PERSONAL STATEMENT出国留学个人陈述

时间:2024.3.20

PERSONAL STATEMENT

When I was in middle school, I have been a representative to take part in Barcelona World Peace Forum. During that period, I have been in touch with many people from every corner of the world. It was the first time that I felt the collision and melding of different culture, which broadened my horizon and offered me a more global vision. In the meantime, an idea to study overseas to understand different culture and engage in a different academic environment came into my mind.

E-commerce interests me a lot because it is an interdisciplinary subject which is the combination of Information Technology and Business Management. It is also a very promising career. Nowadays, commercial and trading activities become more and more dependent on information technology, and a simple management theory cannot adapt to a highly developed society. I believe that management theory should develop on the support of information technology, which is the reason I choose E-commerce as my major.

In the university, I have learnt many professional courses related to E-commerce, such as C Language, Higher Mathematics, Management and so on. The learning process included two steps. The first was the fundamental courses and the second was comprehensive courses. These courses made me understand the history, current status and developing trend of E-commerce. It also gave me many opportunities to apply knowledge to practice so that I can become more capable. Taking Management Information System as an example, it made me understand how Information Technology improved the efficiency of Management. As part of the course, I have analyzed the CRM and SCM system in a company and designed a B2C catering web shop based on Porter's Five Forces Model and SWOT model, which was highly praised by my teacher.

As I am very interested in E-commerce, I have been studying very hard in class and spare time. I can grasp the key point very quickly and research into the professional knowledge very deeply. After class, I always reviewed courses in library and discussed with my teacher about the research tendency. Before the final exam, my study plan was to classify the knowledge into several parts and summarize the key point into a note, which improved my understanding to the course. Therefore, I always ranked top in my major. I was the top 3 out of 78 students and my GPA was

3.64 out of 4.

I knew that the knowledge learnt in the classroom was far from enough, so I was very active to take part in extracurricular activities. I have been awarded many scholarships and excellent student award. I was the plan designer of my team when participating in 6th “Challenge Cup” College Students Business Plan Competition. During the time of altering our plan, I have understood many related theories of management and

E-commerce and made many friends who were all very professional in the field of Finance and Accounting. I also participated in SHUFE Social Research: Thousand Villages Programme to research the medical insurance, income and labour force in countryside and concluded the survey into a thesis. These experiences have trained my communication skill and the ability to seek and analyze information. After doing the part-time job as a trainee in Huaxia Duns & Bradstreet Business Information Consulting Co., Ltd, I became more familiar with the application of information system to enterprise and knew how the information technology improved the efficiency in an enterprise, which benefited me very much.

After 4-year study and training in university, I have been more professional in the field of E-commerce. In my opinion, the security problem and sustainable development problem should be firstly solved. The undergraduate knowledge I have learnt is not enough for me to solve many problems which I have met. I want to absorb experience and knowledge in a developed country so that I can consider problems from a higher point and solve them in a sighted view in my future career, so I decide to apply for a postgraduate programme to advance my knowledge. After careful consideration, I choose to study in the UK for postgraduate programme without hesitation as it is a mild country. And to my knowledge, your university enjoys a very high academic reputation and comfortable environment in UK, even in the world. So it is the place where I want to advance myself and realize my ambition.

As William Ernest Henley said “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”, I know clearly what I want to do and how I can contribute to the field of E-commerce. I want to research into the developed field of information technology in E-commerce, such as Data Mining and Group Decision Support System. I also want to strengthen my ability to utilize informative system, for example, EPR system and Oracle system to combine theory with practice. I think the study in your university will undoubtedly fulfill my ambition. It will be very appreciated if you can give my application a favorable consideration.


第二篇:个人陈述写作指导


本帖最后由 米粒 于 2012-8-8 20:47 编辑

基本原则

一、保持真实性

明星需要包装,你也需要包装自己得到录取委员会的认可,但是这个包装绝对不是小品《如此包装》里面的巩汉林包装赵丽蓉。你的留学申请文书描写的人必须看起来是一个真实的人,而不是一个能背下百科全书的全才。

二、回答问题

在录取要求中,有些学校对个人陈述是有要求的,比如叫你回答以下几个问题等等,所以在写作过程中,你一定不能忽略这些问题,在整篇个人陈述中要融有这些问题的答案。

三、听从指导

比如有些学校会限定字数范围,这个时候你最好遵守,无论他们的要求是什么,都按照他们的要求去做,因为留学委员会的老师在留学书中提出这些要求都是有原因的。

四、写出特点

每个人的生活都大同小异,但是每个人又有独具特色的一面,如果你写出自己的特色,你就是一个独特的,没有人能够模仿的人,同时你的个人陈述也会激发读者的阅读兴趣。

五、细节支持

再次强调,留学个人陈述中不要有那么多的虚词和空洞的内容,一定要有细节去支撑你想突出的主题。把一个事物具体化,这样不仅内容充实,有细节,也容易让别人相信,觉得这个事情是真的。

六、抓住他们的眼球

每个留学委员会的老师会阅读每一篇个人陈述,因为这是他们的职责,如何在众多文书中吸引他们的眼球,让他们留下深刻印象?抓住老师眼球你就成功了一半,独特的开头和结尾,吸引人的细节描述比起虚词更能抓住他们的眼球。

七、遵守Deadline

如果所申请的美国大学规定申请文书要在11月15日到达,那你一定要在这个期限之前把文书展现在他们眼前,好好准备并及时交稿,千万不要拖拉。

八、用心排版

格式要让别人看起来舒服,比如用Times new roman字体, 小四字号,行距1.5倍,整体版面不要太花哨。字体不要太小,行距也要恰当,不然阅读者没有耐心看下去。

九、不要有语法错误

不管任何情况,都不要出现语法错误,这是最基本的。

十、对自己有信心

信心是成功的源泉,不管怎么样,都要相信自己是最好的!

总而言之,要塑造一个符合对方观点,同时由真实而立体的形象。因为外国大学从不缺乏优秀的申请者:成绩极高者、奥赛获奖者、专利申请者、体育和文艺特长生,学校社团和机构领导者比比皆是。

并不是说学校不重视他们的成绩、成就和奖项,而是学校更希望了解到,学生们会怎样定位自己的“优秀”,除了自己的优秀之处,他们是否关注其它社会议题,是否对待生活有着深入的思考,是否对自己在经历中的成长和收获有着清晰的认识。

一篇打动人心的留学个人陈述,能够让学校看到留学申请者实实在在的形象:这个学生很真诚,或是这个学生的经历真有意思,我很想邀请他到校园里面,了解更多有关他的其它想法和经历。

基本步骤:

一:搜集想法

在写作留学个人陈述时,可以使用多种方式搜集想法:形象灵感,列单子,头脑风暴等。

1. 你是谁?你是一个怎么样的人?

2. 你有什么样的优点和缺点?哪些优点你认为对留学申请有利?为什么有利?哪些缺点你认为是毙命的?

3. 你印象最深刻的一件事情?

4. 你最有成就感的一件事?

5. 你经历最大的挫折是什么?如何度过的?有什么感想或收获?

6. 你现在最想做的事情是什么?

7. 回忆你最喜欢的一件物品,它对你有什么样的影响和意义?

8. 你的老师是怎么样评价你的?朋友怎么样评价你的?家长怎么样评价你的?

9. 你最重要的课外活动和社区活动是什么?

10. 这个外国名校为什么要录取你?

