your fingers? It was an opportunity that comes once in a blue moon. 18.抓住机会 jump at the chance 这样的好机会，你应该抓住 You should have jump at such a good chance. 19.嘴硬 never say uncle 那个孩子的嘴特别硬，打死他都不肯认错 That boy never says uncle. He wouldn’t admit he’s wrong for the life of him. 20.有门道 have the means of 在挣钱方面，张先生可有门道了 Mr.Zhang has always had the means of making money. 21.找到窍门get the hang of 我已经找到学习英语动词的窍门了。 下页上页首页末页 4/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> I’ve now got the hang of learning English verbs. 22.占上风 gain the upper hand 比赛一开始，我们队占上风。可到最后却失利了 At the beginning of the game our team gained the upper hand. But by and by, we lost our strength. 23.有资格 be in a position. 你没有资格对他那样讲话，他是那儿的老板 You’re not in a position to talk to him like that; He’s the boss there. 24.恭维话 blarney 只有傻瓜才会相信你的花言巧语。 Only a fool will believe your blarney. 25.上圈套 rise to a bait 赵先生又上了那帮人的圈套了 Mr.Zhao again rose to the bait set by the guys. 26.头脑有点不正常 have a few buttons missing 能说那种话的人头脑肯定有点不正常。 Anyone who says that must have a few buttons missing. 27.见机行事 play to the score 到那儿，你要见机行事，千万不要由性子来。 When you are there with them, play to the score. Never act on impulse. 28唆使 put somebody up to 肯定有人唆使他去干那件事 There must be someone who had put him up to that. 29.心有余而力不足 The spirit is willing, but the flesh is week. 不是他不愿意帮你，而是他心有余而力不足 30.轰动全世界set the world on fire 他吹嘘果找到这个问题的答案，其成果就会轰动全世界 He boasted that if he could find the solution to the problem, the result of it would set the world on fire. 31.盲从 follow like sheep 她们根本不知道什么是时尚，只不过是在盲从而已 They actually know nothing about what fashion is. They’re only following others like sheep. 32.听其自然 let things slide 事到如今，我们也只好听其自然了 With things as such, we’ll have to let things slide. 如何地道表达：脾气和性格 1．偷懒耍滑头 goof-off 小王总是偷懒耍滑头。 下页上页首页末页 5/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> 上班时不是去打电话就是跑到医务室去看病。 XiaoWang’s always goofing-off----either making phone calls or going to the clinic to see doctors during office hours. 2.大动肝火 be up in arms 由于公司最近几个

月销售业绩不佳，老板正在大动肝火 The boss is up in arms about the company’s poor sales record in the past few months. 3.保持冷静keep cool 即使在十分气愤的情况下她也能保持冷静 She can keep cool even under heavy pressure of anger. 4.说话兜圈子 beat about the bush 5.心怀叵测 have an ax to grind 她总是心怀叵测，对她说的话你得多留神 。 She always has an ax to grind. You should take whatever she says with a pinch of salt. 6.心数不正 not have one’s heart in the right place 他的心数不正，动不动就在别人的背后捅刀子。 He doesn’t have his heart in the right place. He would find every opportunity to stab in the back of others. 7.背后捅刀子 stab in the back 我万万没想到张某会在背后捅我一刀。我过去太信任她了。 I was taken aback and didn’t think Zhang would stab me in the back. I placed too much trust in her. 8.说某人的坏话 badmouth somebody 我从来没说过任何人的坏话。 I’ve never badmouthed anyone. 9.傻笑 grin like a Cheshire cat 她真是个傻帽，时常无缘无故的就傻笑起来。 下页上页首页末页 6/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> She’s a real nitwit. She would now and then burst out grinning like a Cheshire car for no reason at all.(Cheshire是英国的郡名：柴郡。据说此地有一种猫，常常会无缘无故地咧开嘴对主人笑。后来人们便以此来形容傻笑地的人 10．厚着脸皮去干 have the gall to do 你怎么能厚着脸皮去抱怨说别人不勤快？ How can you have the gall to complaint about other people’s being lazy? 11.大献殷勤dance attendance 小李在老板面前可会献殷勤了。 Xiao li is so good at dancing attendance on her boss. 12.血口喷人 smite with the tongue 千万别得罪她，她经常血口喷人。 Take care not to offend her. She always smites with the tongue. 13.假惺惺的说speak with one’s tongue in one’s cheek 我特别讨厌她。她说话总是假惺惺地。 I feel sick of her. She always speaks with her tongue in her cheek. 14.这山望着那山高 The grass is always greener on the other hill. 人都是这山望着那山高，对自己的状况没有满意的时候。 Almost all people see that the grass is greener on the other hill. They never feel satisfied with what they’ve already got. 15.上瘾get into one’s blood 说来也怪，很多不好的事往往会使人上瘾。 It’s astoundingly funny that many harmful things usually get into our blood. 16.特别爱生气 be quick to take offense 17.发牢骚 beef 他坐在那里什么事也不干，总是发牢骚，真烦死人。 下页上页首页末页 7/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> I’m really bored stiff with his sitting there doing nothing but beefing. 18.等不及了 champ at the bit 咱们快点吧，孩子们都等不及了。 Let’s shake the leg. The kids are champing at the bit

