1.The World's Greatest Swordsman （n. 剑客, 击剑手）
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place（排名第三的） fencer（n.剑客，击剑者）took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc（n.弧） of his sword（n.剑，刀） he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced（slice n.薄片vt.削） a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
stage [n.舞台 take the world stage登上舞台
exhibition ]n.展览(会)release ]vt.／ n.释(排)放；放开
hush v.(使)安静下来 n.安静，寂静
anticipation n.预期；预料 in anticipation of 期待着
blade ]n.刀刃，刀片 mighty [a.强大的
insect ]n.昆虫，虫 aghast ]a.惊骇的
target [n.目标，对象，靶子 vt.瞄准 yell ]vi./ n.号叫，叫喊
2.A Mistake
An American, a Scot（ Scotland n.苏格兰） and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
accident [?ksid?nt] n.意外遭遇,事故
fluster [fl?st?] vt.使惊慌失措 flustered惊慌失措的
saint英音：[seint] heaven [hev?n]n.天堂
Done 口语（成交） instantly [inst?ntli]
ad.立即，立刻 scene [si:n]n.场，地点
medic 医生 haggle [h?g?l]vi.讨价还价
argue [ɑ:gju:]vi.争论(吵,辩) government政府
3.Pig or Witch（女巫）
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen（要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。）.
steep a.陡的
narrow [a.狭窄(隘)的；
lean v.(使)倾斜
crash vi.碰撞
4.Response Ability
response n.回答 ability n.能力，技巧
An Ogden（奥格根市）, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity（仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法）
Iowa ]n.衣阿华[美国州名]
minister n.部长，公使，牧师
congregation n.集合在一起的群众
a member of his congregation一位教友
constitute vt.构成 gamble 赌博
scientific .科学的determine vt.决定
commit vt.犯(错误等)
charity n.救济金；[ pl.]慈善团体；宽容
Philosopher Bertrand Russell(罗素), asked if he was willing to die for his belief, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong." philosopher n.哲学家
willing愿意的belief .信仰
5.
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre(卢浮宫), and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
organize vt.组织contest n.比赛；辩驳
6.Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders
sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay（躺） in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide（兽皮）盖上the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture牧草地，牧场to wait for the lion pasture
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully was no sign of the lion.（ curdle v.使凝结shriek vi.尖叫approach v.靠近groan v.呻吟）
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?" howl [haul]vi.／哀号 bull [bul]n.公牛 idiot n.白痴，傻子，笨蛋
7.Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to
hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
crew n.全体工作人员
location n.位置，场所；外景拍摄地
director 主管，导演 hail ]n.雹 hailstorm雹暴 incredible ]a.不可信的；不可思议的，惊人的
show up 暴露，露面shrug v.／ n.耸肩
8.I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms
flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
I Am Acting Like a Lady我要表现得象位女士
the FarEast Department Store远东百货公司
on sale减价 dignified a.有尊严的
batter v.连续猛击 frantic a.发疯似的
he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。 as long as只要 flail vi.敲击
plow n.犁 v.犁，耕
thrill n.兴奋v.(使)兴奋a thrill voice尖叫
9.A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr.
Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. （保留）for proper （装载平衡）an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they also read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeeded in having the company of the girl during the whole trip. 10.why do you never phone me?
Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went and lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this,
but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week."
Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?"
Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone." "No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!"
11.My First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go." They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
trick [trik]n.诡计；戏法、特技
12.New Discovery
A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an
office building, he saw an old woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.
Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"
discovery发现
hillbilly [hilbili]n.乡下人，乡巴佬 for the first time第一次 slide [slaid]v.滑动 elevator[eliveit?]n.电梯
blink [bli?k]vi.眨眼睛 drawl [dr?:l].慢吞吞地说
13.I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
be about to打算 signal信号，用信号指示 see to 注意，照料 attractive a.有吸引力的，引起注意的carriage车厢
14.Can't Get Out
This was to be the new blonde flight attendant's first overnight trip, so the Captain was showing her the best place for personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as he was preparing the crew for the day's flight, he noticed the new flight attendant was missing. Since he knew which hotel room she was staying in he called her to find out what had happened.
Crying, she answered the phone and said, "Help, I can't get out of the room!" "What do you mean, you can't get out of the room?" the Captain asked.