11. 你的职业目标是什么?

12.为什么申请这个专业留学?

13. 你将能为这个外国名校带来什么?

14.你对现在所学专业或者将要学习的专业有什么样的认识和看法?

……

二:精简想法

通过以上方法,相信在写作留学申请文书时很多内容会在脑海中出现,比如目标,重要经历,个人优势等等,我们要把大量想法精简,找出最能表现自己的。这时必须找出一个主题,这个主题不仅得将自己的个性特征与经历完美融合形成一个连贯整体,还要表达对进入这所外国名校的强烈愿望。

审理留学申请材料的也是一个正常人,也会疲惫,如何给一个每天阅读50-100份类似文稿的人留下一个持久的印象并非易事,这就要求你的文章必须精简,有想法,有主题,不能把所有你认为优秀的东西都列在上面,必须有所删减。在删减过程中要注意:你选的主题是否有利于突出你个人的价值?有没有具体的事例以能更生动描述你的经历?你的主题有噱头吗?你的主题是不是留学申请表上一些内容的简单重复?文章中有支持主题的段落吗?你能完整回答提出的问题吗?能在限定的次数内充分表达你的观点吗?你的主题会牵扯到许多其他人吗?例如信奉上帝,民主党或共和党……争议性的东西最好不要出现在这些主题中。

三:搜索细节

精简想法,把主题确定下来以后,你要仔细搜索关于这些主题的细节,越详细越好!这些细节要有力支撑你的主题。人们都不喜欢空头话,都不喜欢虚的东西。只有细节撑腰,事实做主,写出来的东西才有真实性,才能打动人。在搜索细节的过程中,你就可以计划这个细节

适合放在什么地方。

四:创建结构和提炼大纲 主题确定了,细节想好了,结构和大纲自然就出来了。这主要想说一下开头和结尾。开头千万不要写我是谁谁,来自哪,想申请贵校什么专业。这样的开头方式太过于开门见山,无任何特色可言。有特色的开头是成功的一半,能让读者有继续看下去的念头。制造一个悬念,创造一个情境等等,都是不错的开头方式。结尾部分也很重要,留学申请材料审核者今天心情不好,可能不看你中间部分的内容,但肯定也会看你开头和结尾部分,所以一个好文章,不仅要有吸引人的开头,也要一个给人留下印象深刻的结尾。

五:初稿及修改

提纲是初稿的根据,往提纲里头加入细节和内容,初稿就出来了。初稿完成以后,先休息两天,过两天再回头看看你写的文章,再回归到最原始的问题。

1. 文章能不能很好表现你自己?

2. 文章的开头和结尾是否真的吸引人?是否能给人留下深刻印象?

3. 文章是否有明确的主题?所有内容是否围绕这个主题?

4. 文章有详细细节支撑吗?

5. 文章有语法错误吗?

6. 我能写的再好一点吗?

留学个人陈述初稿修改一遍之后,可以给家长,同学,朋友或者老师看看,让他们提出详细意见,结合他们的建议再次修改。这样重复几遍,相信这是一篇好文章!

注意事项

个人陈述,(PERSONAL STATEMENT,以下简称PS)是申请美国,加拿大,英国等西方国家的大学/研究生录取时由申请人写的关于自我的一篇漫谈体文章。当然有的学校要求的文章题目不一定叫PERSONAL STATEMENT,如有的学校让你写出动机(Motivation)兴趣,经历等。由于在中国的升学体制中,基本上是唯分数论的,因此中国的申请人对这类文件的写作和思维方式不熟悉。而欧美大学录取学生,发放奖学金,是通过全面综合考察申请者的条件来决

定的。所谓留学文书,如PS,推荐信,RP(Research proposal),CV等是一套文件系统,用以向录取院校从各个角度展现您的求学动机,学术学习能力,工作和研究经历,结合一系列更“客观”,可量化的指标:如GRE,TOEFL,IELTS,GPA等构成您的全貌。留学文书在西方的文化背景下是申请入学(奖学金)的极为重要的组成部分。其中PS往往对您的申请是否成功起到很大的作用。笔者在为数百计的申请人进行留学文书的咨询和写作过程中发现,由于中西方教育体制的差异和网上各种良莠不齐的“范文“的误导,许多申请人的PS写作理念非常混乱,本文结合中国申请人文书写作的常见弊端,简述PS的写作要领。

PS的长度

在欧美,PS归为ESSAY(漫谈)类,是一种短小精悍的文体。笔者曾深入研究过欧美出版的优秀PS文选,无不短小精悍,内容却非常丰满,文笔优美。一般来说一篇PS的正常长度为600—800英文单词,而相当多的中国申请人的PS超长。笔者甚至见到某些人的PS写到3千多字。

很多中国申请人试图把自己的方方面面的优点和成绩展示出来,须知PS不是简历的详细补充,许多信息可以通过其它文件展示(如学习成绩等)。美国大学的招生人员曾谈到:在留学申请旺季时,面对堆积如山的文件,一般他们审查一个PS的时间只有2、3分钟,那种长篇大论类的PS只能让人心生厌烦。

PS必须紧扣所要申请那个专业的主题写,主线要明确,不要盲目的个性化

许多人都一知半解地听说PS需要“独特个性”(unique),和“煽情”(Emotional),因此挖空心思地找自己的“独特“点和乱“煽情“,结果往往南辕北辙,许多中国申请人往往用大段篇幅写一些不相干的个性,在招生者眼中,这完全不着边际(make no sense)。必须明确,PS这样一篇短短数百字的文章是没有地方去说不相干的废话的。通过PS您必须让招生者知道您选择该专业的明确和强烈的动机,同时具备充分的条件完成该专业的学习。当然在这个基础上每个人都可以通过很独特而有个性的文字来表达自己。如笔者曾经修改过一份申请CS(计算机专业)的PS,原文用了数百字描述他如何开展班级工作的经历。笔者将其改为:我喜欢思考,如何让事物运转得更有效率。在大学期间我担任班级文艺委员职务。在工作初期,成员经常因为性格、工作方式各异产生矛盾。后来我根据每个人情况,让性格外向,善于与人交际的人做外联及工作将协调沟通的工作;让善于思考、思维活跃、勇于创新的人做各项工作的筹备及策划工作;让有远见、有凝聚力的人做整个工作的进度安排、及分配各项任务。这样安排的结果是系统发挥了最佳效率。既突出了个性,又紧扣申请CS专业应具有的严谨的系统思维能力这一重要素质体现了出来。

结构简单,衔接紧密,主线明确,便于理解

“Simple is the best”请记住,招生人员每天要读大量的申请资料,只有那种简单有力重点突出的的文章才能打动招生人员。留学文书其实是您个人的广告,您仔细想想,给您留下深刻印象的广告哪个不是简明而有力的?中国申请人往往倾向于把自己的优点不分主次全都告诉招生人员,导致的结果就是招生人员对您的整体印象的模糊。笔者认为,PS中什么都是重点,就等于没有重点。

精心安排PS和其它文件的关系

如上所述,PS,推荐信,简历等文件构成一整套申请文件系统,既需要相互应证,也需要这些文件各有侧重点。因此在写作这些文件之前必须总体构思安排文章的布局和每个文件突出的重点。许多申请人将本该由简历或推荐信突出的内容放在PS中,这样不但造成信息的无效重复,同时弱化了PS应起的作用。

