大陆考生雅思满分作文赏析 （陈先忠）

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题目：

The traffic has become one of the major problems in the cities. Some people think that this problem can be solved by telecommuting from home. What is your opinion? Can you suggest others solutions?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. （每篇作文都有这个指令，请注意。）Write at least 250 words. 范文： today throughout the world has

morning and evening.

these days, such is not always

necessary because people can do these things from home. We can see this everyone had access to the technology and the

opportunity to work from home, it is unrealistic to think that everyone would want to. Even though the technology for working, studying or shopping on-line makes this option a possibility, nevertheless it would mean people had less freedom of choice and less social contact in their lives. This would Even though the technology for working, studying or shopping on-line made this option a possibility, nevertheless it would mean people would have less freedom of choice and less social contact in their lives. This would have a

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in our cities, it is most unlikely to be an acceptable solution. In terms of other solutions,

facilitating public transport and limiting private cars in our city

一、写作思路（1. 对比； 2. 辩证思维+角相关论证+重要的相关例证）

考生突破了国内学生所习惯的写作模板。仔细比较之后发现该考生破题关键处使用的句型基本都是剑桥雅思1和剑桥雅思2官方范文常用的句型（该考生20xx年参加雅思考试，可供参考的范文只有剑桥雅思前三册范文）。

主体段落首先是回应了”telecommuting from home”这种缓解交通压力的观点，肯定了其合理之处（这是符合人类知识和事实的）。写作时很注意”程度控制”，使用了”such is not always necessary”这种巧妙的处理方法。符合事实，同时为下文留下了论证空间。同时加以例证，满足雅思大作文要求的同时也增加了说服力，还增加了字数（LOL哈哈）。

第三段采用了议论文惯用的伎俩（体现了辩证思维）：指出其不合理之处。需要提醒大家的是：议论文的行文就像一场辩论赛，驳斥的是不合理之处并加以例证，目的就是说服别人。有很多人对人家观点的合理之处进行攻击，提出有违人类常识的论调，这着实没有必要。因为你很难说服读者。

最后一段既是结尾又顺便回答了考题的另外一个问题，做到全面回应考题，不遗漏要点（fully and appropriately answer all parts of the question）。

需要特别指出的是：这篇作文每一段只有三句话，分别体现了the ideas are

relevant(中心句与主题相关), developed（拓展） and supported（如，例证）。最后一点体现作者的立场是clear and effective。

二、Coherence and Cohesion

全文的各处连接没有致命问题。思路清晰，观点明确。

1. 这篇作文体现了critical thinking(辩证思维)。Ideas 衔接过渡自然. (The information and ideas, including paragraphing, are well organized and presented.)

2.The information is linked.

三、Lexical Resources（与交通直接相关词汇如下）

traffic in cities、the number of vehicles on our roads、the amount of pollution they cause、travelling for work, study or shopping purposes、the rush hours we experience、daily commuting、reduce the traffic problems、facilitating public transport and limiting private cars in our city 2

centers、not road-based、sky trains or subways、reduce jams on our roads

词汇使用比较灵活，虽无大词难词，但是完成任务足够。关键是使用准确到位，没有明显的缺陷。

关于词汇替换：这个是学员很纠结的地方，总觉得自己的词汇量不大，大词难词掌握的少。其实大不必担心，也不必无谓地使用那些无关紧要的词。读者有阅读预期，议论文写作词汇的灵活性主要体现在与主题相关词汇的使用。一些功能词汇，有把握才使用替换词以避免重复。

四、Grammatical Range and Accuracy

句子结构的变化和语法的精确度是很多同学应该学习的地方。

每一段三句话，全文四段共12句话，短短的260词（含标点）却令人惊讶地展现了英语句型的各种变化。尤其是前四句，分别使用了：主从复合句（含名词性从句中的主语从句）、简单句、并列复合句（含形容词性从句即定语从句）、主从复合句（含名词性从句中的主语从句）+副词性从句！

短短四句话，尽情使用了英语中几乎全部的句子结构和主从复合句中全部的从句类型！ 当然了，该文也有一些语法瑕疵，比如：

1/Probably the traffic problem is due to individuals 并列的三处应使用 V-ing 式

2/We can see this in the options Information Technology gives us today.没必要大写信息技术首字母

3/Even though the technology for working, studying or shopping on-line makes this option a possibility, nevertheless it would mean people had less freedom of choice and less social contact in their lives. This would have a

这句虚拟语气使用不当，应该改成：

Even though the technology for working, studying or shopping on-line made this option a possibility, nevertheless it would mean people would have less freedom of choice and less social contact in their lives. This would have a

当然了，这些错误在考官看来可能并不影响交流质量，也没扣分。从中看出雅思考官看重的是交流质量。

整体看，本文12句话的句子结构均比较复杂，句子也较长，远远超出了大陆考生的语法应用水平。建议大家在语法上多下功夫，切实地提高语言基本功。切莫浮躁。

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第二篇：一篇雅思满分作文

Some conclud that college students should bear expenses for their higher leaaring on the generalization that college garduates usually receive higher lalaries for similar jobs than those without a college degree .We cannot deny that higher lever of education ,indeed, does associate with better income .Still ,built on such the fact alone ,the conclusion remains questionable when more aspects are taken into consideration .

The whole argument in question rests on an assumption that it is always the case that people with higher education make more money than those less well—educated.But salary or income is ,in most cases ,based on contributions made by employees to companies or organizitions in which they are employed. Statistics in the market indicate that pelope with professional training tend to find jobs easier than college graduates do and that blue—collar workers who do not have college degrees are becoming the hotties in the market.Employers prefer to hire pay more to highly skilled and specially trainde pelope rather than fresh college graduates.In the auto industry ,for instance, skilled technicians make two or three times more than their collge—educated couterparts who make the average salaries in other companies.And it is wildely acceptted that pelope’s income is determined more by talent, hard work ,and willingness to take risks solely by certain qualifications such as collge education.Otherwise , the unemployment rate of collge graduates would not be increasing every year and the rule of supply and demand will lose much of power in controlling the labor market.Admettedly in some knowledge extensive fields such as rearshing ,teaching ,and practice of law the labor force are primarily consisted of highly educated professionals.But such pelope make up only a fraction of the labor maket and thus unpresentive of the whole employment in general .

Considering the goal of education ,we find that it is even more problematic for the responsibility of financing college education to college students.The goal of education of a nation is to improve and strengthen the general level of intellectual and professional capacity of its labor force ,thereby increasing the competency of the nation in the global economy .As tax payers . parents all contribute to the education system and country in various ways .It is only reasonable and necessary that the country gives some forms of financially assistance to students to ease the burden of rising education costs.Such help should go to not only students from needy or impoverished families but also outstanding students from affluent backgrounds.Doing so can significantly boost the motivation of children from millions of families to engage in higher level of study.It is understandable that the general quality of pelope in a coutry will improve and its economy will benefit both now and in years to follow .

If the buden of supporting children’s higher education is dumped on parents and students ,thousands of brilliant students will be deprived of chances to purse their academic inspiration.Among those who dsufer would definitely be future great scientists,business managers,aritists and statesman .The loss will be

disastrous anf irreversible.