"Well I can only find three doors," she sobbed. "One is the bathroom, one is the closet and the other one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"
blonde [bl?nd]a.金发的 n.金发女子missing 失踪的
Since由于 attendant [??tend?nt]n.服务人员，侍者 personnel个人 sob抽泣
15.The Ugly Duckling
Long ago, in a farmyard many miles away, a Mother Duck sat on her nest. She was waiting for her eggs to hatch. Each day she proudly looked at them. There were six eggs, which meant six little ducklings to teach to swim.
One sunny spring morning, the first egg began to crack（破裂）.. \'Tap, tap, tap,\' went the duckling inside, trying to get out. Mother Duck watched as the egg cracked open and out popped（.突发砰的响声）
16.a fluffy([绒毛的) duckling.
"One," said Mother Duck proudly(骄傲地).
The next day, the second egg hatched（孵出） and out popped another fluffy duckling. "Two," said Mother Duck proudly.
On the third day, duckling number three hatched.
"That leaves just three," said Mother Duck.
On the fourth and fifth day, ducklings number four and five hatched.
"That leaves just one," said Mother Duck, as she settled（驻扎） on her nest. Her ducklings gathered（挤）around her.
But on the sixth day nothing happened. Nor on the seventh. "How strange," said Mother Duck on the seventh day. "It should have hatched by now."
One of the farmyard chickens wandered（散步） by.
"Oh," she said. "You\'re still there I thought you\'d be on the pond by now."
"It\'s this last egg," said Mother Duck. "It hasn\'t hatched yet." "Let me see," said the chicken. "Well no wonder（不奇怪）. It looks like a goose（鹅） egg to me. You\'ll be here for a long time."
"Oh dear," said Mother Duck. "I have my five little ducklings to teach to swim. What shall I do? I can\'t leave it."
"Aah well," said the chicken, and she wandered off.
The goose heard that one of her eggs was in Mother Duck\'s nest. "Is it true?" she asked, as she puffed（[p?f].喘气）up to the nest. "Do you have one of my eggs?"
"I think so," said Mother Duck. They both looked in the nest. "Huh," said the goose. "That\'s not mine. It looks more like that absent-minded turkey\'s egg."
As they looked, they suddenly heard the faint （[feint]微弱的） tapping. The shell was breaking.
"We\'ll soon see," said the goose.
They watched and waited. "Oh," said the goose.
"Oh, dear," said Mother Duck, as she looked at the sixth duckling. It looked most strange, it was straggly adj. 蔓延的七零八落的) and grey where its brothers and sisters were fluffy（绒毛的） and yellow. It was also bigger than them.
It quacked as it saw its mother.
"Well, if it\'s a turkey," said the goose, "it won\'t swim."
Mother Duck hurried her ducklings to the pond. She waddled（蹒跚） in and listened. Splash! Splish! Splosh! Splash! Splish! She turned
and looked. All six ducklings followed her in the water.
"Oh, well," she said. "He can swim. He is definitely not a turkey." The sixth duckling was very good at swimming, and was soon swimming better than his brothers and sisters.
Back at the farmyard, things did not go well for the little duckling. Everyone called him an ugly duckling. The chickens laughed at him, the turkeys chased（追逐） him and the geese hissed at him.
Soon even his brothers and sisters would not talk to him, but when his mother turned away, he was very sad. He decided to leave the farmyard.
One sunny morning, he walked out of the farmyard and didn\'t look back. He wandered away, looking for somewhere new to live.
When he\'d been walking a while he came to a large lake. There were some ducks swimming on it.
He swam up to them.
"May I stay on this lake?" he asked.
"Of course," said the ducks. "We\'ll be moving on soon. Why don\'t you join us, if you\'re on your own?"
"Thank you," said the duckling.
The duckling stayed on the lake and day by day he grew bigger. One day he looked up to see some large white birds flying gracefully（优美地） over the lake.
"They\'re beautiful," he whispered, and then sighed. "I wonder who they are?"
One day the ducks came to see him.
"It\'s autumn, and we\'re going now," they told him, "join us if you want to."
Some ducks began to fly up to leave, but suddenly loud bangs were heard. Two of the ducks fell from the sky. Others flew up in fright（惊恐）, and more fell as more bangs were heard.
The duckling ran and hid. He found a bush and stayed there until the noise had died down. When it was quiet he sadly left the lake and
headed away over the fields.
He came to another lake and there he stayed. Winter was coming and he was alone. As the days grew colder, he found that it was harder to find food.