语言表达层面上一定要用地道的英语

中国人自己读得很顺的英语往往是按中文的语言逻辑写成的“中式英语”,不但会大大削弱您想表达的意思,产生误解,而且会让招生人员看起来很枯燥无味(DULL).有些申请人,特别是考过GRE的申请人,用词句式过于夸张,古怪,不符合英语的思维习惯和文风。这种中国学院英语,其实经常让外国教授难以理解或是看后笑得前仰后合。完成的文件最好由母语人士进行修改。 (实习编辑:顾萍)

和我国的学生不同,国外的学生在写作PS时,一般都喜欢写一些个人的故事,关于自己学习研究方面的内容,则常放在Resume里面。这是英语国家的人对PersonalStatement的理解造成的。我们并不一定要按照国外的定义来承袭他们的写作风格。何也?事实胜于雄辩。在十多年的辅导经历中,我见到过许多成功的PS,作者在其中都强调了自己学习和科研方面的能力,或者是学术方面的成长过程。这种和国外学生完全不同的写作方式得到了对方教授的认可,否则他们便不会被给予全额奖学金。

但是我们在任何时候都不要忘了PersonalStatement 的本义。所谓

Personal,顾名思义,就是要求申请者写出自己的个性或者是个人特色来。作为出国材料的重中之重,你的任务就是要通过这一信件反映出你的个性。

要想写出一篇好的、具有个性化的PS是有一定的方法的,在我看来,具体应该分成如下几个步骤:

第一步:Reflection(反思)。所谓“反思”,就是要回顾自己的整个人生经历或者学习生涯,比如从小学、高中、大学直到现在(一般来说,PS只要写出自己大学阶段的经历就可以了),自己有哪些与众不同之处。我们反思的目的

就是要找出自己身上的闪光点——比如说有什么特殊的兴趣或者是独特的经历,自己有哪些比较独特的个性等等。

到新东方学习GRE的同学都习惯于追求一种共性,因为只有在听从老师所告诉你的共性的规律的时候,你才可能用这种共性的方法来破解ETS的标准化考试的规律,从而取得高分。但是,我们在写PS的时候却应走一种与前面的考试截然相反的道路。在一篇PS中,一定要写出自己的个性、自己的特色来,只有这样,你才会在众多的申请材料中脱颖而出,让对方的教授一下子记住你,然后在集体讨论的时候推荐你。切记:“独特性”是写作PS的生命。

每年我国达到GRE的平均分数线,并获得基本资格的申请人数特别多——实际上对于国内申请者的真正的考验是个性化的陈述。你要通过生动的个人陈述向他们展示你就是他们所需要的“这一个”。不要写那些共性的东西,尽管共性的东西写起来比较容易,但他对你有百害而无一利。

我国的申请者大致都拥有相同的背景,都是大学毕业,都是二十一、二岁,并具有大致相同的GRE成绩,希望到美国等一些最发达的国家进一步深造。然而这几乎是人所共知的事实,都是共性的东西,丝毫体现不出你的个性来。如果你在PS里,自鸣得意地告诉对方毕业于中国的什么名牌大学,以为对方教授会由此而对你刮目相看,这多半是梦想,说了也白说。除了个别院校由于招收的中国学生很多,对中国的大学有所了解以外,其他很多学校对国内大学的排行情况实在知之甚少。

我这里再举几个我在日常咨询时所接触到的反面例子,以说明什么内容是不具备“独特性”的。很多申请者在谈到自己出国深造的动机时,常常会说“是为了获取更多的知识”。这等于废话。为什么呢?因为任何人进一步深造都会获取更多的知识。不要说出国学习能够获得更多的知识,实际上在家看电视也能获得更多的知识。更糟糕的是,有的申请者竟然说中国学生都喜欢出国,所以自己也要出国。也许这是一个事实,但是你没有展现出除此之外你还有哪些个人的理由。一个读MBA的同学在essay中写到,他出去读书的目的是为了挣很多的钱。这种回答是不合适的,因为想挣很多钱是绝大多数人的共同愿望。你至少要说出“想挣很多钱”的理由或背景跟别人有什么不一样,都一样的东西你就不要再说了。这就好像在炎热的夏天,你穿了一件美丽的红裙子,心怀欢喜地走在大街上,满以为会赢得行人的瞩目,结果发现,满街走着的都是穿红裙子的姑娘。

在一篇PS中,我们应该用心地追溯自己的个人历史,努力找出自己的闪光点。那么,如何才能找出自己身上的闪光点呢?以我自己为例,我获得学位后,在一家会计师事务所从事贷款申请咨询,就是代理信件,或者是针对银行提供的各种服务写一些服务指南类的宣传性小册子分发给小企业。后来我回国到了新东方,从事的就是英文写作,指导别人如何写出合格的申请信而获取到奖学金。俞

敏洪就说,你以前的工作就是帮助别人写信要钱,新东方就需要你这样的人,因为新东方有大批的人,通过了语言考试却不知道怎样写申请材料以获得奖学金。所以通过老俞的点拨,我反思了一下自己的一生:哦,原来我拥有这么一个技能啊!我多年的努力竟然有这么一个结果。这就是我的闪光点,虽然听上去比较可笑。

写PS就某种意义而言类似于写新闻特写,在有限的篇幅内,通过精心的构思和生动的描述,使自己的形象栩栩如生、神采奕奕地跳将出来,从而在对方作为读者的教授们的脑海里,定格、扩大,等到评审委员会的成员集中在一起讨论诱人的奖学金“花落谁家”的时候,你才会作为他们心仪的“这一个”,成为奖学金得主。我们知道,在世界文学的人物画廊里,任何能够占据一席之地的人物形象都拥有着自己独特而鲜明的个性。无论是文学作品的写作还是PS的写作,都是要给读者留下深刻的印象。

当然,PS的写作毕竟没有必要像写文学作品那样处处都要匠心独具,在叙述的同时,还要追求一些修辞或其他写作方法使其摇曳多姿,比如运用一些比喻或者是蒙太奇等等。在一篇PS中,我们只需用准确而朴实的语言表现出自己的独特性所在即可,注意:切忌在PS中玩弄文字,任何玩弄文字的人都注定会出力不讨好 。

现在来谈PS写作的第二步:Positioning(定位)。所谓定位,具体在一篇PS里,就是说申请者如何在经过第一阶段的反思之后确定出比较能够体现自己独特性所在的个人形象。我们可以用车来举例说明这个问题。比如说本田这种车,在国外一般是中产阶级开的,而宝马在国外则被定位为高档车,一般适用于一些比较有钱的专业人士,比如说律师或者是医生们;而奔驰则专门定位给那种最有财富的企业老板们。准确的定位对于成功的进行PS写作至关重要,它有助于你根据自己的性别、年龄、所学的专业来进行材料的选择。例如,如果你是一个年纪比较大的男性,已经三十多岁,打算去读博士,你写的东西就应该更稳重一些,更多侧重于自己的科研能力、团队精神等等;假如你是一个二十多岁的小女孩,刚刚大学毕业,学的是文科,——由于美国、加拿大的文科院校一般都希望申请者来自不同的专业,——那么在这种情况下,如果你再浓墨重彩地渲染自己的专业成绩有多么好就没有必要了。这时你就可以多写一些个人的东西,比如说表现一下自己的潜在才能,写一些自己的理想和抱负等等。新东方的同学一般称这种类型的写作为“煽情”式写作,其实不是说煽情,而是说更具个性化。