. 19.点头哈腰bow and scrape 从她在老板前点头哈腰地那个模样，你就知道她是个什么人了。 From the way she’s bowing and scraping in front of the boss, you’ll know what sort of person she is. 20.疯疯癫癫go gaga 对他的话不要太在意了，他总是疯疯癫癫的。 Don’t take what he says so seriously. He’s always going gaga. 21.说话不算数go back on one’s words 他那个人说话从不算数,我们可不能依靠他。 We cannot account on him. He always goes back on his words. 22.废话连篇beat one’s gums 谁喜欢坐在那里听你的废话连篇？ Who would enjoy sitting there listening to your beating your gums? 23.恩将仇报 bite the hand that feeds one 你难道不知道她是个恩将仇报的人？ Don’t you know she’s the one that would bite the hand that feeds her? 24.不忍心not have the heart to do 如果我是你，我可不忍心把孩子们就在家里没人照看 If I were you, I wouldn’t have the heart tot leave the kids at home uncared for. 25.勤快an eager beaver 他特别勤快，从来没有闲着的时候。 下页上页首页末页 8/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> He’s an eager beaver, never staying idle. 26.太不象话了The idea of somebody’s doing 你太不象话了，竟然骂自己的母亲 The idea of your calling your mum damned! 27.懒透了be bone-idle 她懒透的了，连自己的袜子都不洗。 She’s bone-idle. She’s even tired of washing her own socks. 28.好客 keep open house 我们的邻居特别好客 Our neighbor keeps open house. 29.待客周到keep a good house. She keeps a good house and always makes her guests feel content and satisfied. 30.正直be on the up and up 她是个正直的姑娘，因此我相信她不会干出那种事。 She’s always been on the up and up and I don’t think she would have done such a thing. 31.偷鸡摸狗be on the sly 我们这儿的人都知道他是个爱偷鸡摸狗的人 Everyone around here knows that he’s a man on the sly. 32. 与……不合be at odds with 不要把他们两个分在一个组里，他俩不合 Don’t put them in the same group. The two of them are at odds with each other. 33.巴结buddy up 她可会巴结当官的了。 She’s so good at budding up to shoes in authorities 34.装傻 play possum 我知道你当时只不过是装傻而已 I know you were only playing possum. 35.省吃俭用 pinch and scrape 她一向省吃俭用，从未浪费过一分钱 She’s always been pinching and scraping without ever wasting a single cent. 36. 花言巧语do a snow job 他花言巧语的哄骗那个女孩，说自己是某个部长的儿子。 下页上页首页末页 9/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> He did a snow job on the girl by saying that he is the son of a minister . 37. 哪壶不开提哪壶 touch the tender spot 你真是哪壶不开提哪壶。她就怕别人提起第三者插足的话题 You were plain

touching the tender spot. She was most sensitive to the topic of “ the third person”, who cut in between a couple. 38.脚踩两条船 serve two masters 我可不想脚踩两条船，也不乐意两面讨好。 I don’t want to serve two masers at the same time nor do I like to run with the hare and hunt with the hounds. 39.吃醋 be jealous 40.不当一回事 as soon do …as look at … 他根本就不把得罪人当回事 He would just as soon offend other people as look at them. 41.说到做到 be the equal of one’s words 他说到做到，从不食言 He’s the equal of his words, never going back on them. 42.不依不饶 take off the gloves to 你不必对他如此的不依不饶 You don’t need to take off your gloves to him like that. 43.贪吃 gluttonous 我从来没有见过像他那样贪吃的人 I’ve never met a man as gluttonous as him. 44.很乖 as good as gold 他的小女儿很乖，从不像别的孩子那样不听话。 His little daughter is as good as gold. She’s never been as rebellious as other children. 45.十分嫉妒 be green with envy 王先生的成功使得周围很多人都嫉妒 Mr. Wang’s success has made many people around him green with envy. 46.满口脏话 swear like a trooper 那个家伙的嘴特别脏，整天满口脏话骂骂咧咧的。 下页上页首页末页 10/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> That guy has a foul mouth. He always swears like a trooper. 47.神经过敏thin-skinned 我看这些人都有点神经过敏 In my eyes they’re all sort of thin-skinned. 48.性子过急be too quick on the trigger 要不是因为你的性子过急，你也不至于失去那笔买卖 If you were not too quick on the trigger you wouldn’t have lost the deal. 49.撒娇 play the woman 她可会在男人面前撒娇了。 She ‘s so good at playing the woman before men. 50.占人便宜 load the dice against 你最好别和她打交道，她总爱占别人的便宜 You’d better not to get involved with her. she always loads the dice against others. 51.为自己捞油水 be on the take 近几年来，很多官员都在为自己捞油水。有谁会把国家的利益当回事哪？ In recent years many officials are readily on the take .Who would give much heed to the interest of the country? 如何地道表达：情感和态度 1．犹豫不定be of two minds 我打算买辆汽车，可心里一直犹豫不定，不知道买那个牌子的好。 I’m thinking of buying a car, but I’m still of two minds .I can hardly decide as to which brand I should take. 2.心事重重 some thing weighs heavily on one’s mind 老板这几天沉默寡言，看起来好像是心事重重的 The boss is quite down these days. He seems to have something weighing heavily on his mind. 3.埋头苦干 keep one’s nose to the grindstone 这年头，只会埋头苦干的人是挣不了大钱的 These years those who’re keeping their nose to the grindstone can’t make bundles. 4.心凉了