The one morning he woke and found that he couldn\'t move. The lake had frozen and he was stuck in the ice. The day passed and the duckling was giving up hope of being found. But late in the afternoon a man walking his dog saw him. He broke the ice, and the duckling was free. He ran across the ice and hid. He didn\'t dare to go on the ice again.
Winter passed, spring came, and the ice melted.
The duckling stretched his wings and found that they were strong enough to carry him. He flew upon and over the lake, high above the trees and fields. He should have been very happy, but he was not because he felt so lonely.
A few days later, he looked up to see the large white birds he had seen in the autumn. They looked beautiful as they landed on the lake. The duckling admired([?d?mai?]vt.钦佩,羡慕) their glossy ( [?gl?si].光滑的) white feathers and long necks. He swam over to take a closer look at them.
"Please," he said shyly. "Will you tell me who you are. You are so beautiful and I am so ugly. I\'ve never seen anybody like you." "Ugly," cried one of the white birds. "How silly!"
"We\'re swans ([sw?n]天鹅)," said another. "Why do you think you\'re ugly? Look at yourself in the water."
The duckling looked and caught sight of his own reflection. He gasped
[gɑ:sp]喘气in surprise, for instead of seeing a fat, grey duckling he saw a swan with a long elegant ([?elig?nt]优美的) neck and a bright orange bill. "I\'m like you," he cried. "I\'m a swan, too."
"Definitely," said the swan, with a smile.
"Does that mean I can stay with you, and not live alone?"
"Of course," said the swans.
At that moment two children ran down to the lake. "Ooh, look!" they cried. "The swans are back and there\'s a new one, too. Isn\'t he beautiful!"
The ugly duckling stretched his neck and ruffled [?r?fl]弄皱 his feathers with pride.
Then it was time to go flying with all of the other swans and, as the duckling took off from the lake, he could see his new beautiful reflection in the water.
17.My servant will clean it
Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi.
One of the ladies said, 'Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing.'
'Yes,' said the other lady, 'and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.'
One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady, 'Can you see an ash tray in this taxi? There isn't one on my side.'
'No,' said the other, 'there isn't one on this side either. Driver! Where is the ashtray in this taxi? Why haven't you got one?'
The driver, who had heard everything the ladies had said, answered, 'Oh, just drop the ashes on the carpet--I have a servant who comes in and cleans three days in the week!
tip]n.小费 ought to aux. v.应当，应该
ashamed a.惭愧的，羞耻的，害臊的
tray ]n.盘，托盘，碟 carpet n.地毯
18.Johnny is busy now
It was half-past eight in the morning. The telephone rang and Mary went to answer it. 'Hello, who's that:' she asked. 'It's me--Peter.' Peter was a friend of Mary's eight-year-old brother, Johnny.
'Oh, hello, Peter. What do you want?' said Mary.
'Can I speak to Johnny?' 'No,' said Mary, 'you can't speak to him now. He is busy. He is getting ready for school. He is eating his breakfast. Grandmother is combing his hair. Sister is under the table, putting his shoes on. Mother is getting his books and putting them in his school bag. Goodbye, I've got to go now. I have to hold the door open. The school bus is coming.'
19.That man knows the future
Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden. While he was sawing, another man passed in the street. He stopped and said, 'Excuse with it.' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and
Nasreddin said nothing. He thought, 'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.'
The man continued on his way.
Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with
it.
'My God!' he cried. 'That man knows the future!' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live. But the man had gone.
branch n.树枝 saw n.锯 trunk n.树干
20.The elephant did it
A man was travelling abroad in a small red car. One day he left the car and went shopping. When he came back, its roof was badly damaged. Some boys told him that an elephant had damaged it. The man did not owner of the elephant said, 'I am very sorry! My elephant has a big, round, red chair. He thought that your car was his chair, and he sat on it!' Then he gave the man a letter, in which he said that he was sorry and that he would pay for all the damage. not believe his story. They said, 'You sold your new car while you were abroad and bought this old one!'
It was only when the man showed them the letter from the circus man that they believed him.
circus n.马戏，马戏团；
customs [a.海关的； n.关税
21.You'll soon get used to it?
An old man died and left his son a lot of money. But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course, when that happened, all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles. 'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man. 'What will happen to me now?'
'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.'
The young man was very glad. 'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin.
'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man. 'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.'
get used to=be used to 适应