在经过前一阶段认真的反思,找到自己准确的定位之后,我们就该进入PS写作的第三步了,这就是确立文章的主题。像文学作品的写作一样,PS写作的主题应该准确鲜明,切忌审题不清,东一榔头西一棒子的瞎侃,这样的结果只会让读者如坠雾中,不知所云。

曾经有一个小女孩,是学老挝语的,打算到美国读“政治科学”。因为没有经过很好的反思找到自己的闪光点,所以初稿没有写好。我刚才讲了,社会科学类别的院系,不要求你本科所学为相同专业,他们更喜欢申请者来自不同的专业以呈现出生员的多样化。但是这个小女孩不懂这一点,她硬往所申请的专业上夸张,讲自己经过四年阅读TimeMagazine,(《时代周刊》,美国的一家新闻周刊而非学术杂志),懂了很多国际关系方面的知识,其中最重要的一条就是她发现中美关系特别重要。这种写法其实是非常搞笑的,因为国外的教授并不需要你对Politicalscience有什么精深的了解,他本来就是要在将来教授你这些东西的,你只要表现出自己在该领域或专业有一定的潜力和资质就足够了。

在咨询过程中,我促使这位同学进行一番认真的思考。结果她发现自己的最大特色是很有语言天赋和交流能力,于是在重新写作PS时,她的第一句话就是:“我是语言障碍的推土机”,第二句话她接着写的是,“我不能容忍别人不理解我,或者我不理解别人,我总是要伸出我的双手去欢迎我周围的人”。这个小女孩的实际情况是这样的:由于她父母经常要更换工作,工作地点常常是从福建到广东来回变动,于是她得以遍历我国方言最为艰涩难懂的两个南方地区,后来她发现自己每到一个新的地方,很快就能够学会当地的方言,由于没有语言障碍,她也很容易结交到朋友,她特别需要有朋友。这位同学在学校的生活也非常活跃,比如她曾经作为义工到怀柔参加了世界妇女代表大会,虽然她只是在那儿干些扫地之类的差事,可是她由此而获得了聆听来自世界各国具有不同文化背景的杰出妇女畅谈她们对于妇女解放等的观点和看法,自己的知识面由此而丰富了很多。在大学时,她曾经热情地帮助外国留学生如何去适应中国的社会和文化生活。

通过反思,这位同学发现自己很有语言天赋,性格特征则属于比较活泼热情型的。于是她就把自己定位为一个热情活泼的年轻女性。最后她确定了一个主题,这个主题就是语言是交流的工具,她怎样克服语言障碍与人交流,而且是与杰出的人交流、与不同文化背景的人交流。通过这些,她又怎样使自己的知识和思想变得越来越丰富,这样她的全篇PS就符合了我刚才说的三个步骤。

目前我国很多申请者的写作常常是没有主题。正如我在前面所说,他们误以为写自述都应该是一个套路,即在第一段写自己的学习情况,第二段写自己的课外生活,第三段则写自己如何要为建设祖国奋斗云云,几个部分之间没有一个有机的联系。许多申请者把各个部分都用黑体字、大标题分开,这些标题也通常是那种令人哭笑不得的豪言壮语,而且千篇一律。常见的有Torise where you have fallen(在哪儿跌倒就在哪儿爬起),Believe inyourself. You can doit(相信你自己,你就有能力)。这都是国外幼儿园小孩的水平,青年知识分子不应该总是把这些口号抄来抄去,这种方法是不好的。当然也有分成小标题写的,能够获得全额奖学金,不是那么绝对。我个人更喜欢的写作方式是从头到尾有一个主题,一气呵成。

我再举一个主题紧紧围绕闪光点的好例子。这个同学三十多岁,在国家经济信息局工作。他的第一句话是:我是中国一个最掌握经济信息的人——一个大胆的宣言。他接着说,这是因为我的工作所造成的,我在国家经济信息局工作,我国的国家领导人,从总理到部长,他们在制定重大经济决策的时候,常常参考我们所提供的各种各样的分析报告;我为什么能够做这样的工作呢,因为我有出色的分析问题的能力。他把个人的才干在文章一开头就很吸引人地提了出来。第二段就开始倒叙,讲了他从大学一直到研究生,在各阶段的学习期间是怎样培养以及展现自己这种所谓的惊人的分析能力的。他通过反思找到了自己的与众不同的特点,然后把自己很好的定位,确立自己的形象,然后确定主题,全文的所有内容自然都围绕这个主题。

我们平常谈恋爱找对象,绝对不会说是个女的就行了,或者说不缺胳膊断腿的就行了——除非你是个对生活极其不负责任或者特别绝望的人。我们都希望对方能找到喜欢我们自己的地方,希望他们经过仔细地观察,觉得她在众多的男人当中就喜欢你这个男人,我们要有这种感觉。很多学校也希望你不仅仅是为了出国留学而随便选个学校。

当然这一项并不是一定要求的。如果对这个学校没有进行过什么研究,那就不要写下面这段话,什么你们学校有一流的师资(mostseasoned faculty),有一流的设备(first classfacilities),有一切为学生服务的精神(catering to students’needs),还有你们很注重多元化(diversity)等等。所有的学校都声称有这些特点,因此你把这些对方印在介绍手册上的话再抄一遍,只不过是占用了篇幅而已。

托尔斯泰曾经说过:“幸福的家庭都是一样的,不幸的家庭却各有各的不幸”这句脍炙人口的名言,具体到我们的PS写作,我总结演绎出了一个与之相反的结论:不好的PS的文章都是千篇一律的,好的PS的文章却各有各的风格。对于一篇PS来说,我们很难具体定论说什么样的文章就是好的,但是至少有一点可以肯定:只要文章的语言基本不错,个性鲜明,并且突破了新东方学生常见的写作死公式,这样的PS的申请结果往往不会错。

下面我来谈谈一篇PS的长度问题。在我看来,一篇比较合格的PS,用我们现在通常所用的A4纸和五号字来衡量,大概一页半就足够了。你也许会感到奇怪,这种说法似乎有点死板,为什么不能够写两页或者说更长呢?首先从经验上来说,根据我多年来所接触的大量的咨询案例,我发现那些获得全奖的申请者,他们所写的PS一般都是这个长度。其实这个不难理解,对于我们来说,如果写得太长,你很难保证你的PS在写到两页以上时还保持内容的趣味性,如我刚才所言,那些负责录取的教授们都很忙,而这时如果你所写的内容抓不住他们的注意力的话,他在心生厌倦之余便会把你的PS扔到一边,你所有的申请就算白废

了。可是如果写得太短,比如说一页以内,我们又很难展现出自己的才华,对于自己的经历、抱负或者有关你的其他信息,由于篇幅的限制,你很难说得明白。所以,根据通常情况,一页半应该说是一篇比较不错的PS的合适的长度。

基本例子

硕士申请文书点评——文书单刀直入的意义和先修课的重要性

Sample PS_ MPH

Personal Statement

Academic Program: Epidemiology M.P.H.

“Get out of here and never come back!” Forcefully pushed out of the pub, I sat down against a nearby wall to scrub the dust off my shoes and regain my composure. My pride was wounded, not because of the way they treated me, but because they did not believe what I told them. It was the second time I had been forced out of this particular pub, a place for gay gathering. This is part of my research project “Health education model of preventing HIV/AIDS based on employer-employee

relationships”, which I was working on. I believed that in order to effectively prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS, employers, who are on the top of business pyramid, should be first in line to know the disease well, because they can leverage the sufficient resources necessary to exert great influence on the disease prevention within their enterprises. This approach fits the circumstances in China particularly well.