半截 cool one’s ardor 莉莉深深爱上了公司的老板并打算嫁给他，但是当她听说他玩弄过几个女孩子之后，她的心都凉了半截。 下页上页首页末页 11/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> Lily was head over heels in love with their company’s boss and was thinking of marrying him, but the news that he had taken several girls for a ride cooled her ardor. 5.使人大为激动make one’s spine tingle 小李答应与他结婚使他大为激动 XiaoLi’s promise to marry him made his spine tingle. 6.怀恨在心 bear somebody a grudge 千万别得罪他，他会对你怀恨在心的 Take care not to offend him, or he’ll bear you a grudge. 7.感到四肢无力 feel wobbly and rough. 8.受冷落feel left out 在这样的场合上，谁愿意受到冷落那？ Who would like to feel left out at such a function? 9.不容易 no cinch. 我是挣了钱，但这钱挣得太不容易了 I know I’ve made some money, but it was no cinch to get it. 10．为难 be in a pickle 我真的很为难，我本应该给他买件皮衣，可我没有那么多的钱 I’m really in a pickle. I’m supposed to buy him a fur coat, but I don’t have enough money for such an item.(pickle作“困境”解) 11．苦苦哀求 press one’s suit 她苦苦哀求丈夫再给她一次机会 She pressed her suit and asked her husband to give her another chance. (苦苦哀求：press one’s suit. suit 指“乞求或恳求”) 12. 闲得无聊twiddle one’s thumbs 这些娘们儿都闲得无聊,不是坐在那里说长道短，就是三五成群的谈论别人家的“丑闻” These “old girls”network are twiddling their thumbs , sitting there either gossiping or forming into groups talking about other families’ “skeletons” 13.推卸责任 pass the buck 当老板问起是谁把消息说出去的时候，他们两个人相互推卸责任。 下页上页首页末页 12/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> When the boss was asking who had disclosed the news ,the two of them began to pass the buck to each other. 14.承担后果 face the music 这件事是他们三个人一起干的，可是现在谁也不愿意承担后果 It was done by the three of them. But none of them want to face the music now. 15.真烦人a pill 她真烦人，整天唠唠叨叨的 She’s really a pill, spending whole day harping and complaining. 16.饶不了某人not put anything past somebody 如果他胆敢给我使坏，我就饶不了他。 If he dare hit me below the belt, I won’t put anything past him. 17.一门心思have one’s heart set on 他的女儿一门心思想嫁给一个日本人 His daughter has had her heart set on marrying a Japanese man. 18.心烦意乱 nerves on edge 这几天不知是什么事把我搞得心烦意乱的 I don’t know what has set my nerves on edge these days. 19.那可不行nothing doing 又要用我的车？那可不行！ Want to use my car again? Nothing doin

g. 20.容易极了Nothing to it 你能说服我爸爸么？ Can you convince my father? 说服你爸爸？那太容易了 Convince your dad? Nothing to it! 21.到了极点one for the books 他的表演简直棒极了 His performance was really one for the books. 22.觉得可疑了smell a rat 当他们同意把那批货以那样的价格卖给你的时候，你难道没有感到有些可疑么? Didn’t you smell a rat when they agreed to sell you the goods at such a price? 23.敬而远之give a wide berth to 对他那号人，你还是敬而远之为好 You’d better give a wide berth to a guy of his sort. 24.稍微……就行了give ……a once－over 车子不很脏，稍微擦擦就行了 The car’s not very dirty, a once-over will do. 25.无聊 be for the birds 他特别无聊，不是讲下流笑话，就是谈论别人的婚姻。 下页上页首页末页 13/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> He’ s plain for the birds. He would either crack a blue joke or talk about other people’s marriages. 26.合口味to one’s taste 这种音乐很符合他的口味 This sort of music is quite to his taste. 27.心里特别难受 be sick at heart 看到她受到那般伤害我心里特别难受 I felt sick at heart when I saw how much she was hurt. 28.别往心里去not take …to heart 不要往心里去，她不是有意要伤害你的 Don’t take it too much to heart. She didn’t mean to hurt you. 29.死也不同意 over one’s dead body 她说她死也不会跟你结婚的 She said that she would marry you over her dead body. 30.头痛得快炸了a splitting headache 我的头痛得快炸了 I have a splitting headache. 31.受到良心的谴责get one’s conscience smitten 如果你抛弃你的妻子和孩子，你迟早会受到良心的谴责的 You’ll get your conscience smitten sooner or later if you have the heart to abandon your wife and children. 32.忐忑不安 have (a case of )the jitters 自从那家人搬到我们这儿，我们就感到忐忑不安 33.垂头丧气 sing the blues 我不知道为什么这几天她总是垂头丧气的 I don’t know why she’s singing the blues these days. 34. 吓得直打哆嗦tremble like a leaf 听到那个消息，他吓得直打哆嗦 He was trembling like a leaf at the news. 35.不再登某人家的门not darken the door of 你放心把，我今后决不会再登你家的门了 You can be assured that I will never darken your door again. 36.美颠颠的walk on air 当他听说那个女孩子喜欢他时，他乐得美颠颠得 37．疼得难忍be killing 我的牙疼得够戗，我真受不了了。 下页上页首页末页 14/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> My tooth is killing me. I can’t stand it. 38.热情得让人受不了 kill someone with kingness 她那热情简直让人受不了 She’d kill people with kindness. 39.乐意take kindly to 看来她不乐意接受我们的建议 She didn’t seem to take kindly to our s