In face of this frustration, I didn’t give up trying. Before the start of the project, the local center for disease control and prevention had already counted the fifth reported case of AIDS virus infection, who later acknowledged that he had once provided sex service in that club or dated his homosexual partner. The

devastating consequences if no intervention would be taken obliged me to try other means. Working as a team, three friends joined my endeavor and we handed out brochures outside the pub that introduced HIV/AIDS preventive measures with the

elaborately-designed slogan “We understand you by showing our care to you!” Eventually, our persistence had been well paid off. Our respect of their personal

choice melted the toughness of the owner of the club and he agreed to give a hand in sending the information to his employees and clients.

点评1:前两段基本上都在讲自己为了宣传防艾滋遇到的困难,没有涉及到太深的专业领域,不是十分单刀直入,语句不是十分非常简练。但是,传达了具体MPH 专业方向,这一点值得赞扬。很多申请者因为研究经历太多样化而不能确定明确的方向。而,这篇PS一开始就确定了目标,这一点非常好。

My name is Yuan, Chen. I grew up in a Nanjing family, where my mother is a senior experimentalist at the Key Lab of Reproductive Medicine of Jiangsu Province. Because of her profession, our daily communication inevitably touched on health-related issues like health care, disease control and prevention. She showed me the importance of public health and its impact on all aspects of human well-being. I was so intrigued by what my mother had devoted her life to that I made up my mind to follow her footprint. My aspirations eventually led me to the School of Public Health at Nanjing Medical University.

点评2:家庭因素在PS写作中永远是一个重要的切入点,这篇PS也不例外。

During my years of college study, I was recognized for my academic performance and awarded with scholarships multiple times. Driven by curiosity and a desire to enrich myself, I have come out top in my undergraduate class for four straight years. Absolutely, college study is not only a matter of getting perfect scores in the class, as I understand. Since my sophomore year, I began to work on research projects at the Key Lab of Modern Toxicology of Ministry of Education, which consists mainly of graduate students. I detected the effects of pyrethroids (permethrin,

cypermethrin, fenvalerate) and their major metabolite 3-phenoxybenzoic acid on rat sperm motility in vitro with a computer-assisted sperm analysis (CASA) system and then published two papers in English. The research work proved to be especially rewarding. It provided an opportunity for me to apply what I had learned in the classroom so that I gained a deeper understanding of it. But it also armed me with strong computer skills and laboratory techniques.

The direct impact of public health on our society makes it not only an academic subject, but also a social issue. Instilling a healthy life style concept in the community through promotion of healthy habits is as important as conducting research. Upon this comprehension, I took part in the Red Ribbon Peer Association of my university, an organization which aims to bring HIV/AIDS peer education to the public, and to help find treatment for those in need.

AIDS is a very sensitive topic that people are very reluctant to publicly discuss in China, due to the innate conservatism of Chinese culture. Government also avoids talking about it by blaming lack of information. Gradually, the disease has become a forbidden zone full of controversy and misunderstanding in the public eye. People have either not heard about it, or just do not know what to do with it. Some are so scared of it that they do not want to have any physical contact with infected people. Even in the health care industry, many people do not have sufficient knowledge of it, according to our surveys. However, in sharp contrast to the public’s ignorance are the brutal facts that we can no longer turn a blind eye. It is estimated that in China, there are 740,000 people living with HIV/AIDS, and the number is still climbing rapidly year by year. Each year, nearly half of the new reported cases are under twenty-five.

As a group highlighting this sensitive issue in the face of people’s traditional views, we met with much doubts, disbelief and resistance. Many people openly mocked and shunned us. “AIDS is a western disease. How can it appear here?” “I do not want to talk to AIDS patients because I do not want to be infected.” “How is it possible for AIDS to be transmitted between man and man?” “AIDS is an immoral disease, and as long as I do not have sex with people who are immoral, I will be safe.” Faced with such benightedness, we used real stories, persuasive data, and vivid pictures with scientific relevance to help our “students” understand the disease, and we encouraged those concerned with the issue to join our organization. Gradually, people started paying attention and we gained some credibility within some special groups. For one of our events, “Tell the truth”, we invited AIDS experts, patients, and health officials on the same stage, discussing the issue face to face with the pubic. This event gained so much attention after some high profile media reported it that inquiries about our project flooded our mail boxes from all over the country. During this windfall, we received funding support from businesses and government, helping raise our project to a new level. Subsequently, we spent our school breaks and vacations in holding exhibitions, hosting seminars, visiting communities, and conducting surveys.

Undoubtedly, fighting against HIV/AIDS is an arduous task and the road is long due to the traits of the virus—its variability and immune suppression. But then, “even a journey of ten thousand miles is started with your first step”, as an old Chinese saying goes, and I volunteer to become even an inch of what builds up this first step. In recent years, China has made some progress on HIV/AIDS prevention and control, but a lack of advanced concepts and expertise poses a bottleneck problem

to major breakthroughs. This is the reason why I turn to developed countries like the United States. I am eager to receive systemic and more advanced training in epidemiology in USA and aspire to future leadership in public health in China. This has led my decision to apply for the Epidemiology M.P.H. program in the School of Public Health at the University of Michigan. Holding the belief that one’s ability is not limited by what he already knows but what he is willing to learn and do, I am ready to become more than just a professional in the field of public health, but in fact a professional leader.

全文点评:这篇申请文书,最大的亮点是有明确的专业方向,整篇文章中不离不弃一直在探讨流行病-艾滋防御问题。此外,MPH 申请不少学校比较看重统计学背景,密西根根大学的MPH专业也不例外,本篇PS中没有提及一些数理统计方面的背景。从文章中得知,学生本科为药学。据了解,国内药学很多专业没有设置概率,统计,经济学的课程。如果没有这些课程背景的话,PS中应该稍加一些该方面的内容。

计算机专业个人陈述中英文范文(PS Sample)

申请专业:计算机

在我考虑写这篇PS的时候我想到了很多,但在我准备动手写的时候确感觉无从入手,并不是想不出什么,而是我觉得我有太多的话要说,太多的事情要写了.当我即将面临人生的一个新的十字路口,我没有像别人那样犹豫不决,继续工作,考研,留学,我的目标只有一个-出国求学!I thought much before I began to write the PS. However, holding the pen, I suddenly felt wordless because I have too much to say, too much to write. Standing on the crossroad of life, I determined to study abroad without any hesitations. 出国留学的想法并不是源于我对国外生活的向往,而是源于我对专业的追求,因为我对我所学习的专业具有的与众不同的兴趣.我向往着再能够更加深入的学习和掌握信息科学的内涵,体会她的魅力!凭借着一种懵懂的感性指引将我带进了信息科学的殿堂,在大学几年的学习过程中,逐渐认识到了当前的信息社会,不仅需要一系列方方面面懂得信息技术的人才,更需要我们对信息科学和技术做更深入的研究,将这个学科的技术应用到各个行业。而且,信息科学很明显是未来的趋势,它将颠覆性地 改变人们过去曾经熟悉的生活方式。在对这个专业的学习过程中,我感到了它的有趣、挑战、永远与最新技术保持同步,最重要的是让我觉得它非常有前景,为了她挥洒自己的青春是值得的。

It was not the desire for the life overseas, but the pursuit of my professional study that aroused my idea to study abroad. I was longing for the further study and embedded understanding of the essence of Information Science, tasting its charm.