uggestions. 40.顶牛be at loggerheads 他们俩经常为某些事顶牛儿。 The two of them are always at loggerheads. (此语源于中世纪得“泼柏油战法”。据说loggerhead是中世纪人们用来熔解柏油的用具。在海战中，敌对的两只船相互用loggerhead泼柏油) 41.无论怎么样也不 not do …for love or money 无论怎么样我也不能和她那号人合作 I wouldn’t do things together with her sort for love or money. 42.感到心里不好受 get a lump in one’s throat 我一看悲剧电影就不好受 I get a lump in my throat whenever I see a tragic movie. 43.感到不舒服feel under the weather 别去打扰她。她这几天感到身体有点不舒服 Don’t disturb her. She’s feeling under the weather these days. 44.放下不管leave someone in the lurch 你怎么能忍心放下两个孩子不管自己去旅游那？ How could you have the heart to leave the kids in the lurch and went out traveling yourself? 45.临走时说的一句气话 a parting shot 他说了一句气话就冲出了屋子。 With a parting shot he stormed out of the house. (一个人和别人发生争吵后，常会在临走时说一句发泄愤怒的话，叫a parting shot) 46让过去的事过去吧let bygones be bygones 别再提它了，让过去的事过去吧 Don’t mention it. Let bygones be bygones. 47.烦透了be sick and tired of … 她没完没了的抱怨真把我给烦透了 I got sick and tired of her endless complaints. 48.欣然的with a good grace 他欣然的接受了这项工作 He accepted the job with a good grace. 49.你……好不好？I’ll thank you to … 闭上你的臭嘴好不好？ I’ll thank you to shut up your foul mouth? 50.忙得脱不开身be tied up with 我们经理忙得脱不开身 ，您还是明天再来吧。 下页上页首页末页 15/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> Our manager’s tied up now. Will you come tomorrow? 51.不要求特殊照顾ask no odds 即使在特别困难得情况下，他也从未要求过特殊照顾。 52．感情不好be on the outs 自从她从美国会来以后，她和丈夫的关系就一直不好。 She’s been on the outs with her husband since she came back from the US. 53.满不在乎 like water off a duck’s back 老板在会上严厉的批评了他，可他却满不在乎 The boss criticized him at the meeting, but it was just like water off a duck’s back. 54.站在某人一边side with someone 但我和爸爸发生争执时，姐姐总是站在爸爸那一边。 My sister always sides with my father against me in my argument with him. 55.不要声张be hush-hush 这件事可不要声张，千万别向任何人吐露一个字。 This business is hush-hush. Never breathe a word to anyone about it. 56.置若罔闻turn a deaf ear to 他对老板的话置若罔闻，根本不把它当回事 He turns a deaf ear to what the boss says, never taking it serious 如何地道表达：赞同与反对 1．大吵大闹 ye

ll bloody murder 如果我的妻子知道我为他们花了多少钱，她一定会大吵大闹的。 My wife will certainly yell boldly murder when she learns how much I have spent for them. 2. 很像 the spitting image of 小李真象他的爸爸，在老婆面前象条虫似的。 下页上页首页末页 16/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> Xiao Li is plain the spitting image of his father, who behaves just like a lamb in front of his wife. 3. 绝交信Dear John 贝克收到他女朋友的绝交信的那天简直都气疯了。 Beck went plain crazy with anger on the day when he received his Dear John from his exgirlfriend. 4.不能轻信take something with a grain of salt 他说的话你可不能全信，他是个说谎不带脸红的人。 You must always take what he says with a grain of salt. He’s a born liar. 5. 告发，检举 blow the whistle 据说检举这件事的政府官员也被调职了。 It’s said that those government officials who had blown the whistle also got transferred. 6. 指控 charge somebody with 他被指控犯有强奸罪而被逮捕了 He was charged with raping and got arrested. 7.刮目相看sit up and take notice 他最近出了几本十分畅销的书，这使得很多人对他刮目相看 He has published a number of books and they all become best-sellers, the fact of which makes many people sit up and take notice. 8.挺不错的 be hunky-dory 他的女朋友挺不错的，跟谁都合得来。 His girlfriend is hunky-dory, getting on nicely with almost everyone. 9.已经……了 be over 电影已经完了 The film is over. 10.断断续续be off and on 我断断续续学了12年的英语了。 下页上页首页末页 17/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> I have been learning English off and on for 12 years. 11.亏你说得出来 I like that! 你是说男人应该娶几个老婆？亏你说得出来！ Did you say that a man should have several wives? I like that! 12.闭上嘴 button one’s lip/zip ones lips 闭上嘴！难道你看不出来人家不爱听么？ Zip your lips. Can’t you see they’re annoyed? 13.真的阿 you don’t say 我已经和丽玲结婚了。 Li ling and I are married. 真的阿！你真幸运 。 You don’t say! You are lucky. 14.再合适不过了 suit somebody to a T 这个颜色对你再合适不过了。 This color suits you to a T. 15.让人看不下去an eye-sore 看那两个年轻人在那里又搂又吻的真让人看不下去。 The two young guys’ caressing and spooning there are plain an eye-sore. 16.不能用了 be done for 这件大衣不能穿了。买件新的吧。 Buy yourself a new coat. This one is already done for. 17. 不理不睬not even give a tumble 小李三番五次的说他喜欢小刘，可是小刘对他不理不睬 Xiao Li says that he likes Xiao Liu but she doesn’t even give him tumble. 18.拒绝某人的求婚give somebody the mitten 她说她的求婚被拒绝了。 She said that