Pocketing this interest, I came into the department of Beijing Forestry University. Through several years’ study there, I gradually realized that the modern information society needed not only the professional talents in information science, but also the embedded researches in this field in order to use it into every enterprise. Meanwhile, it is certain that the information science is just the developing trend in the future, which could historically change the ever familiar life style. Therefore, in the process of learning, I can taste its interest and challenge, with which I can keep abreast with the latest technology. Furthermore, I think it was valuable for me to contribute my youth into the Information Science, the most prospective enterprise in the future.

从我的成绩单上不难看出,在大学阶段,我专业课程的成绩属于一般。我并不擅长考试,更不懂得考试中所谓的技巧,我更看重实践操作和社会的真实需求.我期望学到了解到的是能够代表这个时代的知识和技术.当时我主要通过阅读和自学一些原版的专业书籍教程来获取最前沿的知识,通过浏览网上的科技动态和专业论坛来获得第一手信息,以及拓宽自己的视野。再就是积极参与知识的实际利用和验证。

My ordinary score on my school report will tell you that I am not good at examinations. Those so-called “examination skills” are also strange to me. Instead, I emphasize the practical operations and the real needs of the society, expecting to learn the knowledge and technology that stands at the top of the period. Therefore, I got the latest knowledge mainly by reading large amount of English books and browsing the websites. Besides, I participated in many practical activities, in which I could use what I have learnt into practice.

大二的时候当我的同学还沉浸在网络游戏的迷幻世界里的时候,我利用业余时间给一家小公司的网站做兼职的技术员,。可当时从学校学到掌握的知识很难用于实际工作,于是我搜集整理了一系列网站维护方面的专业资料。后来通过自学我掌握了HTML语言和CSS设计.从这第一次尝试的经历我获得了很多的收获,但我认为最大的收获就是这个过程中我遇到的难题.在制作网站信息板块的过程中资料的吻合程度一直无法解决,我的倔强的性格让我在困难面前越来越兴奋.我利用所有可以利用的时间上网查资料,最终通过细致的分类和鉴别,将它们有效的整理了出来。

In my sophomore year, just as other schoolmates were submerging themselves into the fairy world of PC games, I began my part time working experience by working as a technician on the website of a small company. Just at that exciting time, I found that it was very difficult to use the theories I learnt on class into the practical work. Trapped in the gap between the school and society, I collected and summarized much practical professional files from a series of websites and learnt the HTML

language and the CSS design by myself. From the first attempt in the society, I realized that I got much from difficulties rather than smooth work. On designing the information part of the website, I could not find the perfect combination between the files. However, as a hard-nosed boy, I was not defeated by the difficulties, but very excited towards them. By classifying and summarizing the files I found on the websites, I finally solved the problem.

通过我不懈的努力我在专业技术水平得到了老师的认可,终于通过一次偶然的机会我得到了一个参与开发项目的机会,并作为技术骨干协助老师进行linux下iptables的模块开发。从理论的角度来看这个模块开发可以算做操作系统理论,而我对编写系统模块并不是很熟悉,这又是一次挑战.我在一本介绍module programming的书里找到了关于编写系统模块的信息, 凭借我大胆的尝试,虽然失败了几次,但最终成功的实现了项目的最终目标,顺利的完成了! 失败是成功之母,我一直坚信这一点!

Taking advantage of my insistent efforts, I was finally kissed by an opportunity to participate in a developing project, in which I worked as a core assistant of my teacher to develop the Iptables module under Linux. From a theoretical point of view, the development of the module could be included in the basic theories of the operating system. However, it was another challenge for me because I was not familiar with the programming of system module. Finally, I found the related knowledge on a book named “Module Programming”. Thanks to my repeated attempts, times of failures, at last, presented me with the final success. Through this practice, I believe firmly that failure is the access to the success.

中国科学院是引领中国科学技术发展的先锋,从小我就渴望着有一天能成为其中的一员!大四的那个夏天我实现了我的这个梦想!通过老师的推荐我协助中科院自动化所的老师们开发一个基于生物特征认证的接口,虽然只有短短的两个星期,但我从中受益匪浅. 通过与实验室专家教授的沟通, 以及在图书馆里查阅相关文献,我将整个BIOAPI的接口规范,类和数据结构的设计,以及对生物接口的理念进行了深入了解。最终利用C++编写除了初步的与该实验室应用上的接口.成功后的喜悦不言而喻.

I had a dream when I was just a kid----becoming a member in Chinese Academy of Science, the pioneer of the science and technology in China. My senior year witnessed me to achieve my dream. Under the recommendation of my teacher, I got the opportunity to work with the professors in automation department of CAS on developing the interface based on the biometric authentication technology. Two weeks was a short time, but a harvest time for me. Through the exchange with the experts and professors and looking up large amount of books and related literatures in the library, my understanding on all the specifies BIOAPI interface, the design of the 类 and data

structure and the biometric interfaces had largely deepened. Seeing the final success, the sweetest smile in the world blossomed on my face.

我刻苦学习,认真的工作态度得到了中科院老师的欣赏,当我在本科的最后阶段我被中科院的老师推荐到他们的软件所中文信息实验室进行毕业设计.我参与的是一个研究生的课题,中文博客搜索引擎。

My assiduity in study and careful working attitude won the appreciation of the professors in CAS. Therefore, at the last period of my undergraduate study, I was recommended by them to complete my graduation design by participating in a graduate subject of Chinese Blog Search Engine.

做为assistant. 在这个过程中我完成了对blog数据的抓取和存储,采用的有C语言,perl语言,mysql数据库。通过自学和向师兄请教又学到了很多的新技术和知识,最终完成了一个博客搜索引擎的框架。

As the assistant, I completed the access and storage of the Blog data by using

C language and Perl database. With the help of my studying fellows, I finally designed a frame of the Blog Search Engine and learn many new technologies.

当我完成了大学的学习后,我接受了新浪网工作的OFFER。在这里我主要负责操作系统的批量安装、软件包定制以及安全配置,以及线上设备的正常运行,各种软硬件故障的检测和恢复。同时负责各种突发事件的响应与及时处理。还负责将整个公司数千台服务器和网络设备等的配置信息进行精确维护。

After graduation, I accepted the offer of working on Sina website, where I was mainly responsible for the batch installation of operating system, tailor of the software package, the safety configuration, the smooth running of the equipments on line, the test and recovery of various hardware failures. Meanwhile, I was in charge of the immediate response and disposal of the accidents and the exact maintenance of thousands of servers in the whole company.

在新浪做为系统工程师.在这里做的事情很多.有应用程序方面的、操作系统方面的、网络方面的,还有各种硬件方面的.采用的技术和理论也涉及以上各类.平时遇到的技术问题主要是通过自己的判断思考和实践,结合其他专业文献以及自己所学的专业知识加以解决。 As a system engineer in Sina website, there are a lot of things to do in the application process, operating system and network as well as in the hardware. We generally solve the problems by our own practical experience combining with the related professional literatures and the knowledge we have learnt.

几年的工作经历给我最大的感受就是我清醒的认识到自己的不足,我现在的水平举例我的目标-成为专业领域的专家,相距甚远.我不能在坐在自己的成绩上幻想了,我要超越我自己,在技术方面我有着太多的缺陷需要弥补,我相信我现在需要深入细致的学习研究和找到一个良好的学术氛围。

Years of working experience made me realized clearly that it has still a long way to go to achieve my dream---becoming an expert in this field. I have to step out of the “flowers” coating me now for my achievements to the further study for the next station on the way of life. Therefore, I need a nutritious academic atmosphere.

好奇心是学习新技术的必要条件,我具备这一条件。其次是善于钻研,善于自学,动手能力强。这些在我上学过程中和工作以后更是得到了充分的锻炼。我相信几年后当我站在下一个人生的十字路口的时候我将更自信.我对未来充满了期待!

It was my curiosity that pushed me onto the road of learning new technologies and it was my strong learning ability and capability that presented me with the current achievement. I believe that standing at the cross road of life after a few years further study, I will be more confident and stronger expectative for my future.

加了一个更吸引人的开头.你不需要简单复述简历上的东西,比如I major in XXX in XXXuniversity.

去掉了高中就感兴趣...,原文并没有说明为什么,改文第一段已说明.

去掉了GPA,这个GPA已经不错了,而且在简历里也有。个人觉得没有必要解释什么。如果想强调GPA的高,还缺少证据。其实,PS最好是一个研究型的,完全没有必要把GPA, IBT, GRE等写进PS.

对接下去两段,对研究不大懂。稍微调整了一下语句,基本没有改。

对社会活动什么的,个人觉得在简历里出现就可以了。

结尾,由于是交换生,没有必要说明为什么要选那个学校,交换嘛,美的选。

总体是更加简洁,更加“研究型”“学术型”

Universityoffer.net 修改后PS:

Not far from my university, Lake XXX, which has been famous for thousands of years as the most beautiful lake in China, is facing the problem of eutrophication. A hundred kilometres north at the boarder of XXX Province, Lake XXX, the XXX largest in China, is experiencing the outbreak of blue algae. These are just two scenes that depict the deteriorated clash between economic and environmental concerns I witnessed over the last decade in China, which attracted me to the environmental engineering program in ChinaUniversity University and attracts me to the exchange program in environmental microbiology in USAUniversity.

In ChinaUniversity University, I’ve built a strong background in biological science which helps me to understand the sewage biological treatment technology and biodegradation. In the Biochemistry course, I learned about the metabolism of sugar, protein, and fat acid, especially the ways of sugar degradation which are known as tricarboxylic acid circle, Embden-Meyerhof-Parnas pathway, and hexose biphosphate glycolysis. In the Environmental Biology course, I learned about the microbiology degradation and bioremediation of certain organic pollutants. I also understood the biogeochemical cycle which plays an important role in learing management and use of water resource.

Extensive experimental and practical skills are also valuable assets I obtained during my undergraduate study. In an open microbiology experiment design project, my group designed an experiment on luminescent bacteria toxicity. We tested toxicity of landfill leachate of the whole processing flow in regulating tank and sedimentation tank. In the 4th student research training program of ChinaUniversity University, I worked on a project in the determination of seasonal variation of detection of disinfection by-products in drinking water. During the training, we have applied headspace capillary gas chromatography to determine the trace DBPs(Disinfection By-products), especially the THMs. For the research of the variation of DBPs through time and space scales, we determined the sampling interval and regional distribution. In addition, we detected the DBPs in local beverages. The research training improved my expertise in experiment designing, literature reviewing and device operating. During my intern in the Environmental Monitoring Station of Hangzhou City. I used XXX技术 to XXX目的. This experience enhanced my comprehension of my major and improved my team-work ability and communication skills. With my solid academic background in environmental engineering, I am ready to take a further step to enrol in graduate study. I am most interested in the field of biodegradation of contaminants in water and soils. In USAUniversity, I would be able to take courses that improve my expertise in this field, such as Water and Waste Treatment Plant Design. I would also be able to involve in advanced research carried out in USAUniversity. The graduate study in USAUniversity would improve my ability in practical problem solving and would be a key step in my professional career.

Civil Engineering personal statement

In a world that is continually growing and evolving and problems such as global warming and population growth becoming ever more real, the need for innovation and fresh ideas from the engineering world becomes increasingly evident. It is this that attracts me to civil engineering as a career because although I am aware of the many pressures and demands I would be facing, the sense of achievement and the knowledge that I would be making a difference to the lives of others would be of great personal reward to me! My fascination for engineering started when I was young, and has only increased since then. I enjoyed playing video and computer games that

required planning and strategy. I watched ?€?Extreme Engineering?€? when it first aired on the Discovery channel and today I have seen every episode up to season five and am waiting to see the sixth season. I have a game called ?€?West Point Bridge designer?€? that has taught me about the different properties of each type of bridge and allows me to experiment with different bridge designs as well as using different materials in the most cost effective way possible.

Unfortunately for my parents, this fascination extended into reverse

engineering as well and ranged from my toys as a child to unused household items and broken cars and motorcycles as an adolescent. This interest was then nurtured during my schooling and college years - at school learning about the history of art and how the smallest engineering discoveries led to the biggest architectural breakthroughs, for instance the impact that the arch,

concrete and the dome had on Ancient Roman and proceeding architecture. In college I thoroughly enjoyed mathematics and physics particularly in the

applied sections, and although my grades do not reflect this, a big portion of my gap year has already been spent on preparation towards of their

improvement.

As well as a lot of revision, my gap year so far has been a wealth of new experiences and challenges from things as silly as learning to juggle and ride a unicycle to teaching myself to play the keyboard and getting my motorcycle license. I also had a job as a general labourer working under the site manager on a building site where I worked alongside the tradesmen and occasionally the architect, thereby gaining valuable experience in keeping to the strict

requirements of working to time schedules and regulations, planning, problem solving and keeping quality of work up and expenses down. Previous to that I worked at my local supermarket as a general assistant and was eventually promoted to a team leader. I was responsible for liaising with my managers and keeping them up to date with what was happening around the store and making sure my staff knew what was expected of them throughout their shifts as well as doing my own work around the store. This taught me how to deal with people in a variety of situations in a polite and professional manner while also greatly improving my communicational and social skills.

Being born and raised in South Africa and having made the transition and adaptation to English culture and way of life with ease, I have no doubt I would adapt in much the same way to university life. Also I think it is important that I have witnessed the differences in infrastructure between developed and third world countries and their respective effects on the surrounding populations and feel I could use this knowledge to my advantage.

I am a very active person and sport has always been a big part of my life. In high school I captained my cricket and rugby teams and was part of the swimming, tennis and athletics teams and represented my home province in cricket, athletics and surfing. Living over here I am a member of the local

cricket and rugby club; I take part in the occasional darts and pool tournaments and am a regular at the local health centre. All of this means I have a lot of experience in performing under pressure, pushing myself and working well as a team.

By the end of my gap year I hope to have: fulfilled my travelling plans

where I hope to go backpacking in Asia as I think it will be an awe-inspiring and eye opening experience; have learnt many more new skills and gained more relevant work experience; and hopefully begin a journey into becoming a part of the great and prolific industry of ingenuity and creativity that is the world of engineering.

By the end of my gap year I hope to have: fulfilled my travelling plans

where I hope to go backpacking in Asia as I think it will be an awe-inspiring and eye opening experience; have learnt many more new skills and gained more relevant work experience; and hopefully begin a journey into becoming a part of the great and prolific industry of ingenuity and creativity that is the world of engineering.