she had been given the mitten. 19.为……说句好话put in a good word for 你可以去找老王，让他在老板面前为你说句好话。 下页上页首页末页 18/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> You may go to Lao Wang and ask him to put in a good word for you in front of the boss. 20.怎么也不…… can’t for the life of one. 我怎么也想不起他的电话号码了 I can’t for the life of me remember his telephone number. 21.绝对没有I’d eat my hat if I had… 我绝对没有把那个消息告诉她。 I’d eat my hat if I had disclosed the news to her. 22.算了吧call it quits 算了吧。他既然已有新欢，我也就不打算和他复婚了 I’d call it quits, and I would not remarry him for that he’s already had his new woman. 23.合格be up to grade 他们的新产品基本上都是合格的。 Their new products are near up to grade. 24.我同意I’ll drink to it. 你是说我们今晚到饭馆去吃么？这个我同意 Did you say we’d eat out tonight? I’ll drink to that. 25. 严加训斥give somebody a dressing down 老板听到那个消息后严厉训斥了参与此事的职员。 On hearing the news, the boss gave a dressing down to all those clerks that were involved in the business. 26.一个字也不说not breathe a word 她的嘴很紧，直到现在对那件事她也没有吐露一个字。 She ‘s tight-mouthed .So far she has not breathed a word about that. 如何地道表达：评价，疑虑和问询 1．崭新的 brand new. 他买了一台崭新的轿车 He bought a brand new car. 2．太便宜了 be dirt cheap 这块手表才花了30美元，真是太便宜了。 下页上页首页末页 19/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> You bought this watch only for 30 dollars? It’s dirt cheap. 3.费事儿 take a lot of doing 做鱼特别费事儿，我可不愿意洗阿，淹阿，钝阿什么的。 It takes a lot of doing to cook a fish. I wouldn’t like to spend a lot of time washing, salting, stewing and whatnots for the cooking of it. 4.知道底细 have someone’s number 别跟我瞎吹了，我又不是不了解你的底细。 No big talk with me, I have your number. 5.精品 the choicest goods 这家商店卖的手表都是精品，而且种类还特别多。 This shop sells a wide range of watches, all of which are the choicest. 6. 了解一下情况 get the lay of the land 经理说他想让我们先去海南了解一下那里的情况，然后再决定投资的事。 The manager said that he would like us to go to Hai Nan and get the lay of the land there before deciding on the investment. 7.掌上明珠 the apple of someone’s eye 玲玲是她爷爷的掌上明珠 Ling Ling is the apple of her grandpa’s eye. 8.让人恶心turn one’s stomach / make one sick 听她讲话，看她和男人讲话的那股劲头儿真让我恶心。 Listening to her and seeing the way of her talking with men really turns my stomach. 9.惹麻

烦了 be in a jam 小张这次可惹麻烦了，昨天他又让警察给逮着了。 下页上页首页末页 20/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> Xiao Zhang’s in a jam now. He was copped out again by the police yesterday. 10．关系很好 be on good terms with 据说老那个部长的关系特别好 It’s said that Lao Zhang is on very good terms with the minister. 11.甜头儿 sugar plum 如果不尝到点甜头儿，她是不会干那种事的 She wouldn’t do that if she hadn’t got sort of sugar plum. 12.什么都敢赌 can bet one’s bottom dollar 她绝对不会和他结婚的，这个我什么都敢赌。 I can bet my bottom dollar that she won’t marry him for anything. 13.美中不足a fly in the ointment 我喜欢那套房子，但美中不足的是离上班的地方太远。 I like the house, but there’s a fly in the ointment: I have to commute so far to work. 14．蹩脚货/次品 a lemon 几天以后他才发现他买的车是个蹩脚货。 Not until several days later did he find the car he bought was a lemon. 15.小道消息 through the grapevine 不要听任何小道消息，现在传闲话的人越来越多了。 Don’t believe anything through the grapevine. There are more and more gossipers. 16.其丑无比 have a face that would stop a clock 我真不敢想象象李同这样英俊的小伙子竟然和奇丑无比的孙丽结了婚 You can hardly imagine that a handsome man like Li Tong would get married with a girl like Sun Li who has a face that would stop the clock. 17.体型匀称 be well-proportioned 杰克体型匀称，个头适中，一双大眼睛炯炯有神，成了许多女孩追求的目标。 下页上页首页末页 21/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> Lack, with a body well-proportioned, about the middling, a pair of intense big eyes, has become the target of many pretty girls. 18. 做得太过火了 overplay one’s hand 你一定时做得太过火了， 否则她不会对你如此不依不饶的。 You must have overplayed your hand or she wouldn’t have taken off her gloves to you like that! 19.正中下怀 play into someone’s hands 你同意到外地出差正中老板下怀，至于原因，还是留给你自己去思考吧 Your agreeing to take the business trip in another city well played into the hands of the boss. As for the reason, you put it in the pipe and smoke it. 20/轻松的工作 a cushy job 他想干个轻松的工作，可又怕挣钱太少了。 He hope to take a cushy job but at the same time, worries about pay he gets from such a job. 21.多的不得了 a jillion 千万别让你的丈夫去那个城市出差，那里的妓女多得不得了 Never allow your husband to take a trip to that city. There are a jillion streetwalkers there. 22.争论的原因 a bone of contention 我想，分利不均才是他们争吵的真正原因。 I think the inequality in splitting the profits is their real bone of contention.

23.仍在……着 be still on 现在已经是深夜12点了，可是他办公室的灯还在亮着。 下页上页首页末页 22/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> It’s already 12:00 o’clock midnight, yet, the light in his office is still on. 24.有点生疏 go a bit rusty A:你能讲法语么？B：过去学过，可几年不用有点生疏了。 Can you speak French? I learned it, but I haven’t used it for a long time so it has got a bit rusty. 25.喝多了 have one too many 看他那个样子肯定是喝多了，你最好把他送回家 He must seem to have had one too many. You’d better walk him home. 26.事情的真相 what’s what 如果你弄清事情的真相，就马上打电话告诉我 Give me a buzz and tell me as soon as you’ve got the what’s what. 27.真惨 a bad scene 这次考试真惨。十道题我只答对了两道，其他的全错了。 This exam was really the bad scene! I miss all the ten questions but two. 28.不能再……了can’t be adjective+er 这个价格不能再低了 The price can’t be any lower. 29.彻头彻尾的 out and out 他是个彻头彻尾的口头革命派。 He’s an out and out armchair revolutionary. 30.打扮得特别漂亮be dressed to the nines 每次去参加舞会，她都打扮得特别漂亮。 Every time she went to a dance, she would always be dressed up to the nines. 31.空头支票 lip-service 他对我们的许诺不过是个空头支票而已。 What he promised us is but a lip-service. 32.害人反害己 harm set, harm get 他吃苦果既是我们常说的“害人反害己”的最好例证 the bitter fruit he has got can be a very good example of what we call “Harm set, harm get.” 33.到底 on earth 你到底想怎么着？ What on earth do you want ? 34.活见鬼 The Deuce! 真见鬼了！你不告诉他他怎么会知道我们俩在做这个买卖那？ The Deuce! How could he possibly know what business we are doing without telling him? 35.你好好琢磨琢磨吧 Put that in your pipe and smoke it. 你好好琢磨琢磨吧。 下页上页首页末页 23/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> 他凭什么对你那样慷慨那？ Why should he be so generous to you like that? Put it in your pipe and smoke it. 36.那有怎样？So what? 我说了，那有怎样？ I said it .So what? 37.完蛋了 the jig is up. 这回他完蛋了，警察在他的提箱里发现了大麻。 The jig is up this time. The police found marijuana in his briefcase. 38.添油加醋 spice up 我没有添油加醋，我说的都是事实。 I didn’t spice up. All I said is true. 39.要命的东西 the kiss of death 千万别得罪他，得罪他可是个要命的事。 Never offend him. That’ll be the kiss of death. 40.逼真 true to life 他的那张画画的真逼真。 This painting of his is true to life. 41．睡得像死猪一样 sleep like a log 那些工人睡得像死猪一样，老板什么时候来的都不知道。 The

workers were all sleeping like a log, even without knowing when the boss gad arrived. 42.仅次于 be next only to 从人口数量方面讲，印度仅次于中国。 Talking about the size of population, India is next only to China. 43.幸亏 thank God 当时幸亏警察赶到了，要不他非得被那帮人打死。 Thank God the police had arrived or he might be killed by the gang. 44.喧宾夺主 steal the show 我可不愿意在这些领导面前喧宾夺主。 I wouldn’t like to steal the show before these leading personnels. 45.你这样做人家会怎么说那？ What will Mrs. Grundy say? 你说要像他们一样以那种方式去挣钱。 下页上页首页末页 24/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> 如果你真的那样做，别人又会怎么说呢？ You said that you would go to make money the way as they do. But if you have done the same, what will Mrs. Grundy say? 46.使……逊色 put …in the shade 在任何舞会上，只要她一露面，就显不着其他人了。 She would put everyone else in the shade at whatever party she appears. 47.多么……阿Talk about…! 多么漂亮的女人阿！ Talk about a beautiful woman! 48.今后的麻烦 the devil to pay 你可以把那笔钱要回来，但是考虑到今后的麻烦，我劝你还是不要的好 You can certainly get the money back. But when coming to think of the devil to pay, I advise you to give it up. 49.实在该……了 it’s high time …did… 你实在该考虑你的婚姻问题了。 It’s high time you thought about getting married. 50. 无风不起浪 Where there’s smoke there’s fire. 无风不起浪，我想她肯定做过那种事。 She must have done that sort of thing. Where there’s smoke there’s fire. 51.沉重的包袱 a millstone around one’s neck 他一直打算出国留学，可是年迈的老母亲以及妻子和孩子成了他的沉重包袱。 He’s been thinking of furthering his studies abroad but, his aged mother, his wife and the children all become a millstone around his neck. 52.理亏 be in the wrong 他承认那是他的不是，而且也向你表示了歉意，你为什么还要对他如此的不依不饶呢？ He admitted he was in the wrong and had already expressed his apology. But why should you still come down on him like a ton of bricks? 53.除非太阳打西边出来 till gigs can fly 想让我嫁给他那号人？ 除非太阳打西边出来。 下页上页首页末页 25/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> Want me to marry a person of his sort? Till pigs can fly. 54.宽容大度 turn the other cheek 当你得知别人在背后说了你的坏话时，要做到对这个人宽容大度是很难的。 When you know that someone spoke evil of you behind your back, it would be very difficult to turn the other cheek to him. 55.赞扬某人sing someone’s praises. 你为什么老是赞扬那个家伙？我认为他不值得你称赞 Why should you always sing tha