“The Foolish Old Man Removing a Mountain” is an allegory known to virtually every Chinese. The story tells that in ancient times there was an old foolish man by the name of Yu Gong who was determined to remove the WangWu Mountain, a mountain that blocked him and his family from having access to the outside world, in an attempt to carve out a road leading to the outside world and hence create conditions for his posterity to achieve economic prosperity. The project was a Herculean task and, to make the matter worse, the old man was rather advanced in age. His neighbors all came to dissuade him from the endeavor. But the old man’s answer was that if he should die, his children and grandchildren could succeed him. The day would come when the mountain could be removed ultimately.

Inconceivable as they are, modern versions of this allegory occur in the frequently impoverished mountain areas in present-day China. The mountain folks resort to primitive manual labor (hence inevitably involving casualties) and simple tools and usually spend many years, even more than a decade, to open up routes inch by inch in order to have access to the market outside the deep mountains to sell their farm produce, so that their descendants will no longer be confined to the kind of isolated and economically unprivileged life that they are living. As a student with a Master’s degree in Road & Railway Engineering, I can never maintain a tranquil state of mind whenever I read of stories of this kind. I tell myself that I have the obligation and responsibility to help halt this dire reality. For this reason, I am determined to seek a Ph. D. program in Communication & Transportation at your esteemed university, a program that will enable me to reward my country with my knowledge of the advanced transportation engineering technology in the world. Of course, I am soberly aware that to be accepted into your highly-respected program I will inevitably be faced with fierce competitions. Nevertheless, my sound academic background, rich work experience and the ability to undertake independent academic research all testify to my qualifications as a worthy candidate for your program. My choice for Industrial and Civil Airport Construction and Highway Airport Construction and Highway during my undergraduate program at the Department of Civil Engineering and Architecture, XX University, seemed to have derived from my family tradition. My father has long been a construction engineer and my interest in civil engineering grew as I saw my father working on construction plans and drawings and picking up bits and pieces of civil engineering knowledge. My academic performance at XX University, which is a key university in the country, has been consistently characterized by top ranking, receiving Student of Excellence award for four consecutive years. My solid and comprehensive academic foundation and outstanding performance came to the attention of the renowned airport construction expert Prof. XXX, under whose direction I undertook my graduation project Design of an Airport Runway. In this project, I completed the overall design of a civil airport together with the airport’s roadnet. The roadnet design fully met the relevant national standards and the overall airport layout was rationally designed, leading to unanimously positive evaluation by the reviewing panel.

My undergraduate program was immediately followed by a postgraduate program at XX University, into which I was enrolled in my capacity as the top performer in the entrance examination. On a fiercer lever of competition, I doubled my academic efforts and managed to be among the top five in my class, winning “Class-A”

scholarships. My active involvement in research also bore fruits. I published several research papers, including XX, in such central natural science journals as XX and XX.

Entitled Study of the Low-Noise Mechanism of the Asphalt Pavement, my Master’s thesis focused on those issues: the mechanism of noise production of tyres, the parameters affecting the tyre’s noise, the noise-absorbing mechanism of asphalt pavement and the pavement configuration parameters affecting the low-noise asphalt pavement. The thesis offered in-depth analysis of the effective voidage of the asphalt pavement and the pavement thickness as major factors in reducing the noise production. The new subject as well as the unique perspectives of my thesis won positive comments from the reviewing panel who rated my work as “significant for the subsequent research on low-noise asphalt pavement”.

My distinguished academic performance and research potential led to my

employment with XX Province Expressway Co., Ltd. which made me responsible for the construction and management of the XX Expressway, a key national project. As a major technical specialist, I was in overall charge of drafting relevant tender documents of pavement,participating in the construction of the roadbed, bridge, and pavement, organizing the spot check of the raw materials for the asphalt pavement, holding meeting to discuss technical details of the asphalt pavement, launching technical trainings and field inspections, implementing the Superpave projects. The

accumulation of rich and comprehensive experience in construction and management, and the problem-solving skills, and the ability to work effectively and efficiently, both independently and in teams, are the three most important results I have achieved. Over the past four years, I have been given the “Model Employee” honor in my work performance evaluation.

An equally important component of my employment is my independent research work. Two more papers, Construction Craft and Quality Control of SMA and Application of Superpave in XX Kaiyang Expressway were published in XX (national core journal of highway transportation). Some experts believe my papers offer detailed elaboration on highway SMA and Superpave pavement, providing important reference for the construction of other expressway projects.

While feeling proud for engaging in national-level projects, I have also gained an insider’s knowledge of China’s underdeveloped conditions of civil engineering in road and highway construction. The areas of study that I will focus in my proposed Ph.D. program are closely connected with those conditions—the methods of designing

asphalt mixture, predictive evaluation of asphalt pavement performance, quality control of asphalt pavement construction, and the regeneration technology of old asphalt pavement. I expect that through your program I will be extensively exposed to the latest theoretical and technical developments in the world academia and take up fruitful research. If your highly selective program accepts applicants with sound academic performance, rich work experience and promising research potential, I can assert, without any shame of arrogance, that I am exactly the candidate you are looking for.

Civil engineering personal statement

I have always enjoyed and achieved highly in science and maths. I also appreciate problem solving and the feeling of achievement associated with the practical use of design and technology, which I studied to GCSE level. Throughout the course I worked with materials including plastics, woods, and metals and designed and built various items including a table lamp and a propagator for germinating seeds. I have been involved in various projects with my father, including erecting a pergola, a wooden shed and building a large brick shed at the bottom of the garden. I also constructed a wooden chicken coop to my own design. These projects have given

me an insight into dealing with building regulations and the need for planning, design and accurate measurement. I have gained experience in the use of building materials, taking both cost and physical properties into account.

Studying civil engineering at university will provide me the opportunity to further study the areas of science, maths, design and technology that I enjoy, as well as to gain many other skills. Studying civil engineering will offer me a wide range of challenging and fulfilling career opportunities. I would like to apply for the foundation year, which after completion, will allow me to progress onto the civil engineering course. I am particularly interested in how civil engineering skills can be applied with maximum benefit to society whilst having minimum impact on the environment.

I did two weeks work experience with a consultant paediatrician in ------- Hospital in ---------- during the Easter holidays of 2008. I also did two weeks work experience with a general dental practitioner in ----------------. Both of these experiences showed me the importance of communication skills, leadership and teamwork in the smooth running of an organisation. After further consideration, I realised that I would not be happy in the healthcare profession and instead was drawn more towards civil engineering, which I feel is closer to my interests.

During the last two years, I have participated in the school?€?s community action group, which involved weekly visits to a retirement home in -------- to organise a coffee morning for the elderly residents. We served tea and biscuits and provided company to those who attended. During the school?€?s activities week in June I helped out in classes at the ------- School for children with special educational needs. Outside school, I did voluntary work at St. Anne?€?s Hospice charity shop on Saturday mornings. I have also received a certificate from Millennium Volunteers for completing 117 hours of voluntary work.

In school I am a silver prefect and am involved in the running of the ------ society. I enjoy languages and am learning ------- in my spare time. I attended a one month intensive ------ course in the summer holidays at the ----- centre in -------. I have attended a twenty hour weekend course by I to I on teaching English as a foreign language arranged by my school. I am a keen gardener with an interest in permaculture. I grow fruit and vegetables in our back garden and also keep several hens. This has made us self sufficient in eggs and Jerusalem artichokes and gives a good crop of strawberries in the summer.

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