t guy’s praises? I don’t think he deserves all your praise. 56.接受某人的观点take someone’s point 我接受了你的观点，但是这不等于我完全同意你的看法。 I took your point , but it doesn’t mean I totally agree with you. 57.恰到好处 fit like a glove 你对他的批评恰到好处，如果你说得再过点儿头，他也许就接受不了了。 Your criticism of him fitted just like a glove. If you had have made it a bit hotter, he could not have possibly accepted them. 58.完美无缺 nothing left to desire 他的生活已经是完美无缺了 He had nothing left to desire in life. 59.平易近人common touch 他当了部长以后，仍未失去平易近人的作风。 Even after becoming a minister, he still keeps his common touch with people. 60.听天由命 resign to fate 他试了几次都失败了，所以现在也只能听天由命了 He failed all his attempts and now he has to resign to his fate. 61.有失身份beneath one’s dignity 如果你也那样做，那可就有失身份了 I would be beneath your dignity if you’d follow suit and do the same. 62.错过他人 bark up the wrong tree 也可能是我错怪了她，不过她确实经常和一个男人出去。 下页上页首页末页 26/27到页>> 下章上章首章末章 5/6到章>> I may have been barking up the wrong tree, but she does go our a lot with a man. 63.跃跃欲试be itching for a chance to do… 你为什么不给他一次机会呢？他正跃跃欲试，想向你 证实一下他的能力。。 Why don’t you give him a chance? He’s itching for a chance for show you his abilities. 64.胸怀大志 hitch one’s wagon to a star 胸怀大志是件很好的事情，但是光有大志是不够的。 It’s great to hitch your wagon to a star, but that alone is not enough. 65.留一条退路 hedge one’s bets 他没有把全部打算都告诉对方，为的是给自己留一条退路。 In order to hedge his bets he didn’t tell the other party all of his plan. 66.不公平的待遇 a raw deal 我真搞不懂她遭遇不公平待遇却不敢吭声 I can’t understand why she got a raw deal and could not be up in arms. 【 第六章 幽默的本质?】第六章 幽默的本质第六章 幽默的本质 Humor & Black Humor No one knows exactly why we laugh or why anything that is funny should cause us to make such a peculiar noise. It would be just as logical to stick our thumbs in our ears and wiggle our fingers as it is to giggle or bellow or howl with laughter. But when something strikes our "funny bone," our diaphragm flutters up and down, and we laugh. The urge to laugh appears very early. Babies smile, then coo, and finally chuckle when pleased. If certain parts of the baby's body are tickled with the fingers, laughter occurs. But by the time children attend school, they also laugh at things they hear and see. Stories are among the most popular forms of humor. As a rule, a story is consi

dered inferior if it embarrasses someone, if it makes something sacred appear common, if it makes a person's weakness the cause for laughter, if it has to have vulgarity to be funny, or if everyone cannot join in the enjoyment of the joke. The humor of situation If a man meets a lady on the street, tips his hat to her, and a pigeon flies out from beneath it, most of the people who see it would roar with laughter. This is called the humor of the unexpected happening. Another kind of situation humor is the incongruous (putting together unrelated things). Boys and girls see dogs every day and think nothing of them. But if a dog enters a classroom, everyone laughs. The dog does not belong there, and the situation is incongruous. The humor of words Situation humor need not be described in words. By far the greatest amount of humor is told rather than seen. Certain words are funny in their very sounds, like bobble and squirt. Sometimes people get mixed up in pronouncing their words, and instead of saying "people think" they might say "thinkle peep." Puns, or double meanings, furnish us with much of our humor. Puns are plays on words, in which one word is said when another one is meant. For example, it is said that Ben Jonson was asked by a friend to make a pun. Ben replied, "Pun what subject?" for "Upon what subject?" The friend laughed at this pun, but said, "Oh, the king." Ben then said, "But the king is not a subject. 下页上页首页末页 2/6到页>> 上章首章 6/6到章>> He is the king." Hyperbole is simply exaggeration. Sometimes it includes a twisting or distortion of the truth for the sake of humor. Common expressions of everyday life are often hyperboles. If a woman says "It's raining cats and dogs" she is using hyperbole. And if she is answered with "I know. I just stepped in a poodle," she hears a pun. Repetition is also a popular way of gaining laughter, but it does not produce a very high grade of humor. In many of the jokes told, a thing happens twice in exactly the same way. But the third time it happens differently, and the point of the story is revealed. A man's car stuck in the mud one rainy day. He walked to the nearest farmhouse to telephone for help. The farmer had no telephone, but said the farm down the road had one. Muttering angrily, the man plodded on through the rain. The second farmer's telephone was out of order, but this farmer said another farm still farther down the road had one. The motorist was near the exploding point when he reached the third farm. 下页上页首页末页 3/6到页>> 上章首章 6/6到章>> As the farmer shuffled to the door, the motorist yelled, "You idiot! I wouldn't use your phone even if you had one!" Comparison and contrast often give rise to humor. They are almost the same as the incongruous situation. "My head's as clear as a bell. In fact, I hear it ringing" sh

ows comparison. Contrast is illustrated in such expressions as "not enough sense to varnish a walnut." The types of humor Humor of words takes many forms. It can be gentle and kindly, or it can be harsh and biting. There is no exact distinction between these various types of humor. Wit differs from most humor in being purely intellectual, rather than relying on incongruities that come up naturally. Most humor produces a smile, but wit usually causes people to break out in sudden laughter. Satire presents the weaknesses of humanity and makes fun of them. Usually, satire attempts to cure the foolishness by making people laugh at it. Sarcasm is much more brutal than satire. It often takes the form of a biting speech. 下页上页首页末页 4/6到页>> 上章首章 6/6到章>> If one woman says to another woman, "That's a lovely dress, dear. Too bad they didn't have your size," the woman is sarcastic. Irony implies the opposite of what is apparently being stated. Irony may begin as a compliment or a simple statement, but it conceals a sting in the remark. It is usually expressed by a tone of voice, and is often an understatement. A sign on freshly seeded grass may say only "Please," but probably means, "Have enough sense to stay on the sidewalk, where you belong!" Farce, slapstick, and buffoonery involve such pranks as throwing custard pies or pushing unsuspecting persons into swimming pools. Parody and burlesque change the wording of a well-known story or song to produce comic results. Mimicry imitates another person's habits, gestures, or speech for comic effect. Black humor is a literary term that refers primarily to a kind of bitter and often outrageous satire. Much black humor is directed against greed, narrow-mindedness, complacency, and hypocrisy. 下页上页首页末页 5/6到页>> 上章首章 6/6到章>> Black humor frequently satirizes society's institutions, including government bureaucracies, the military, and large corporations, depicting them as dehumanizing organizations. Black humorists often attack the absurdity they see in life itself, as well as society's ills. The awareness of human mortality is basic to black humor, giving many of the works a desperate, even hopeless attitude. Black humor as a movement became prominent in the 1960's. But critics have found elements of black humor in the writings of the English author Jonathan Swift and the French philosopher Voltaire in the 1700's and in the writings of some earlier authors. Features of black humor appear in the theater of the absurd, an experimental drama movement that emerged in France in the 1950's. A number of American writers have been called black humorists, including Joseph Heller and Kurt Vonnegut. A number of motion pictures exhibit elements of black humor, notably Dr. Strangelove (1964), directed by Stanley Kubrick. A number of comedians deal in material that can be called black humor. （完）